Peer Pressure Kids,parents..school..

Discussion in 'Education & Personal Growth' started by anika987, Nov 9, 2018.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Ok..so far so good..
    LO is only in kindergarten..was talking to my neighbor and she scared me to bits about peer pressure and stress for parents and kids in school..

    I told her am going to focus on my child and wants her to do well but she is like that won’t be enough coz if the other child does better then my child won’t get into the gifted program which I didn’t understand..

    Also many kids by 5 are already in kumon and a zillion extra curricular activities..

    Few parents are pushing their kids to
    First grade when they didn’t even meet the cut off and are very upset when their child didn’t get into it


    PTA and how much should one be involved in it..

    How much interaction one has with the other parents?

    How tough is schooling and how much pressure do the parents and kids face?Is it too worrisome?
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Schooling - very tough; pressure - 1 Newton x grade square; too worrisome - yes.
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    If you don’t mind..can you elaborate a bit?
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Mom can decide to be laidback, and not get caught up in the rat-race of extracurricular activities, academic supplementing of school learning (kumon types), not to join the frenzy of getting child into gifted program... Mom can repeat the resolve every weekend to an uninterested dad (who knows she has everything covered), but mom meets other parents, sees flyers from school, etc etc and is pulled back into the worry-worry-worry cycle.

    First-time moms learn only by 6th or 7th grade that elementary school didn't need so much worrying.
     
  5. Amulet

    Amulet Gold IL'ite

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    Eventually one would learn that the 2nd child is almost always the better adjusted one.
     
  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The other day the teen going on grandma was asking me why I didn't push her to do more dance. Why I didn't insist on continuing dance when she had completed eight years and was three years away from an arangetram. When I told her that she made the decision and we supported it, she looked at me in the eye and asked "Who listens to a 12yrs old? You should have put your foot down. Why can't you be a little more involved and pushy"?

    Moral of the story - Regardless of how involved or not you are, your child will make you feel like loser parent of the year.

    Take it easy in Elementary school. It will get to a boiling point in HS. Then, taking it easy isn't an option anymore for kid and parent. You will be glad you relaxed in Elementary.
     
  7. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    [​IMG]

    can't help thinking this is apt @anika987 love dont overthink too much..one day at a time and one class a year. it all trickles down to the parent. if you are raising a happy well rounded kid forget the pressure, the tension.

    yeah, when people asked me how are they doing, yeah they are doing fine, the best they can do, and i am happy they gave their best..

    recently, my dd told me, when we were kids, you always told us forget what others do, do better than what you did yesterday, be a better you..i understand that was the best suggestion or practice you could have given us. we never felt the need to compete, the need to feel let down.. maybe we did stumble through it..

    PTA , with a absentee parent to boot, have attended all the pta that i had to..never asked why the kids are not performing, or why the kids did not get the 1/2 mark, or much, even when ds came home and told me that x copied from my paper, and got 51/50 (it did happen, and that is a funny story that showed me how pre conceived, judgmental teachers can be too..) while this guy got some 30 ot 35..but have been vocal about how learning should be in general which went well with a few while did not with others..have told them i don't care for their marks.. to the extent have been threatened by a science teacher, that she would make my ds's life miserable and she did slash his lab and internal marks..but i am happy i stood by him. he has moved on to uni..and he says, why do people fret so much about marks that don't matter much after the college door opens..and he is happy that he was not pushed and prodded into this rat race..

    my interaction with other parents was very very limited..if you have been in the schools here, you would know, it was too much for me.. i kept away from art classes, music classes that any of the classmates attended.. kept to a different group..it also helped that i lived a little farther than the school zone..


    (my kids studied in 9 schools in different state, different countries too.)

    be part of a good group where you can discuss, without being judged, where you learn more everyday, where you can talk about your kid's tantrums and even the ** word... parenting is stressful as it is, with loads of permutations and combinations, don't add more allowing, negative and toxic and over competitive kind into the mix..

    your child will resist, test, rebel and you learn along with them.. the only suggestion from me, be clear, consistent and firm.. no confusing signals from you.. (i don't worry about your marks.. and the next moment, did you know x got 100 and is first in her class..)

    again this is my pov.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2018
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  8. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    :roflmao:Been there and felt that! Couldn't stop smiling!
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Happened with us too. In front of another person. One activity we discontinued after kid said want to stop, and we discussed it with kid employing more procedure and back and forth than a parliament discussion. I was already feeling like I am an inch tall.. the 'another' person then commented, "could have at least continued with classes every other week." :facepalm:

    Funny thing is all look at the mom like she only cruel Cinderella step-mother style took the joy out of the life of the child! No one says anything to dad who is right there!

    Later, I asked dad, 'should we have insisted that it be continued? did we give up too easily?" Dad: "we would have been blamed either way. By stopping we saved hours and dollars." :lol:
     
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  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana we had a very enlightening moment recently.

    we spent a Rs* for integrated coaching, but no extra pressure, the young man always wanted one course and one course alone..so we thought we were enabling him. he scored not much to enable him into that reputed institution, while he got the first rank in entrance to the present uni. we were offered condolences, and consolations for his failure into the institution is another story..lol.. the young man is happy and that is what matters..

    fastforward to present diwali celebrations, a friend x asks, why did you not go into the reputed institution..
    young man explains, you see when i was in the 11th i read a few answers about the reputed institute on quora, compared the syllabbus and courses in 3 of hte places where i have this course and i liked what was taught in this uni, and there was a professor who was doing research in something i wish to do my masters, and then doctorate.. hence i was not much interested in answering the exam for the reputed..

    me and dh look at each other, a arc of enlightment just struck.. wondering, if only, he could have told us at that point, at least we would have not been worried about him not getting through the reputed institution which was his preference for long...the money spent would never have been refunded though..

    these days, we are just listeners, we listen, and ofcourse saving and looking at collateral securities, just in case, he comes to us with the admission letter to the uni of his choice
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2018

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