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peculiar situation

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mybaby1, Feb 1, 2012.

  1. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    hi ladies,i have a problem for which i need some suggestions as how to sort it.
    some background..
    my SIL is getting married(this is not the problem).My inlaws and we are ok ,belong to middle class.just now the ring ceremony was done which was payed by us and arranges were made by the boys side and it was a huge function as they had 50 guests there which was too many for this small function. in mine and my elder sil ringceremony there was just both families..and offcourse we spend a lot..as to say much more than we were supposed to.
    Now the marriage has to be done in coming april.The problem is that the boys side is indirectly asking to have a good marriage and that too at their place which will cost us almost thrice the cost at our place and the tensions and cons of new place would be there.
    Now the problem is that my SIL who is a govt officer earning around 10lacks p.a and apart from that a number of perks is not atall willing to contibute a penny in her marriage.how can i make her ready to do that, as the kind of marriage her inlaws are expecting and also she wants to have a high standard marriage according to her post is not possible for my inlaws to manage.she is really a miser and for the past 10 years she has been working but never ever spend anything for her parents, which i feel very awkward and bad as i have been earning before marriage and i allways use to do what ever was possible out of my earnings because i think that whatever i am , i am because of my parents..But she is just a thankless fellow..my IL s are in a fix of what to do?pls tell me some solution..as talking to inlaws in of no use...she herself don;t want to spend a penny but wants the best for her...and my il are hesitating to ask her for money.My husband has also incurred a huge loss recently so we are also not in a position to help ILs toomuch....
     
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  2. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    According to me, it is NOT your problem, but your SIL's problem. Let your husband spend as much as he (your family) can and let your ILs and SIL decide what type of a wedding they want.

    If they can manage a grand wedding with your (your husband) support, then let them go for it.. If they think that your assistance are not adequate for a grand wedding, then advice your SIL to contribute further to make it.

    If she can not spend for her own wedding, then how can she expect her brother to spend so much? Make both your brother and ILs understand this in a very clear and diplomatic manner.
     
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  3. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    Your SIL is really a miser.....Whole family decide to sit and set a budget for her marriage. You and your DH tell your budget in front of your Inlaws. If she wants a grand marriage tell them it is not possible so soon or now since you recently spent for ring ceremony. Whatever financial issue you have, you ought to tell everybody so they can understand. Tell your DH to convince her.
     
  4. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    From your side what you can do is decide between you & your husband on how much you can contribute. Tell it to your in-laws & SIL that you can contribute only X amount & can't stretch beyond that. Be firm on that. If you PIL's are sensible either they will cut back on wedding expenses or make SIL contribute.

    There's no use in spending lakhs for a day's ceremony and spend years repenting it. Act fast and firm.
     
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  5. SSNmom

    SSNmom Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear mybaby1,

    Assuming that your ILs understand your point, slowly convey them that only a particular amount is possible from your end (you and ur hubby) for the marriage expenses. Also make them tell their daughter, that if the marriage needs to be performed as per her ILs wish, it costs a lot. Moreover even now if she is not ready spend a penny, after her marriage she will never do. So try to get some amount from her savings, not saying as compulsion, but making the point clear that it is needed.

    Regards,
    SSNmom
     
  6. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

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    A simple civil marriage followed by a dinner at an upmarket restaurant for selected 200 guests is very suitable for a miser like your SIL. I really couldn't follow what is your problem here. It's her marriage. Let her plan it the way she wants spending her own money. You can offer to gift something personal valuable to her. Like a jewellery or something. But keep out of wedding planning. My wedding btw was attended by 3000 guests, ring ceremony alone had 500 guests. I had shared 50% of the expenses with my dad and am his only daughter,
     
  7. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi mybaby1
    Your SIL just can,t eat the cake and have it too!
    Mega
     
  8. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    As some poster said..its not your problem its DH's problem. If you say something it will rather fall on your head and you might end up spending more. If your DH is matured understand your point..talk to him otherwise you better save for yourself and your Dh.

    Your SIL is real smart. She want enjoy on other's money and not ready to part with her's.
     
  9. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply dear.. but i don't agree with your statement that its her wedding and what is my problem.. it is my problem as i am also a part of the family. if being a single DIL i have all the responsibilities to take on me then i do have a right to say on matters. and the SIL is not alone and neither are we in states or some ultra modern culture where girls marry themselves here marriage is absolutely a family affair..so pls

    and as you said that let her plan out the way she wants her marriage to be spending her money.. but that is the thing she wants everything to be grand and her way but she don;t want to pay a penny for it(which she has earned just because of her parents)...then what will you say..she wants her parents and brother to do everything even if they have to mortgage their property she won;t care for once...the pain is that she is not a homely girl..she is a gazetted officer.. earning around a lakh per month...I have been a girl with principles where i believe that girl or boy they share equal responsibilities and duties to wards parents, parents don't differentiate in girl or boy while bringing them up..so i really feel bad and i am hating her for being so selfish.It isn;t so that i am wife of her brother so i hate her; even if i were an outsider and i got to know about such mean thinking i would have hated her..
     
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  10. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi SSNmom,
    thanks for the reply but i would like to tell you that its not the question of giving our part..i respect my ils and as my husband is the only son so he is supposed to help them and i am absolutely fine with it and my ils are also very nice they do understand that as we have incurred a huge loss it is ging to be difficult situation..The matter is that My ils have spend more money on their daughters as compared to son on their education and bringing them on this level where they are earning well..So now if they want her to contribute in her own marriage where is the fault..as my husband also contributed in our marriage..i myself gave all my savings to my parents for my marriage as i believe that it was my duty to help them afterall they have done so much for me..so why not SIL..she is on a good position but my ils are ok not so well..so hoe can she expect them to do a grand wedding..
     

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