Planning Marriages — Do's and Don'ts

Following the stories about marriages from a previous thread:
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/r...2458-ladies-who-do-you-think.html#post3412238

I am curious to hear what your experiences were in planning your wedding (first or second) or participating in the wedding planning process for someone else.

I specifically would love to hear more about Do's and Don'ts... if you had to do it all over again, what would you keep the same and what would you do differently?

I am asking partly because my DH's friend has enlisted our help to organize specific aspects of his second wedding (which to be quite frank, we found strange because DH and he are not that close so the ask was a little surprising. He's also a social butterfly so we would have figured him to ask others with whom he spends more social time with. But anyway, we are obliging to help him to a certain extent considering we have never even met the bride.).

He's very conscientious about the size, scale and cost (understandably) but I am finding a few things to be a little awkward (some that are even a little distasteful) but still trying to respect his wishes without imposing our own views too much.

For invitations:
He was gearing towards something digital and free. Originally he wanted to just create a Facebook event and use that to invite guests instead of wedding invitations, or consider sending Evites (free email invitations with ads). Both seemed awkward and tacky, but I found an alternative service that was specifically for weddings, had free non-ad based evites and other wedding-based features. He then wanted us to design and send the evites on his behalf (keep in mind we didn't have the details about the wedding ourselves such as addresses or even the name of the bride) but also include a picture of him and his fiancé. Here's where I neatly stepped into an awkward situation because once he sent the picture, I told him "Oh, your fiancé looks a little different from the birthday picture you showed us last year" and well, after a pause of silence, he tells me that it's because his fiancé is a different person altogether from the one he was engaged to last year. whaatsmiley Awkward.

For wedding functions:
He's considering a religious center for the wedding and a public park for the reception. He also insists that I should attend the ladies' festivities on his fiancé's side which are taking place during work hours on a weekday meaning that I'd have to take time off of work.

For wedding-day services:
He's asked for our opinion on food and sweets. Then followed up with asking us to place the orders on his behalf. He wants us to find the priest and schedule that. He wants my DH to be photography and videography man not for a couple of hours, but more like morning, noon and night. He asked us to help with dressing (DH for him and me for the bride) and he's trying to get me to help with makeup (has not specified yet for whom but I'll presume for the bride).

Now, DH and I are happy to help but we're now setting expectations about the extent of the help we're able to provide given our other obligations. DH and I joke that if the trend of his asks continues, on the day of the wedding, we won't be surprised if one of us winds up on the mandap. shakehead

 

I share the same sentiment, YM, but this social butterfly that used to live in the same city as us has now recently moved to our area claiming that he doesn't really know too many other folks here. He and DH go way back to DH's hometown so my DH didn't want to leave him hanging entirely.

My DH had initially accepted to help with the wedding thinking that it would be primarily things on the wedding day of a smaller scale. His asks have steadily grown and this is precisely where we're managing his expectations now.

Invites? I found and gave him the service. When he told us to make/send the invitations on his behalf, we reminded him we don't know about the event details let alone the names or the folks involved. This being his wedding, he should take the first stab at getting the account and invite set up, and we'll be happy to look it over before he sends it out to everyone else.

Taking time off work to attending the ladies' functions? "Not a possibility. No sir-ee. We both have tight, massive work deadlines"

DH being the video/photography guy all day long? "All day long won't be a possibility. But we'll take a shift of 3-4 hours to cover the highlights of the event. He can choose that shift to be in the day or night and which event."

Food catering? "Here's the phone numbers of the places we liked. They were good at X and X. We don't know your guests or their culinary tastes so it's best if you called and get quotes directly as related to your budget."

Makeup and Dressing? "Aside from the fact that don't know anyone except for him and his mom, nor what they're wearing. I'm happy to lick my hand and pat a few flyways down before their pictures get clicked, or maybe even touch up someone's makeup but being held responsible for someone's entire look and makeup is a big investment of time and money that I am not able to deliver on right now."

And much more.

I found his asks to be a little unusual (some that are even amusing) given we aren't really that close. I personally get the feeling he wants the ceremony of a wedding without spending money but don't understand that if that's the case, why not simply have a court marriage and then do a small reception for the friends/family who do opt to attend (who btw, supposedly aren't in town to help according to him. Odd).

 

Yes! Whole heartedly agree We weren't aware of the magnitude of his asks when DH agreed to help. We're correcting this now, managing his expectations and DH has been much more tactful about turning the responsibility back to him considering it's his own wedding.

And I'm sorry, but just wanted to clarify that the issue wasn't that he wanted to send email invites and we imposed our views. He told us that he was considering sending invitations using Facebook event and then specifically asked us for our opinion (this ask happened much earlier than the others). I told him "Sure you can do that...but I believe there are other cost-efficient services that are more wedding centric and might not be as unconventional as a Facebook event group" After which he said "okay send me suggestions" and I did. Frankly, I think Facebook event invites for weddings is tacky as hell but I didn't say "No! OMG what are you thinking of doing sending Facebook invites, you crazy, penny-pinching old man!" I sure thought about it. But I didn't say it. :whistle

 

I realize my fault in expressing my honest opinion — I know better now Thanks!
:crazy

 

I think this is kind of my first second marriage to attend if that makes sense. Haha, I'll keep your advice in mind.

 

Yes! This is precisely what we're doing now. I found his asks to be a little odd and humorous— and to be perfectly clear, we didn't get the impression that his asks would be of this scale when DH had initially agreed to help. These asks started out small and then grew from there. We're letting him know where we're willing to help and where we're unable to with a friendly reminder that this is his wedding.

As for the wedding planner — i thought about mentioning that to him but i figured that it would be me wasting my breath and considering how the evite service conversation went — his next question will likely be along the lines of "okay, tell me your suggestions and only out of those, tell me the ones that are willing to work for free"