Parents Vs Brother Vs Me

1) who is your inlaws or husband to decide where your parents will stay?
- your parents gave birth to you and if today you are a wife, mother, dil etc it's because of your parents. Tell this straight in the face to in-laws and husband.

- I'm sure your parents would have financed your marriage as usual Indian girl parents or by demand of in-laws. Remind them this and say that if they had no problems taking gifts or asking wedding expenses from your parents then they should also help them .If can't atleast let you help your parents.

2) Asking your brother to leave his work, place, lifestyle, his kids education etc and move to your parents place is unfair.

At the same time as a housewife, with unwilling husband to spend money on his wife's parents, it is difficult for you to take care of them too.

SOLUTION : take help of a known friend or person in your place to get a 1bhk house for rent and then discuss with your brother about this arrangement in the best interest of your parents as their children.
Tell him that as a daughter you will take care of your parents physical health and emotional health but ask your brother to monthly transfer to your parents account a certain amount for the rent and other needs of your parents.

This way, neither he has to totally shift his life nor he has to be guilty of not being able to take cr of parents and sameway you will be happy to have your parents nearby you and not have financial tension as your bro will takecare.

But for all this, you must be firmly but politely tell your husband that no matter what, if he as a son is liable to take care of his parents then you as a daughter have right to take care of your parents as well. Tell him that you wont force him or expect his help financially or otherwise for your parents but he cannot tell you not to help your parents.

P.S most.important of all, stop feeling depressed. I have in my life faced worstest of the worst situations and emerged as a stronger person without anyone's help. Feeling depressed n bad n helpless wont change anything. That's what i learnt.
Be it anyone husband or kids or even parents... They can only love u n be by your side when you go through worst but its you who has to help yourself to come out of it stronger and find ways to solve the problems.

 

See thats what I'm saying. Whatever your inlaws believe its upto them. They cannot force you to not help your parents. You need to talk directly without beating around the bush about this matter.
If they keep telling this, jus show them internet article where court itself said that a daughter is as much responsible to take care of parents as a son is irrespective of married or not.
You have to show courage and not let inlaws control your life. You must oppose their control else suffer whole life. Is this what you will teach your kids? Do you want them to see their mother as a loser being controlled by inlaws? Or you want your kids to learn from you how to stand up for yourself and do the right thing? Think.

 

True .

True

 

Nice solution.

 

Firstly I feel your pain very much . But first you should think how to do your part in taking care of parents beore expecting bro to move to india and take responsibility .
Parents do equally for sons and daughters . Same way both sons and daughters have equal responsibility towards parents .

I understand your in-laws attitudes afterall everyone is selfish but it doesn't mean their expectation is correct. It
should not stop you from doing the right thing . Try to discuss with bro and come to a mutual agreement on equal / fair responsibility division . He can provide financial care you can provide physical as you are not working. I like idea of 1 BHK near your house and bro can pay the rent .

And one thing to always remember . If you r concerned on something you just start yourself .You cannot ask your bro to move to India and live with parents before you yourself are ready to do exactly that much for your parents what you are expecting from him . Sons and daughters are equal . Just like your husband and inlaws are against you
taking care of your parents maybe his wife is also not too excited to move to India and live with his parents, or just career issues as you mentioned . So first solve your own issues and do your part before expecting from bro just because he is a male.

 

This post is a fine example of how women are unreasonable in their expectations from others. I don't like living with my in laws but my brother and his wife are supposed to take care of my parents because it's the son's duty. My parents also live alone.

Give a thought to parents who don't have a male child. How do you think they manage? They learn to live alone.

 

Play deaf to in-law's unfair complaints. You have a duty to your parents just as your husband has to his. Their philosophy that parents are a son's responsibility is dated. You invite your parents to your home, insist on them staying with you from time-to-time, let them spend time with your kids. Send your kids and you too visit them during kids' vacation. Don't live your life by what others say or think and then regret later.

Later, when your parents need your help in day-to-day life bring them closer to you. Make an agreement with your brother about who will take care of what. Since he is away he can mostly contribute monetarily to ease their life and also be there physically whenever he can. You can physically be there for them and also take care of expenses if /when needed.

 

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