Planned to leave how should I handle it all

Dear WhatZNext

Please stay calm. Don't be sad or desparate. If whatever you have written in post is 100% truth then I personally think your husband and in laws are NOT worth of you taking all this pain (which you have already gone through). Please open you eyes and think. God is giving you another chance to start your life fresh. You will find much better person as life partner in future. Be positive. Do you want to go back to same painful situation and suffer whole life and one day end your life like many other fed up wives?

Your life is too precious too waste on these kind ot idiots. Please take some counselling or therapy to calm your mind. I know its easy to say but hard to handle. But don't rush for any decision fast. Good luck.

 

dear watznext

pls find a temporary job to keep u occupied and deviation will give u a different angle to think about things ....
meet people which will give u more clarity if u still want to live with that guy....
even much better thing is if u can stay in a different city for job or a 6 months some computer course and stay away from ur family also...

 

Hi Whatznext,

Hugs to you. It definitely needs a lot of courage and strength to stand by ones decision during tough time, when you also know that your family would also suffer because of your decision.

It will be cloudy and confusing. But, please try and clear your head. I have read all your posts in this thread, and think you do not have anything more to give this marriage. This marriage, your H nor your ILs seem to be worth your efforts. Even though, it is no fault of yours, life is treating you badly. Am sorry this is happening to you.

You could be feeling guilty at times, when you think of H at his good times. But please remember you are the victim here.

Please try and get a job as soon as possible. You need diversion, and you will not get it from anybody at this time. You have to get out of home. Take one step at a time. Please get a job at Blore itself.

I have seen my friend's relative who went thru a divorce. Trust me, it is a horrible struggle. The guyz family were literally telling that she went out and spent nights with others. Am sharing this to let you know, that ur ILs could stoop very low. You would need all the strength. So please brace yourself and do not take any of their accusations to heart.

Stop reading the contents of the divorce papers, and stop torturing yourself. Please remember you are the victim here.

Get a job as soon as possible. That should be your first step.

Cheers,
JM

 

Dear WhatZNext

I understand how difficult it must be for you without male support in your family. I think your in laws and your husband is taking advantage of this situation. I am not suggesting you should file divorce immidietely. You can wait for them to take next steps and see how it goes.

If you feel you can live like doormat, submissive, live on his terms whole life then think about compramise. If I was in your place I would join some job immidietely and make myself busy. Financial independance is always important and increases one's self esteem. You are lucky that you have good education, work experience and you don't have kids resposibility yet. Consider this as a blessing.

 

Dear whatznext..
please don't put yourself in well again...after reading your posts..you are strong and brave girl..but somewhere in your mind you still think about society, divorce wife, single mom...I agree you have seen this in your life.
Can you imagine staying with a guy who doesn't care for you when you are sick, beat you , mental torture through out your life say another 50-60 yrs. You don't want to be happy...no normal life like your friends?

When your H has gone a step ahead and consulted lawyer...what is the point of you want to stick to this marriage?

Your fear is no strong support from anyone... yes you have to battle it alone. Your blood relatives will not give as much support as they are occupied with their own responsibilities.
If you want peace of mind ...go for mutual divorce...just keep mouth shut...( ultimately you have to be happy...whatever bad allegations they have put let them...later they will suffer...God is seeing everything)...
Days will be troublesome...lot of tensions...definitely will be there...you can't escape from that...

Just move to a different city for work and stay in hostel/PG and don't give clues to anyone not to your relatives...only your mother should know...keep calling them...

since it is mutual divorce...lawyer will be same...and he will call you when you are required to be here..
those days you just go ..face your H.....don't ask anything to lawyer about what allegations and all...these will give more mental stress to you...now better not get into trouble of those...

Start new life in new city with new friends...don't give clue to anyone about your past..so that you don't need to bear there soothing words..for reminding...u don't need that..

 

Dear,
Dont loose heart. Try to speak with them having some eldeerrs to mediate as they said and see what their demands are. You can ask in front of everyone to talk to your DH alone and ask if he wants to leave you forever.
Ask him if you didnt cook or go to work or do anything opposite to his wish. Finally tell him that you still want to live with him as a last chance.

But just think and see for yourself. How can you beleive such a person even if he gets patched up with you for time being. Remember that after returning to UAE, he will again start chatting with his family and again plan something against you. I am not telling this to dishearten you, but these are points to consider. Ask him to guarantee that he will treat you like a wife and have no secrets at your back.

I never want to advice seperation or divorce for anyone personally because I think divorce must be the very last option. Many people might feel contradictory with my idea. But its painful to lead a divorced life if you really want to live with your DH.

But if he cannot come to right terms with you, then you need to seperate atleast for a while. This is hard to make them agree.

You have to decide whether you can stand all the tortures again or want a seperated life.

 

I didnt understand on ething.....read your first post!! the post with whcih you started this thread.....

why this sudden sad feeling?? is it because he didnt leave room for any negotiations? what is your family saying? you were all set n prepared right before you even started for India!!!! what changed in your brain?


One thing is...he sure is a good player. he seems to have guessed it...or may be he knows what were you planning...or may be he was also thinking on the same lines...lots of may be's!!! but one sad part is...he gave all wrong reasons for filing divorce....(good forhim but bad for you!!!) or did he guess you would use the same reasons so he used it ....whatever it is....when you wanted to get out of it...and god gave you that....accept it and move on.

Thats why I always say in my posts...WHEN YOU ARE ASKING FOR SOMETHING. BE READY TO TAKEIT. there wont be any ifs and buts. you wanted something. you prayed for something. you manifested it and got it.

good / bad he filed for it. if you still want to try, remember that all that is going to be on what he wants and his rules n conditions. so if you still want to give it a try....involve a mediator. or call him and see if he is ready to talk/discuss. if nothin works out...bravely accept this and move on in your life. dont fret over something which youhad expected would happen one day or the other.

easy said than done...but again when you have no options...know when to cut losses and move forward instead of wasting more n more time over this dead marriage.

 

I think you have made the right decision. Its a difficult one but hopefully everything turns out great. All the best to you. keep calm and enjoy life to fullest. Just take these last 2-3 years as a learning experience which showed you what kind of ppl live in this world. Take care of your self !

 

Dear OP,

You have to be clear in mind whether you want to reconcile with your H and prepare to withstand the torture if you face again or chalk out a fresh life for you.

If you goback to your H, then you have to accept all his conditions and ready to lose your self respect also if required. Once you goback you will be treated more harshly than before. Prepare for it.

If you want to chalk out a fresh life for you, you have to become independent and take decisions for yourself.
Do not depend on relatives or on anybody. Develop mental strength to live life on your terms and enjoy the freedom and responsibility.

You have to take decision for yourself based on your gut feel.

Best of luck.