Parents Vs Brother Vs Me

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Dear OP

Has your parents discriminated you from your brother while raising up you both?
Has your brother received many favors from your parents in terms of love, luxuries, extra care etc, while yours were neglected?
Has your parents spent a lot on your brother like for his education, job etc, while neglecting you?

If your answer is yet, then you are justified in settling with your newly found family by completely neglecting your parents. And can expect your brother to return whatever the favor he has received from his parents.

The above may be the case in your H's family, so him and his parents are right that the daughters have minimum to no responsibility towards their parents.

But what is your opinion?
Have you been discriminated while growing up?
Do you feel that your brother alone has the responsibility to take care of your parents and not you?

Generally parents don't discriminate among their kids based on gender, though the society demands so.
We girls get to study, gets the freedom of life, and a fat wedding sponsored by the parents just as the boys.
We also have equal shares in parents assets.
We speak loud when it comes to discrimination, and our rights. But the same girls go silence when it is their turn to return the favor in the name of responsibility towards parents.
We conveniently blame the husband and in laws and the society for our inability.

Would you keep quite and accept if your H has an EMA?
Would you accept if your H chose to spend nothing on the household?
Would you keep quite if your PILs abuse you or your children?

If the answer is NO, then how come you conveniently keep quite when your H go against your parents' wellbeing?

If you have enjoyed a childhood, a decent upbringing, and a life at your parents' place, now it is your turn to return that favor to your parents.
You have 2 choices:_

1. Go out, look for some decent apartment for your parents near your home and bring them to live close by you. So that they can rely on you for any needs (be it physical or emotional). Ensure that you visit them frequently, shares food and fun with them, and they get to spend quality time with their grand kids
If it takes you to spend money, then I would advice you to stretch a bit, look for a job (even giving tuition classes at home) and help them as adequately.

2. Be silent, blame H, in laws and the society and be not regretful of your negligence.
But be prepared to accept the fact that you have equally failed as your brother in taking care of your parents.
Life cycle doesn't end there. You will grow old, and your children (male or female) will also grow big to equally neglect you to taste the bitterness of your own medicine (that you give it to your parents)

 

Very relevant arguments

 

If your financial dependency makes your life this hard, and it gives you no respect in your marriage, then for god's sake you try to become financially independent.
You seem to be educated, and what's bothering you from becoming independent.
Not for your parents, but for your own self respect and happiness.

What are you gaining in this marriage where your H can chase you out of the home at anytime if you raise your concerns?
Are you happy this way?
Are your kids happy seeing their mom helpless and fragile like this?
Are they learning anything good from such a life of yours?

See... with this dependent life no one seem to be happy.. Not you, not your parents, not your kids...
Then why the hell are you holding on to it.
There are uneducated women who work as maids and cleaners to stay independent.
There are women who take extra miles to sustain their self respect even after marriage and kids.
You are educated and have fairly access to all the amenities to look for a job.
Don't blame your dependency.

 

Ur brother is in foreign with his family . it is their decision. U can ask ur brother's family to visit ur patents at least once in a year or ur parents can visit him in visit visa.. I would like to tell u too need to visit ur parents often at least for 3 or 4 days every 3 months with ur children.

 

Ok mistake is done. Past is gone. But present is in your hand. Learn to standup for your self respect. You can do some small part time work from home like making handcrafted jewelry and sell online.... Try to convince your dh that you wish to do this for yourself.
Really ur dh n his family is too too living backwards by not letting you work..not letting u take care of your parents....threaten u with throwing u out of house.... Really???? Why are you bearing all this??? What message are you giving your children?
Children learn from observing the home environment and parents behaviour.
So you want your kids also to have same mentality?? Do u want them to grow up and think this is normal to restrict women and cut their wings off n treat them as doormats ???

Instead of saying you are helpless.... Try to help yourself and do yourself favour.
Your parents will never ask you because they dont want to trouble your marriage...but do you think your marriage is really worth all the restrictions forced on you?

 

Deleted .

 

Committing to not working outside of the house is not a mistake. Many women do that upon marriage willingly or at any given circumstance.
My SIL did that too, as my bro wanted a wife who stays at home and focus completely on the family matters. Because he was very busy with two successful careers that time (An emerging private business and a professional Government post). Therefore he was upfront on his request before marriage and accepted SIL upon her fullest agreement only.
I don't think he was wrong.

But SIL didn't agree blindly into this contract called marriage. She questioned about her own space, pocket money, personal expenses, support to her parents and siblings (as and when necessary) as well as a domestic support at home.
She agreed to this marriage only after my bro's fullest agreement on the above.
I fully stand by her assertive nature.

Till date, she has all the access to their joint account, and she has a credit card and she is not questioned about her personal expenses as long as it is within the family's agreed limit just like how my bro is expected to spend.
With this, she, for sure extends supports for her parents, and arranges her visits to their place etc.

That being said.... You can't say that you are happy with this life when your life is at a stage where you can't have financial independence, and freedom for decision making.

You say that your H will chase you out of the home if you visit your parents as you want.
You say that your H and in laws are against to bring your parents somewhere near your home - leave alone bringing them to your own home to live with them.
If you are really happy with this life, then what can I say....

In fact, looking at your HAPPINESS, your parents would have decided not to disturb you.
But taking their words as a token to not to support them is sheer selfishness lady.,

Come on girl.... What is this?