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Play date issue

Discussion in 'Kids Korner' started by Chapra, May 31, 2014.

  1. Chapra

    Chapra Platinum IL'ite

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    So, eventually am upset and feel helpless......

    Its not such a big issue. Its just that my DD's playmate got upset and wanted to go back home for no reason. I wanted to find out the reason and asked him if he is scared of me and he said "yes, I am scared of you!".

    Later, his mom told me that his elder brother went for a picnic and he too wanted to join him and didn't want to come for the play date at all. So he wanted to go back home and put the blame on me. It really hurt me though he is a kid.

    What hurt me more is when I told all these to his mom over the phone, she said she would come and pick him up. She waited near the door for few minutes without knocking to know whats happening inside. I could sense some body outside and opened the door. I don't find anything wrong with her behavior. She behaved like a responsible mother! Still....

    All my worry is I got a bad name with no fault on my side. I didn't even scold that boy! Or am I worrying too much over a small issue? Do you sense any unfavorable consequences? How do you want me to go forward from here? Kindly suggest.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    U do not need to get too close to his mother.I know it is upsetting but the best way is to let it go.It is good that u told his mother about this.U just be yourself and have llimited conversation with the mom and child.I am sure ur DD will get other playmates.
     
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  3. Chapra

    Chapra Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks Brindao1. This boy is just 3. You suggest no more play date with this boy?
     
  4. pinky6

    pinky6 Platinum IL'ite

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    Indeed that's too bad......Some kids are more matured than thier age and my dd is one of them....next time avoid that kid and find a new playmate....i would say parents are the best playmates for kids.....i have 2 kids so they both play together .....
     
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  5. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Chapra,
    Im yet to see a "mature" three year old boy. Maybe he had an off day. Don't take it out on the mom or the kid. What would you have done in the other moms situation? If you stop talking to her, it would only reassure her fears that you are somehow guilty. Act normal. Have more play dates. Have the mom over too. Toddlers can't say if they are offending you. Just don't be too bogged down by it. I have kids that want to end and leave all the time. I just call the mom, say he/she is done. I'm sure the kid didn't mean anything by agreeing to what you asked. He probably couldn't say what it was that he wanted and just agreed to you. Don't make this into a big issue. It definitely isn't.
     
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  6. Chapra

    Chapra Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks Laks. That was my thought too. I actually dont know how to handle this. Your suggestion really would help me take it forward from here. My elder DD is 3 too and I knew for sure, 3 year olds cannot be that mature though mine is way too mature for yer age :) Having said this, am really afraid of what his mom might think of me. Thats my real concern and the real behind creating this post.

    As you said, he figured out a reason to go back home and I became the reason :( However, true to my conscience, am upset over that and I would overcome this feeling :) He is a KID!
     
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  7. troubledmom

    troubledmom Gold IL'ite

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    chapra,

    Only 'mistake' you made was to provide reasons for his decision.
    1. He is a kid which means no reason is good enough reason to go home
    2. Child's decision to leave in no way reflects on you as a mom or a host. You havent 'failed' some test.
    Next play date, if kid wants to go home, neutrally smile and ask 'do you want to tell me why?' or ask 'are you sure?' If kid is sure, call his mom. Dont get so anxious that what happened. It has nothing to do with you. Even if kids mom asks you, reply truthfully that you have no idea why.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2014
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I would say start looking for other moms and better playdates..
    until then once in a while in HIS mom's home have a playdate or in a common place where she is also present so that she understands abt her son.u be ur nice self.


    ur dd will 100% get better playdates no worries.she is going to have many friends once she starts school.do not force foor playdates.

    take her to the park,library etc to engage her
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2014
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  9. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Good advice from everyone. Only additional suggestion I have is, don't ask a child if he is afraid of you. Never ask a question whose answer will put you in a quandary.

    This is not a big deal. Continue to have play dates and be positive and upbeat with both the mother and child. People will only remember the latest incidents.
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Lots of good advice. One thing I have learnt from experience is that in playdates when the kids are younger than 5 or 6 yrs old, it is better if the host mom drops off the visiting kid after the playdate is over. Rather than waiting for the other mom to come pick up her kid. The dropoff can happen when any of the kids is "done" with the playdate or at the earlier agreed upon time.

    Also, better to keep the playdate end time flexible, so host mom is not stuck playing with the visiting kid while her kid has decided he/she is done with playdate :)

    Keep the duration of playdate such that the kids are often begging to play for longer time.

    If the friendship with the mom is something you care about, avoid playdates with her kid. Playdate issues really test friendships.
     
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