Past memories haunting me..

Please hold on there, you are not alone, many women away from home and living in a foreign country like you have faced this problem, please think of your little one. If you are being abused however, and you want to really get out, then please do before your kid starts associating with the father. Then it will be definitely a problem. Whatever you do, don't think of suicide, that will be very hard on your kid. You are responsible for your children, you cannot run away from that. So please hang on for the child's sake.

 

Dear OP,
Your problem is something many women face, both in India and abroad. You need to start developing a thick skin n take care of yourself as well.. There is absolutely no need to take nonsense from you MIL n get upset at this stage.. You now stay seperately n should learn to be more assertive.. Firstly, pls realise that your mil being mean to you is not your fault.. Most MIL's are not very nice to their DIL's cos they are either jealous or feel its their right to be mean cos they were treated badly as DIL's.. So its not a personal attack, even if you were absolutely perfect she would've found a million faults in you n found you incompetent to be her son's wife.
Learn to deal with the issue practically.. Don't be rude but don't tolerate nonsense.. What's past is over n there is no way you can change it.. So don't keep thinking bout it.. It's not easy but you have to let go of the resentment you feel towards her.. From here on how you are treated is in your hands.. If she speaks rudely to you, walk away.. Respond only if you are spoken to decently... If you don't want to help out, dont.. If requested kindly, you make a choice..
Expectations will never end... The more you bend backwards, the more you will be pressurised.. And no one is gonna notice your feelings and change without you ensuring it.. Your relationship with your husband is seperate from the reln you have with your MIL, keep them separate.. You don't have to tolerate nonsense just cos your his wife.. It's your choice.. If you want to let's some issue go cos you love your husband, you can.. Else you can choose to say no..
Your husband may not be realising the amount of stress you are feeling.. Pls have a talk with him n explain your feelings.. You dont have to do whatever he wants you to at all times.. You r not a slave, you are his wife.. He is giving his opinion on the matter but the ultimate choice to do it or not is yours. Pls realise, its not his life being affected, its yours. So you need to take a stand n not allow anyone walk over you.. Think about what would be acceptable to you in your situation n don't give in beyond that. Be reasonable but don't let others be unreasonable with you..
If you are feeling too upset over these issues, pls meet a professional counsellor..
Your life is too valuable to lose over such small issues.. Take care

 

Almost all MILs dislike their DILs either because they dislike the intrusion of an outsider into the family or because they are jealous that their sons's priorities are changing or because they hate sharing the love of their son with someone else or maybe they feel sidelined and feel their importance has reduced.. Whatever the reason is, she has no excuses to ill treat you.Have a honest talk with your husband and tell him you need his support to continue in this marriage...and that he should speak up for you when necessary...
Now MIL is old and needs you to help her, also you are living separately....Use this as a point in your favour..whenever she makes hurtful remarks or shouts at you etc..just leave her apartment immediately and do not take her calls or visit her till she apologizes..How much ever she talks it will be of no use if there is no one to hear..If she needs your help in entertaining people who come to her home, agree to help her only when she behaves well with you..if it's ingrained in her head that she will get your help and support and care only when she is on good terms with you, she will atleast make efforts to maintain peace..
If anyone like nieces etc brings indirect news from your MIL tell them firmly and politely that you know how to take care of the family and they need not interfere.
All MILs are drama queens..the drama of not eating food due to something and expecting son, DIL etc to beg for forgiveness is a tried and tested one..Indian MILs are expert in this.. hence do not fall for this and ignore her.

 

i will also say develop thick skin. dont pay attention to all her emotional drama. see brighter side that ur hubby is good and caring. here many are with both problems MIL as well as hubby. take that as plus point and try to work out with it. try explaining and convincing him about avoiding to go there as u have study and son to look after.
just give deaf ears to her and with time she herself will stop complaining as it wont affect u...

 

your DH has apologized on her behalf, has told you you will not have to live with her. The ball is in your court. it is up to you forget the past and start living peacefully with your DH. He has changed OP, do not spoil your relationship with your husband and your child's relationship with his father because of the past. let go before it is too late. be happy in the present

 

Hi
please control ur self , just be happy th ur baby.... Engage ur self with day to day activities and baby things.just read any books or chant lord names with in u. Never think about any thing ....because I too in d same boat... I can feel ur pain. I too in foreign country .. Only one child, my MIL N BOTH SIL's made me suffer a lot. I m just ignoring , don't want to meet them.... Just relaxing bath baby, chanting gods names made me little free at lest