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Planned to leave how should I handle it all

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by whatznext, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Right now you are very agitated , you must go back to India for your safety. But do carry your important documents , jewellery, money. Its good that your family is supporting you but you have to be prepared for a long fight to ahead.
    He must be prepared for legal tangles that is why your ticket is ready. Never underestimate your opponent.
    Fighting legally to get even is also costly , you can think of a divorce if the terms are good from his side. Or you can wait for him to take the next step.Maybe he will mend his ways.
    Take care.
     
  2. jogu07

    jogu07 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Whatznext,

    I will not say that I feel sorry for u, cause u r a strong gal and u dont need sympathy k...Secondly, its baseless to think what ur life would have been with him cause in no ways he deserves u...so dnt think abt how ur life would be after separation, trust me it would be better for u in all the ways....U have been tortured mentally and physically, which suggests what kind of a person ur H is so pls forget abt him...jus concentrate on goin back...And to be very honest, concentrate on one thing at a time, it would save u from kiosk as u r already tensed and need to be strong at the moment....

    Firstly, I would say collect all your documents, valuables, money etc, do not leave anythin with him.
    Secondly, take a proof of ur husband's income/salary, whtever it may b and also save and send the chat messages exchanged between ur IL's and your H.
    Thirdly, I would say pls do not leave him, do claim allimony and dont give him a divorce untill u want it cause he might divorce u, marry someone else and then start with the torture again....

    Have faith in God, stay positive and strong....Good luck to u..Pls keep us all posted I mean after u reach India so that we know that ur safe...God Bless U....!!!
     
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  3. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Dear,
    I am sorry about your situation. Be bold, gather yourself the courage to fight back, come what may.

    As all other ILs have suggested, collect money, bank details, jewellery, chat details, etc.

    If possible try to record without his knowledge if he fights or behaves differently with you.
    Last but not the least, before you land in our homeland, try to seize your passport and related stuff too.

    Life is full of ups and downs for everyone. So you are not alone in the pool.
    God bless you a peaceful life.

    Special regards,
    Tinku.
     
  4. DivzIyer

    DivzIyer Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Wathznext

    PLease dont feel guilty about leaving him. U deserve much more than him. Whatever your life is after this, it will be better than where you are. U have to be strong and bold. There will be times when they will try to blame you for everythg and make you sound as the devil but please always remember this is there trick to get out of it easy. We are all there with you for advises and support but girl this is the fight for your life. Be strong and you will get through.
     
  5. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi whtznext,

    Take all the gold and come back.. (wear some ornaments with out him knowing and come back).. There is no harm in taking their money becoz they are rich enough and they can get dowry easily from another women if they leave u.. Financial security is most important..
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Pls do not prolong your phone calls to your parents....anyways you are planning to go to visit them...and your ticket is booked..so just be casual...

    Please until you reach India safely, do not visit this forum anymore...you never know he can track your steps by visiting cookies or history. so delete all hte browser cookies and also browsing history. wait until you reach India beffore you login to forums again.

    Yes dont under estimate him...your husband may / may not have guessed what you are upto!! however...I have a question: what is the plan after you reach India and you tell him that you are not coming back and that you are ready to separate!! what if he says he is sorry for all that has happend and he wants you to come back so that you both can work it out!! what are your plans then??have you thought about those?this is the next step after you go back to India safely....you have time to think about it...but have a plan for this situation too.
     
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  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Also please take any documentation or proof of his physical abuse. Any pictures of the marks left behind.
     
  8. littlelost

    littlelost Senior IL'ite

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    Hey,

    Excellent advice given by all, there is nothing more I can add. But just a few words---I am a person who left, I did not think I will leave for good at that time,but anyways.

    You are already a very strong woman!! I am now divorced and to be honest-- life is not easy,it gets depressing and after all the physical and emotional abuse, I think it takes a while to heal.

    But you know what--no matter how hard life gets, you can live it with dignity and peace and be safe.
    It is not worth living with a human being who has been abusing you for money. If you can face living with such a monster, you can face anything in life, be strong!

    My prayers for you,
     
  9. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    From your post, looks like you have put a lot of thought and effort into this. Once you have come to this decision
    follow it along. Secure all your assets: savings, certificates, gold, etc. Take utmost care of yourself. Do not give into blackmails or threats.

    Once you come back to India, talk to your family and decide on the further course of action.

    God bless and good luck to you..
     
  10. whatznext

    whatznext New IL'ite

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    hi all, read all your replies, before i reached india.
    we packed our luggage separately and then in the airport one of the luggage was heavy so there was mixup, he was kind of hiding on a bag, looks like he bought something for his parents and didnt want to disclose. He was so much pestering on me keeping the gold in one of the baggages on his and kept, however i wore them all later. I know its not so important, but still.

    In the airport his bro and dad were there and my family was also there. My family said to my H and his dad to come home and go as its onthe way, so he said no no, my mom is waiting lets go there. So my famly intervened and said, see things are not the same like before lots have happened and our girl will go with us, she is not well and needs to relax and take rest. His father took him aside for 5 min and then my H said, ok take. So though they were like taking my luggage to their taxi, i asked my bro to put it into my parents car, after we left a little while later, my H calls my parent"s phone and said, where are u people we are waiting for u. Such rubbish, we said we have almost reached home, he said ok and kept. A little while later, one call came to our phone who said, that he is from airport authority some international something and that my H has complained that their wife is missing. and she was taken away by a lady and a man and someone... so i took the call and said i was fit and fine in my parnts house, and enquired which authority he is from and all, he started asking if your husband is not so fine, and if somthing is wrong abt him, i sensed something fishy, and said not thing like that and started enquiring. so he said ok ok and kept phone... when we caleld back that phone realised that it was some stupid guy who was known to H family.. and they were doing drama...

    Nothing much happned after that, i am still in a shocked state, dont know what to do, i am waking up in shock inbetween sleep....

    He was good to me at times and he used to hit me at times, when he was good he was very nice, speak well, take to movies, and all but when he gets angry if i speak about his parents and stuff he used to hit me very badly and push me and kind of physically strongly push me and all. I dont know what he is up to. All i wanted him is to give some respect and keep things that happned between us with in us. he used to tell his parents, and friends and everyone. I dont know if he is good and being brain washed by his sister younger not married or if he is bad.
    I now am thinking, weather he will call or not... all are telling me not to worry and all. but its my life i dont know what to do.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2012

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