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Pissed off by MIL's taunts.........Pls help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anjanaram18, Jan 28, 2012.

  1. anjanaram18

    anjanaram18 New IL'ite

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    Dear friends,
    I am new member of IL. I got married 6 months back. Mine was a love cum arrange marriage. My MIL never liked me. She always shows how she hates me from her behaviour. She even didnt spared me on my marriage day :cry:.

    My DH & I are settled abroad. We use to call MIL on weekends & she always gives a dose of taunts for the whole week. I feel very bad for it. I couldnt share it with my blood relatives because they already warned me for MIL's nature (she behaved badly with them as well before my marriage). But I was deeply in love with DH so I got married.

    We couldnt celebrate any festival with in laws as we are living abroad. So we decided to celebrate Makar sankranti with them. I was very excited since it was our first festival after marriage which we were celebrating with in laws. But my joy came to an end the day I entered at MIL's place. She was continuously giving me taunts & telling me how bad I am & how my SIL is better in every ways. I dont have mother but I never missed her that much when I was at MIL's place as I was feeling very alone & want to cry in my mother's lap :cry:. When I discussed my frustration with DH, he asked me to forget everything, but is it easy to forget? My each day starts with the memories of MIL's bad behaviour :-(.

    I love my DH very much & despite of all odds I married him. Isn't it his duty to take care of my emotions & stand besides me infront of his mom? DH behavior also irritates me as he dont want me to talk about things that happened.

    Please help me & give me your valuable suggestions as this frustration is ruining my life.

    Regards
    Anjana
     
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  2. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    hi anjanaram,
    i can understand you very well as you sound someway same to mine..just the difference is that your MIL is shwing her anger and my MIL is a sweet poison..i do understand all her moves but she is too sweet infront of her son so he thinks that i am bad.
    for your problem i think you should ask your DH once again about this thing that you are not going to take this insult anymore.its enough..and onething i would like to correct you here for is, that its not only you have married DH he has also married you inspite of her mother not liking you so its absolutely his duty to comfort you in his home and standby you.just warn him about the future consequences where you loose your patience and give back to his mom then he never ever dare to utter a word if now he cannot say a word from your side and stop everything here rather than letting it get worse..
     
  3. anjanaram18

    anjanaram18 New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your reply mybaby1. My DH supports me sometimes but he always feels himself stuck between me & his mom. I understand his position but who else I have with whom I can share my problems.
     
  4. superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi, U mentioned that u knew of her behavior before marriage itself..inspite of that u accepted the proposal..so plz come to terms with it. Develop some hobbies, interact with her only when necessary, keep topics to bare minimum. This is going to be tough, but accept that she is as she is...u cannot change her...u can only change the attitude with which u look at her. That will help u keep ur cool and be happy. Also, dont involve DH in minor topics. DH may take sides but it hurts him to speak against his own mom even if he knows his mom is wrong.
     
  5. superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    U have ILites to share..plz dont involve DH unless it is a major issue. Most MILs try to provoke DILs and then go on saying how DIL answers back to elders, etc etc....if u react ur exactly doing what they wish. DH will get troubled if u go on telling him all minor issues that happen.
     
  6. Rums

    Rums Silver IL'ite

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    Anjana - This is a common behaviour with MIL. The best thing would be not to expect kindness from her. Just be nice and polite and be on your way. if she is a good MIL she will like you eventually. Time alone solves this problem. If she is basically a good person she will change. If not, don't worry about it. some people are like that.
    Dh cannot do anything here. They just don't know how to handle these situations.
     
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  7. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Anjana..ur prob is very common as most of the MILs love to show off how good they are and their daughter(SIL) and taunt their DILs and make them feel bad. You need to learn to ignore all this. I have suffered this and I am still facing this issue. I have a MIL who will nag and complain about everything I do and her mouth is quiet only when I am in office. She constantly nags me and hubby on how bad I am at home management and cleaning, cooking blah blah. She always praises herself and my SIL on how well my MIL has taught her to manage home and family. It gets really annoying but you have to ignore it else you wont be able to live your life. Get yourself busy with work, spend less time with your MIL and don't fight with your DH. At the end of the day ur relation with ur hubby matters and don't spoil it for your MIL by saying things about her to ur hubby. He won't like hearing anything against her and she will get the chance to spoil ur image even more before your hubby. She might be insecure about u like most of the MILs (mine is still insecure after 1 year of marriage - ours is a love marriage and my MIL feels I will throw her out of the house and will be mean to her married daughter i.e.my SIL). Let your MIL say what she wants, let her taunt and you just ignore it, don't react. She wants u to react so that she gets a chance to fight with you and show her son how bad DIL you are. When you wont react she will know that you are not affected by her taunts and will eventually stop. Be polite and nice as she is ur hubby's mom and your hubby should know that you are good to your MIL so that even when she says bad things about you to ur DH, he knows that you are good only, it is his mom whose behavior is problematic and not yours. If she is just insecure, then eventually she will stop taunting once she knows you better.
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2012
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