Personal Questions In Public

Indians are indians wherever they go.. Its good that you gave nice reply, I dont think she will come back with such personal questions again.

 

It's not with the location. It's about the mentality of the person and about the habit of poking nose into others matters.

It's not only in abroad, but I have seen these kind of people in India too. I don't know when people will learn to "Mind their own business".

Anyways you already told her, hopefully she will get the message and stop bothering you.

 

My story takes the cake - we went to my husband's super junior's house for a get together. Another couple had come there. The wife would be at least a decade younger than me. She had a new born baby and my daughter and I were playing with the little one. Out of the blue this female asks me - why didn't you have a second child - you didn't try or you didn't conceive? I was zapped for the rest of the evening. Yes I refused to go to her place and will continue to do so.

I thought long about it - I have lots of free time and the best answer is an innnocent - why?

Any other question - any other rationale provided - One kid is enough for us - with a broad smile.....

I was so naive when I got married - even though very late - but marriage and its attendent problems have brought out the devil in me
Attack is the best form of defence - and attacks should be sweet, sticky and drown the enemy once and for all.

I will confide - it hurt me because I wanted a child badly. But never ever show chinks in your armour to an outsider.

PS: A confused why is my standard answer to all intrusive questions. Most of the confusion is natural as I don't understand why would anybody be interested in "that" - and I make no efforts to hide it.

 

Ha!!..they are everywhere..inside your own family..outside..workplace..I had my second child after a considerable gap, and have faced queries like 'oh after so many years, why suddenly'...whats the reason for such a long gap??..and so on..I casually answer with a straight face, we misunderstood the slogan 'maintain gap before the second' or 'oh we were just doing it all wrong'..we are not here to change anybody and its not possible too. So better learn to tackle them..still its just annoying beyond limit, sure.

 

OP,
You are over reacting.
As per my experience, it is very common with INdians and even Americans talking about plannings kids.
so i dont see anything wrong with the lady asking that question.

My sons teacher said " He likes toddler kids, may be time for 2nd one". She was american not Indian.
There was an old american lady in office who asked me few times, planning for 2nd one. this is the right age.

my husbands colleague gave a detailed experience with his only daughter and suggested to have 2nd one.
so many people and we never felt bad or wrong.
I can say upto 20 ppl would have discussed and asked us when my 1st kid was 4 yr old.
Not only us, i see that happening to my friend who has only child. She has health issues and she gets irritated.

At work place also have seen people talking very openly about their planning kids etc.
one of my american colleague married and next week everyone were asking her how was her honey moon, is the baby on way or more time etc.....

In India my aunts and grannies ask many questions about these topics.

 

It can be annoying but maybe not something to get so worked up about. Some people are brought up that way and it is deeply interwoven in their culture. They are not being mean or spiteful.

Hispanics are quite similar. I have had hispanic coworkers ask me similar questions at first introduction. "Do you have kids? Is it that you did not try or cannot have". Also, they are equally open about their own family planning, how many kids they have, how many they intend to have and why - all too much information without being asked. It is just their culture.

My extended family is similar - I stopped visiting them, not because of the same questions over and over again (why no kids, why no mangalsutra, etc etc) but because there is no other conversation. Nothing beyond the same mundane questions year after year that it no longer seems worth it to commute to remote towns for the same questions asked and no subsequent conversation.

Irrelevant conversation is more bearable when it is balanced by relevant conversation alongside.

 

Good evening dear lady

In my opinion, there are differences between persons. Some people show open affection , some people need privacy or exclusiveness of a situations for expressing affection. Some people are extrovert, some people are introverts. Some people do not like to be aware of others' presence and some people are always wary of others presence or gaze or attention. Problem starts when two different kind of people are together. It is not that, as she asked you a personal question , she is a bad person. It is a private talk of ladies, but it seems she is liberal and is not minding the place and time and people around. Interestingly, you may find, she is ready to talk about herself also. Enjoy the question and her innocent urgency and interest in you. There are thousand and one sweet ways to avoid answering the question in public. Problem is that, if others are discussing such things you may not find it so disgusting, as you are feeling in your own case. What to do ? Everyone is not same. If a man asked this to you, it is certainly offensive, but that does not apply to another lady. Take it easy and dodge the question of the lady but don't avoid her. Friends are not so easily available.

 

A simple 'Why do you ask?' should shut down all but the extremely socially inept.

 

Ok, so maybe me and my friends are TMI but baby questions don't offend me at all.

These were after I had my second
Friend 1: 'so, you gonna have another one?'
Me: 'No way, I have my hands full!, how about you?'
Her: 'that's what you said the last time! Well, that's what I said the last time!' (she had just had her third) and we both had a good laugh. but this is a close friend so we discuss everything

Friend 2: 'will you be having anymore?'
Me: 'mayyyyyyybe. But certainly not anytime soon. Maybe in five years'
Her: 'If you want to have another, why wait?'

An aquaintance I knew was open about her and her H trying for a second one. when I broke the news that I'm expecting she congratulated me and voluntarily told me they are still 'working on it'. She got pregnant months after I had my baby.

A girl I knew from gym asked me if I'll have anymore. I said there is a good chance I may not. She expressed her desire to have more (she had 3 including a set of twins), but her H was not too keen on it. I was already pregnant unbeknownst to me when we had that conversation. When she found out, she was very happy for me.

There are so very many conversations I have had with women I know like the ones above. Btw OP, NONE OF THE WOMEN ABOVE is Indian. It's funny how no Indian friends of mine have ever asked me this question. If you are offended, give out vague answers like 'who knows? We'll see what happens!' or 'we are not thinking about it, our hands are full' or just a 'our house and hearts are full right now, but I'll never say never!' or 'we are not planning anything, but if there is anything, we will surely let you know!' dont forget to smile and change the subject immediately.