Passed 2nd Year Anniversary

Diesel72 · Jan 1, 2018

Hi,

I created a thread a year ago.
Wandering Minds Of Newly Married Guy

An update, nothing changed. We live abroad alone without other family members.
We are living together for the past year. But we sleep in different rooms.
Wife does not work, nor cook everyday or do household chores.
She does her laundry and I do mine. I do the cleaning and most chores.
I sometimes cook, she does help out. I am not too concerned her about doing things around the house, I am trying to get her enroll into school or some work, but unfortunately could not convince. She does not have friends here, most of her life she spent with her family members, so trying to get her to be more independent.

Just bought her a gift for anniversary. Could not take her out due to some other issues in my life.
I was under some pressure, had more pressure at job, some financial crunches - losses in market. So could not concentrate or put more effort on improving my marriage. I go out less these days.

Now kind of trying to turn a new page from last few months. Changed job.
Finances, don't care about it much. God has provided us more than enough and I just realized cannot worry too much. I could not even discuss the things going on in my life with her.

We are having a lack of interest on both sides. Still want to keep the relationship going.
I kind of feel she is trying too. There are some good thing about her, she does not complain much despite adjusting to a more difficult lifestyle.

I have not visited counselors yet. Maybe this time when we go back we will try to find in India. Please post if you have any tried any good ones.

I just have run out of ideas, so posting this here.

MonikaSG · Jan 1, 2018

Try to sleep in same room. The more time you spend together the more chances you will get to make relationship better.

Grihani · Jan 1, 2018

Something is seriously wrong if you are not sleeping in the same room, it need not mean you have to become intimate physically but at least a touch, a hug is very important to bond. Have you tried to find out why this is so between you both? Does she like you? Does she love you? Is there a reason why she is so disinterested in life altogether let alone you? Was this marriage forced on her?

madras2018 · Jan 2, 2018

This sounds like a dead marriage. The longer it stays the way the less likely it can ever be fixed.

Get help now in whichever country you are in. There are a lot of indian counsellors even in u.s if thats where you are.

Sandycandy · Jan 2, 2018

Your wife’s lack of interest in the marriage and other aspects makes me wonder if she is depressed .Is it possible she carries the baggage of her earlier relationship and is forced into this marriage? There is something going on and you need to address this ASAP before things get worse.
If this is not fixed in 2 yrs I doubt it will in your lifetime . Convince her to go for counseling with you now.
Hopefully counseling fixes things , if not it’s for both of you to decide if you are ok spending a lifetime in a “dead marriage “ ( rightly put by @madras2018 )
Happy new year ! Hope 2018 gives you some much needed clarity and happiness.

liya1984 · Jan 2, 2018

Sorry to give a negative reply.
Been in the same situation as you are , in the end you are the only one who's suffering.
Your wife will never understand the sacrifices you have made to make this relationship survive.Whats the point in living your life for this society, family, friends etc!
The decision is yours - i wasted several precious years of my life living with an asexual.