1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Please Advice..in Need To Take Immediate Decision

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety30, Apr 3, 2017.

  1. maddysweet

    maddysweet Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    141
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP,
    Are u making this decision based on one doctor suggestion?
    Did u go for second opinion? If not immediately do that. Coz i have seen for some reason some doctors talk very worst and say u cant recover
    Where as the same patients recover get well. One incident where a gynec told so worst abt a girl health to her husband that she will not have kids and may get breast cancer soon. The guy divorced her, she remarried had kids and living a healthy life.

    Determine----
    How critical is his condition? Past 18 months he got once so may be he takes good treatment that might lesson more

    Does ur hubby have diabetes, bp cholestrol or any other bladder conditions? How is his overall health?
    Take him for a rigorous overall health checkup.

    There has been so much medican advances and u thinking abt divorce due go Amnesia sounds silly to me.

    Also u thinking abt cheatin but may be for ur hubby and his family this isnt a bad health condition to reveal.
    Now a days one in every 5 ppl use depression tablets and by default all psychotic drygs are said to have suicide symptons that doesnt mean everyone gets that.

    If u type in google side effects of a pain killer, 100 of them are written.

    First take ur hubby for a rigorous health chexkups, determine how healthy he is
    Ask doctors if u can have kids in future and will he be able to
    Do job
    Handle family life

    Am sure he can. make ur hubby health concious. Get him do exercise eat healthy do all whixh benefits his health.

    Instead of makinh huge drama fights, just express to hubby that u r hurt he dint reveal. And take good care of his health. See how things go and Decide abt divorce aftet 6 months,


    D
     
  2. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,437
    Likes Received:
    712
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi OP,
    Please
    do consult few more doctors and take second opinion if this can be cured. Have you seen him taking medicines in the past 1.8 years? They surely have deceived you and one can divorce husband on medical grounds. You need to have medical bills and doctors prescription as proof else u would have to run for years to get divorce in court. So without telling your intent try to get all the proofs with you and keep it at your parents place secretly. Then decide. Its your decision to divorce him or not. If you love him inspite of his lies and have the capacity to lead a life without him if kids are born then stay back else please move on. If not today you might loose him tomorrow. So think carefully and decide.
     
  3. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    1,661
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Short answer - get out now and dont think twice abt it. Such a serious issue should not have been concealed before marriage. You cannot fix whatever needs to be fixed for this marriage to work and for u to have a normal life.

    Long answer on why it makes sense to leave rather than stay : Even if everything about your relationship dynamics with your husband and inlaws changes, it is still not going to be a normal or comfortable life with your husband's medical condition. Even if your inlaws stop interfering and your dh prioritizes only your wishes, is it possible to lead a normal life with a seriously sick man prone to fits, epilepsy, amnesia, frequent hospitalization ? Surely your sex life will take a hit too. Also what kind of home will it be for your kids where the mom is highly stressed all the time with money concerns, medical bills, father is often sick and troublesome extended family ?

    The longer you stay in this dysfunctional marriage, bigger the penalty when you try 2nd time around. It is easier to get on after exiting a short lived marriage rather than spending 4-5 yrs and then realizing things are truly unfixable. More explaining to be done too. Remember you are also getting older as well. Even as is you will lose 1.5 yrs before you can settle down again.

    Think abt yourself. Dont become a sentimental fool and ruin your life. Get out before this problems takes over your life.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2017
  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    523
    Likes Received:
    706
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Please come out of the marriage on the grounds of cheating...
    It's atrocious with in laws who hide such big things and taunt you.
    As someone said, gather all the hospital bills, tablets samples , prescriptions and reports.
    Go to a known doctor , get a detailed report on his overall health condition.
    I don't think you can live with a person who cheated you as well as listen to his parents.
    If you decide to stay back, it would be more miserable and they will take you for granted.

    The question of the illness striking after marriage is different.its pure cheating.
    1. Get the details of the illness, report with a help of a govt.doctor, without any body's knowledge.
    2. Seek legal advisor and ask for monetary compensation. Don't leave them.
    3. Get yourself a job, if you have.
    4. Keep account of your spendings on him
    5. Go to your parents home right away.
    Don't feel guilty, as friend here told had it been a man? It would straight walk out of the lady.
    Do the same.
    Don't feel guilty, it's your good heart which feels so. Don't ruin your life.
     
