Now, this is a phenomenal woman. An inspiration and role model to millions around the globe. I read her recent short interview (In case you haven't read it, a quick internet search will pull the article up) and felt like I wanted to sort out my mixed thoughts on it. She has responded to two questions and her answers deal with 1. She relates an incident that happened with her mum The inherent gender bias in the incident she has related, leaves me gob-smacked. Of course, her mum is a product of her times, you can't blame her; on the contrary, you have to praise her to have nurtured such a fantastic daughter. On the whole it leaves me very unsettled. Ms. Nooyi has just stated the incident without judgement; yet isn't there something we, as a society, need to learn from this? What? That as a woman, she is grounded, knows her place and hence has reached those heights. Or that despite these obvious biases this brilliant woman proved her mettle? My brain is about to explode trying to figure out how to eradicate this gender bias. Especially because I have a little girl. Any ideas? 2. Why she thinks women can't have it all. She has, of course been extremely resourceful in organising backup for the family when she wasn't around. And yet, she admits that she has had to choose. It is true that as it stands today, women have to make choices which seem heart-wrenching. The truth is, men do it too. I see my husband struggling too on days when he leaves before our little one wakes up and returns after she is in bed. (they happen much more frequently than we'd like) Or when he has to go away on a work trip and our little one declares she's really cross and will only speak to him when he returns... The key point I took away from this bit was that she developed innovative work-arounds for when she wasn't there. And she didn't let the guilt get to her. She has broken the mould to show that people can achieve just what they are capable of. I feel now, what we need to do is redefine "ALL". Once that is done, women, and men too, can have it all.
I read/listened to good part of her interview & I didn't think her "coping method" (innovative method to take care of family) allowed her to have IT ALL. It just gave her false impression of being involved and having it all when she really wasn't. She talks about her young daugther use to be upset at her for not showing up to grade school at 9 am for coffee with the class. The daughter would list all the parents that came & how she wasn't there. Her innovative method was to call up the teacher next time and get name of all the parents that didn't show up so she had a response to give her daughter that "I am not the only bad parents. all these other moms r bad too". It made her feel good but I don't think it made her daughter feel any better. Another method she had was to use her secretary to give permission to her kids if they can play video game or not. Which made her feel like she was involved but really your secretary is talking to ur kid. She is inspirint women for US desi female who grew up family giving mix message about marriage vs. career. She is super sucessfull but I don't think she has the solution to having it ALL
Yes, Kera. I agree she doesn't have it all. However what is this "all" that everyone wants to have? My husband loves cooking and spending time hands on with our little one but he isn't able to do that. I had a good career but chose to give it up when we decided to have a child - as we'd planned for a decade before. We both have regrets but on the whole the positives outweigh the negatives... And that's good enough; isn't it? It is awesome if at least one parent is hands on. If not, there have to be substitutes organised - looks like she provided that care rather well.
I read the article and could not help agreeing with Ms. Indra Nooyi..even being able to afford all and every kind of backup if she can feel this then we can easily imagine state of normal working moms..her views are very practical and true..of course realistic...she did not make any utopian comment...every word is true.. Even when a woman multi-tasks, tries to balance both worlds , she has to constantly cope with a nagging guilt...there is no escape from it.. For men, career is their priority..while for a woman career often becomes an option..and even if she manages to maintain one, the juggling act becomes tougher and tougher..in the eternal quest for having it all, women end up blaming themselves for every single wrong thing happening around...even society is quick to point fingers at moms when kids falter... Being a woman is like being Goddess Durga..but mostly we have to fight with inner demons of guilt and stress...
guesshoo - I think accepting reality and being happy with good outweights bad is how we should go. But most female/people aren't happy with having some, they want IT ALL. Having it all means, having a super flying career like CEO of major company & being that mom who bakes cookies & attends all school event and never gives her kid reason to say "you weren't there for me". Most people choose one or the other & find subsitute for the side they lack. Whether its deciding on keeping a career & having your mom/MIL/husband look after the kids or staying home & clipping coupons so less money is spent. I appreciate Ms. Indra Nooyi being honest aobut her life instead of trying to show the world she HAS IT ALL.
People, I didn't see any regrets in the interviews. Just facts. That's one thing we can all learn from her, no matter what you choose to do, don't regret your decisions. I don't think she regrets not being around too much now at this point in time. Maybe then. And kids are kids, they feel bad today and forget it tomorrow. They move on and we should too. From all of these discussions I also understand one thing. We need to stand up for ourselves and demand respect. Nobody is going to hand respect out to us in a platter. And life doesn't stop or pause at one point for us to go do what we want come back and re-do it the other way. Lets not worry about the road not taken. Lets continue down this path that we have chosen and be there for each other.
OP I'd read the entire interview when it came out and found it insightful. And she is fairly right in saying that women can't have it all. Despite achieving heights in her career, she admits she didn't have it all. She had finances and resources to cover up for her shortcomings as a parent; everyone doesn't. I'd go a step further and say that women AND men can't have it all. This pursuit of "All I want is everything!" is impossible to achieve in the real world. A person (mother or father) can either be an awesome, always there, super parent or an awesome, super-achiever career person. Or be fairly average in both roles. But certainly can't excel in both roles simultaneously without giving up something. That's just not possible. And I read a comment saying that kids feel bad today and forget tomorrow. That's an overtly simplistic view. That's not how it works. These factors impact a child's psychology deeply and permanently, and shape them into persons that they grow up into. And kids never forget.
