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Pathetic Weddings

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SGBV, Nov 4, 2019.

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  1. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Recently I've seen a clip on my FB about a marriage, where the groom was a terminal cancer patient, who took part in his own wedding at his death bed, and died a day after.

    This was not the only one. I've seen many such videos where either bride or the groom decide to get married just a day or two before their death.

    Looking at the terminally ill patient's condition, I don't think they enjoyed their big days by any means. Like in the last video the groom could not even breath properly. He did not show any emotion on his face, rather than the rays of difficulties for moving his body.
    The other video was so pathetic where the dying bride could not even stand up, but how much she must have suffered to put make up, and hairdos for the wedding dressing?
    That's not a presentable state for a groom or a bride on their big day, specially before so many people in an altar, photos and video graphing.
    And weddings are meant to start a beautiful journey ahead. Not to end someone's life that way.

    Of course I appreciate their partners for taking up such an effort to give them the essence of their big days, which may be their dream.
    But, doing it traditionally by performing all the rituals, including make over, etc..etc.. are bit too much according to me for a dying patient.

    If I am on my death bed, the least I would want is to get disturbed like this. Perhaps, I would want some peaceful time alone with my partner to create great memories for both. hmm... its just me, but still I am wondering what goes in others mind about this?
     
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  2. Angela123

    Angela123 Silver IL'ite

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    @SGBV, you shared your view of not wanting such difficulties on your death bed. It could be different for different people. May be what you are seeing in the video about the dying groom/bride is one of their best days and may be their spouses wanted to give their best too. It all depends on how you see life. I have heard this before, and made sense to me that " you live life one day at a time". May be it's the sunrise, the rain or snow, or birds chirping, or anything that you get joy from, that is what you live the moment for. So may be for those people, it is the wedding that gave them joy.
     
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Who knows that could be the last wish of those patients?
    I never felt anything wrong in such videos. Whatever little time they had families and friends wanted to forget sorrow and cherish those moments.
     
  4. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    This is their personal thing, as long as they are not being a nuisance for us and public in general, its their wish. Nothing for us to judge or comment on?
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    If neither the dying person nor the other one is being forced to go through the wedding, and they decide to get married, it is their decision and one to be respected. If I came to know that either is go through it against their will, I'd try to do something, like alert a volunteer, guardian or some other person of authority.
    In the past year, I once had about 20 minutes to think about "if I am on my death bed" during a medical procedure. The person performing the procedure was not a native English speaker, and had a heavy accent. At one point, she abruptly stopped what she was doing, pointed wildly to the monitor showing some readings, spoke really fast, and went away to call someone with what I thought was panic on her face and in how she practically ran. For 20 minutes, it was just me in that room. My cell-phone was kind of out of reach. : ) I thought of every possible thing including what would be good last words to say or write. : )

    Anyway, I digress. It is actually quite difficult to accurately say what one would want when on one's death-bed. I'd most likely ask for pain relief. If someone close to me wanted some ceremony (like me witnessing a child's wedding) while I am in hospital, if it meant a lot to them, I'd go through it if they promised to record me from a distance and not release the video till after my wake.

    Are such topics OK to discuss? I think yes. By discussing the topic we are not personally going and telling these people not to do it. It is natural to be curious about what others think of an event or trend. There might be a movie made with such a wedding, and that could give rise to discussion on why people do this. Fair enough. It is like me starting a thread on why do people dye their hair bright orange with henna such that it looks like the husk of a ripe coconut. I wouldn't tap a stranger on the shoulder and tell him/her the hair color looks awful but I'd be curious nonetheless and would start a thread here.

    Any such discussions are about the choices people make and it is not curbing in any way their freedom to choose that.
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks a lot @Rihana.
    In fact, I am not here to criticize about other's choices. It is none of my business.
    But I am just curious because such choices are very far from what I think or believe in. Hence posted here to know what others also think about them.

    I assume that was a sudden call... and perhaps you were not prepared to deal with it; hence the outcome was different. I too had such sudden experiences. Like, all of a sudden your periodic health check-up raises some concern to your GP, and he orders further check ups, and you browse internet to know what are they... and the internet takes you almost to hell till the reports are ready.
    During those times, I would imagine everything. Everything like preponing my DD's birthday, stopping the house construction, asking sorry from everyone, and doing power of attorney etc...

    Well, I had been in the real death bead for a couple of months, without knowing whether I could survive or perish. Other than some hopes for a miracle, nothing was in our hands back then.
    So much tests and trials, so much emotions, so many plans and what not.
    After a point, your mind and body would prepare yourself to deal with whatever it is. Because you have absolutely no choice here.
    During such times, all I wanted was some lone time. Some peaceful time with my very close buddies.
    I had my 7 months child and my mom to call as my buddies that time.
    Imagining myself in such a way like a bride before everyone was out of question for me. Hence I was bothered whether these buddies are in full control of whatever happens during their last times.

    I am 100% ok if they actually want this, or willing to participate. Who I am to comment if the choice is theirs.
    But how do we know whether they are in full agreement here?
    Because, at that stage of your life, you become a complete dependent on your care-taker, and then whatever the choice is made on behalf of you is actually the choice of your care-taker who thinks this is what you want.
     
  7. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    You are back tracking a bit after seeing the replies but title of thread “Pathetic Weddings” is clearly judgemental and critical of it. You softened the stance a bit after the replies.
     
    sbonigala, mangaii, Roar and 6 others like this.
  8. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    It is their personal matter, and if that makes the patient happy, so be it. It may be the most meaningful and cherished experience for the ones living it- nothing pathetic about it.
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    I would still call it pathetic.
    Just that, if it is the choice or willingness of the patient, then yes... Its good & indeed a great memory.

    But what if that's not their choice?
    When someone is terminally I'll, most likely they become their care takers dependent.
    And most often, they lose the thinking capacity as much as a normal person.
    I know this, bcz I've been there.

    That's why i see some of these weddings as pathetic, because i could not see any happiness or satisfaction in the face of those terminally I'll patients, but a lot of discomforts all over their body.

    And i can't imagine myself like putting up make up for 2 hrs and doing my hair when my mind and body demands some rest.
    So, for me such weddings seem pathetic because i believe weddings are to live and not to die.

    Anyways, I respect others opinions and perhaps soften my way of thinking by seeing different perspectives
     
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  10. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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