    Sweety30 and NeetaR like this.
  5. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    4,169
    Likes Received:
    8,437
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    This happened to my relative boy 1954 born who got married in 1981.
    The girl was smart ,graduate non working.
    Just two hours before marriage in the wedding hall she had seizures,white foams coming out of her mouth.The bride groom's parents started shouting that the bride's parents had hidden the fact.After a few minutes she got up.many of the boy's relatives left the hall.The boy and his educated mother were there.They talked to the girl and understood that she had this symptom from age 6.The boy asked the opinion of the doctor attending on her.The doctor frankly expressed that there is no harm for life.If she took medicines the disorder may be under control but it cannot be cured completely.If the drug regimen is followed strictly they can have a normal family life.
    It was not a love marriage.The boy had not talked to her much except for a few mts on Girl-viewing day.
    The boy decided to go ahead and marry the girl and take care of her.He had his mother's support.He tied the wedding knot , took all precautions and ensured that she took the medicines.After two years they got a baby boy.During pregnancy he didn't send her to the parent's house.His mother took charge of the DIL.She had a safe delivery.
    Now the boy is above 30 and he is married.After marriage she had this bout of seizures only twice or thrice.She is quite hale and healthy looking after her family.They have seen 5 or 6 transfers.The husband had to go on business tours.Their understanding was such that they could not be separated by any force on earth.
    Nervous disorders may be chronic ,but may not be serious.There are wonder drugs which have to be taken without break. Mostly they have no side effects.Initially it will appear as though the patient looks sleepy etc.As the body gets accustomed to the medicine, there will be no side effects.
    Now the gentleman has settled in Chennai and has a calm retired life at 65.He had no occasion to take too much of leave on account of wife's sickness.Actually the very attitude of the boy in agreeing for the marriage, though the girls' parents never informed of the illness created much regard to the boy.
    Please therefore consult the doctors about the severity of illness.Informing prior to marriage or not need not be a pressing point.The main purpose is to find remedy.
    Many such neurological disorders get 90% cured with drug discipline and considerate treatment.
    Think many times before going in for separation.Who knows you may be gifted with harmonious married life and healthy babies.
    The problem should be viewed with correct perception and not with prejudiced eyes.
    Wish you all the best.

    jayasala 42
     
    SGBV, rosylife and Sweety30 like this.
  6. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,005
    Likes Received:
    338
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Its wrong that they hid such a big thing from you. Unfortunately, people do that in India even at this age.
    But divorce may not be right solution that tooif you H is treating you right. Think many times before going with divorce.

    Will you be able to overcome that 1.5yrs on bonding with divorce?
    Will you be able to start new life from scratch after divorce? As you said you are smart individual, I assume you are working. Will you be able to remarry?
    Also If living with same man, will you be able to forget that they lied to you? ( Usually women won't).

    Me and my H had love marriage and my H hid so many important things from me that I found out after 10 yrs. I was in shock. I never spoke to him about it and just moved on now. It still remember it and its hurts me whenever it comes back to me.
    In your case, its health condition related. if you plan to stay, you must follow @blindpups wise advice.
     
    Sweety30 likes this.
  7. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    955
    Likes Received:
    1,933
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Given the weight of the situation here. You have full rights to make the decision that will work for u. Hiding a sickness that is life long and a one that will hinder ur life / future/ kids, yes u can walk out. N living in day in n day out with hospitalisation n doctors n medicines, is in no way easy esp wen u feel cheated n stuck. If u knew before marriage n still opted for it, it's a different situation. But this is like, "once she's married, she's stuck, so let's hide" kind of attitude. Which is very wrong. Having said all dat, take some time out and decide what u want for the future. Saying u want to divorce and getting a divorce r two different things. So mentally Check if u r ready for it. Is ur family supportive? Speak to the husband and see if there's any way for u both to be happy. It's like giving it all one last shot, so dat u don't have any regrets later on and continue with ur new life with only happiness.
     
    rosylife and Sweety30 like this.
  8. rosylife

    rosylife Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    168
    Likes Received:
    18
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP
    What have you decided?
    I am in a similar situation.
     
  9. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    268
    Likes Received:
    298
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    like others i cannot suggest anything.

    but please understand, do not view your life experience just on last 1.5 years view it for future. you are a healthy woman, can you handle this life for next 30 - 40 years with this partner. can you remain physically and emotionally stronger as you grow older. once you have kids which need constant care till they are adults ( sounds stupid ) but true, can you keep just giving and not getting.

    weigh everything and decide.

    no one cares about you, other than yourself . your siblings, friends , parents can feel bad about but unless you make a decision they cannot help much too.
     
    Sweety30 likes this.
  10. Sweety30

    Sweety30 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    11
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Weighing past behavior of his parents/family towards me and his approach to the whole situation it had become very clear that I will not have any support if needed. Also, given that the medical condition was not improving, I had decided to end the marriage. Divorce formalities are pending but will get done in due time. I have decided to focus on other positives in life and forget all that as a bad dream ( not as easy though). I have not asked for any monetary compensation etc, so divorce is relatively easy.
    I am not suggesting that this is the right choice for everyone but felt correct for me.
     

Share This Page