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Please Advise Me What Should I Do?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by priyasri15, Apr 28, 2018.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Your husband is a spineless rat who could not marry the woman he loved . Good that woman dumped his sorry ass. She continues to play with him like a cat plays with a loser rat .

    Op don't feel hurt by her words.
    She doesn't care about you enough to want to hurt you. She says those hurtful words to hurt him.
    Even if you were a beauty queen with a job to die for..she would have found a way to hurt him.
    It is easy to use you to hurt him because she knows he is a superficial money minded person.
    She is hurt and she is hurting him back.
    This is not about you.
    Your husband is using it to knock you and your self esteem.A confident wife won't take such crap from him .He is hurting your confidence.

    Op what are you doing with this guy?

    1)He has no guts. He was in love,and lived with a woman for years but did not have the guts to marry her without his parents consent.

    2)He has no conscience because he duped you and frauded you into a loveless marriage . If he had a bit of conscience,he would not have married a girl he did not like and spoil her life.

    3)He is a cheat because he continues to have a relationship of some kind with his ex.
    She is not the enemy,your husband is. If he wants to stop,he can stop messaging back,he can block her.
    She is making sure he does not live in peace she is upset about him not marrying her after living with her for 3 years.

    Why did you take crap from your mil?
    You should have put her on the mat and asked her why the hell did she get her son married to you. You should have shaken her up and asked her why she spoilt your life?

    Please don't waste your time thinking about these losers.Just concentrate on doing well in your MS and then getting a job independent of his visa status.

    Inform your parents about the fraud so
    that you do not have to waste your time later on waiting for them to come to grips with the situation.

    If your marriage has not been consummated,you can get an annulment in India. If you choose to divorce,do it in US....less messy socially.

    Op,don't waste your time on this guy.
    It has just been a year. Cut your losses.
    Read up threads on this forum about women who stayed in such marriages till it was too late and live in regret.
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2018
  2. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear, thank you for your reply. I don't know why he doesn't like me. He only repeats saying that I dont look attractive bcz I weigh 68kgs. He says when we both walk together i look heavier than him and he is ashamed of taking me out. Sometimes i feel like i have to lose weight but deep inside i get irritated as why should i lose weight for him and later give up on going to gym. so its almost a year i have been maintaining the same weight and look the same.
     
  3. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    @MalStrom thank you for these words. my parents tell me the same thing. i have not told them that my husband doesn't like me about my weight issues are he still talking to his ex. but my parents are well aware that mil is money minded and is separating us bczim a student. so they keep telling me to be only focused on studies and ignore the rest; which i find very hard to implement as all day and night my husband talking to his ex is bothering me at the top of my head.
     
  4. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    @Gauri03 dear gauri, thank you for your reply. my husband has two faces. one time he behaves lovable and comes to my rescue against his mom, and other times when he doesn't want me he stays quiet when she verbally harass me. so all together i am always battling whether to trust this man and give him a chance or give up on this. but my parents tell me to finish studies, live with him a few months and if things cant be handled then apply for divorce.
     
  5. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    @Vedhavalli thank you for your kind words, almost most of what you told are repeatedly told to me by my parents too. if my husband talks to me he is only talking about my job prospects and where all i should apply for internships mostly. even if he plans to visit me at my university, mil accompanies him and no privacy to talk to him. mil stays with him for 6 months and goes to india for one month and again returns immediately to US to be with her son. he is the only child, no siblings
     
  6. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    @Rosey2018 all day and all night i keep breaking my head as how come he can continue talking to her ever after she dumped him for his best friend. i just cant understand their equation. hubby tells she was his first best friend in the years they spent together and so if he faces any issues with me, he immediately thinks of talking to her for advise as a friend. but she doesnt seem to be a genuinely good person either as she only criticises me all the time which adds more fuel to the fire
    as im in my second year of my MS, my parents tell me to finish studies and then think about marriage.
    regarding telling that girl's fiance, all my friends tell me not to. they say if that guy hears about her and calls off the marriage and then that girl will sit on my hubby's head and cause more problems to our marriage. but she is talking to my hubby without her fiance's idea. i dont know why they still intend to talk secretly and this is bothering me.
     
  7. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    @DDream thank you for your reply... sometimes i also wonder why this guy is giving so much priority to my job rather for me as a wife. its very hard to be focused on studies and keep all this marriage issues at bay. my insecuities towards hubby talking to ex is increasing day by day and its ruining my mood to study. im a chronic migrane person and if i cry a lot due to these problems, i catch migrane for 2-3 days and ruin my studying too. for now i am trying hard to focus on studies but i also feel if hubby starts treating me right i will be very calm and happy but dont know what should i do for him to treat me like that
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Start doing Yoga or any kind of regular excercise .
    It will make you healthy .It will make you feel better and also help with studies.

    Doing well in exams and getting a job will make you more confident .
    When you are healthy and independent,you will get your self esteem back that this guy has knocked down.

    All this will make you feel like the beautiful person you are.

    Just a query.....how good looking is this husband of yours that he can so rude to you about your looks?
     
  9. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    @ashneys thank you for your reply, even i wonder how he has the heart to talk to her despite being dumped in a cruel way. he has no other friends whom he trust is another reason. he has a gang of friends but he criticises them always to me but never criticises this girl alone. hubby doesnt initiate chat with me. even if he visits me his mom accompanies me. its so hard to fight for him against these two women.
     
  10. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    @Rihana thank you for your reply rihana. yes, i study in a different city that is 2 hours away by flight from hubby's place. i applied to three unis for MS, and got seat in this IVY league uni, hubby also said ok for me to study here bcz its ivy league. he continues to work there and is in a situation that he cannot change job bcz his current employer is just starting his i140 process.
    initially after marriage hubby complained to his mom that he doesnt like me and she usued to constntly scold me. sometimes she used to say that her neighbour's dil came with 5crore dowry and my parents did not even give 5lakh or a car. mil hates me bcz i did not come with a dowry and she thinks i dont meet her status. so mil tries her best to add more fuel between me and hubby.
    so do you think hubby's contact with his ex will continue forever and there is no way that it will end anytime soon?
     

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