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Parents Support During Divorce

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by MammaMia, Apr 21, 2017 at 8:15 PM.

  1. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    You are responsible adult. Do not expect much support from anyone be it financial, emotional or physical. Its your life and you have to be strong independent. Parents faced their own struggles, now they are old. Don't expect much.
     
  2. DDream

    DDream Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP, Going through divorce or separation is not easy, especially for a woman. So you need to be super strong. If possible, try not expect anything (help, emotional support) from anybody, including your parents. If they do something great, good, if they dont do , its OK.. create that attitude.. that will save you from unnecessary emotional reactions. Else you only will suffer. Be strong
     
  3. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,Be strong. You have to find your inner strength to go thru separation /divorce. Your parents reminding of old episode is rather childish. But then everybody has their own behavior. I am sure ladies here can approve with my saying that parents don't approve half the things we do or say.At the same time, you need to take this rehashing story part as a lesson and find your inner strength. If it is possible to stay independently , do so. Familiarity breeds contempt almost always. Visiting is lot different than staying indefinitely after marriage or divorce. I know some ladies may feel I am wrong but its a fact almost 75%.We heal much better if we have to heal by ourselves rather than surrounded by even family who keep opening scars. Love for family is different than how to respond to us.

    Look for alternate accommodation and move there instead of parents. Stop sharing everything with your parents. If your mom brings up that incident , brush it off. Do it repeatedly and once in a while say you don't want to be reminded of it.If your parents are coming to talk about marriage to in laws and husband tell them you have decided even before meeting. If they insist you give the marriage a chance , tell them how you feel firmly.Good Luck.
     
  4. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Potential divorce is a tough situation to be in. I hope things turn out the way you want them to. *hugs*

    There is no right and wrong in your relationship with your parents. Try and figure out how to make it work for both of you instead. It will help you to know exactly what kind of support you want from your parents. Specifically, what would you like them to do for you? If you don't know/convey what you need, they won't know either.

    Figure out the best way to handle them, and more importantly how to handle your reaction to them. One way is to jokingly say "you raised me like this, what to do?" Another is to be more direct and ask what we need to do now so there are no regrets in the future. If it's impossible to discuss your marriage with them, don't discuss it. They can still offer emotional support just by being there.

    When something goes wrong, most people try to analyze why it went wrong, what they could have done differently. Shoulda woulda coulda doesn't help, yet it crosses our minds. Unfortunately, sometimes this results in blame apportioning. To get past that, spell out what form of help you want.

    You have a lot on your plate battling your DH and ILs, don't take on a war with your parents as well. Don't even think about cutting off this relationship. Instead, be sure to thank them for loving and supporting you — this is just as hard on them as it is on you.

    Good luck, @MammaMia.
    .
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2017 at 5:59 AM
    BhumiBabe and Rihana like this.
  5. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    Since u were married to the guy n lived with him day in n day out, only u can better judge him n decide about divorce..ur parents no mater how aged cant decide what is wrong!!

    age is definitely not something that makes people wise or clever.....some indian parents say we are older so know more but its not true.....as an attorney, i have come across some 21 yr olds who are way more shrewd n clever n smarter and then i have come across some 40 yr olds who are so naive and simple...

    i see lot of cases n age does not make people wiser or smarter or clever or shrewd !..its life experiences that shape a person...some 21 yr old if has had a challenging life, he/she would be way clever than a 40 yr old who had a very comfortable n easy life !!

    don't waste ur life on a wrong man..n be assertive of what u want in life, even in front of ur parents....it is nature's law that no one gets too many chances in life so make a wise decision....

    .if things go wrong in ur life, others can't handle ur problems, not even ur parents or siblings or relatives - they can just console u or support u for some time but they can't get back the time u wasted of ur life on the wrong person !

    n u shud be teh best judge for urself..some indian women stay in marriage even after lot of emotional or physical abuse or even after 3 slaps - may be they grew up with extremely poor self worth/esteem... while some walk out after just 1 lie...

    u shud know ur self worth..u can get ahead in life only when u are assertive and don't give in to pressures from anyone...ur life is precious so make a wise decision.....n if u r worried about re-marriage , it has become very easy these days...each of my indian origin friend who got divorced- with or without kids, got re-married easily n the 2nd hubby is much much better than the 1st one ! ..........May be because they knew their self worth and knew to be assertive even in front of family n how not to waste time on the wrong spouse n knew what they don't want in their 2nd husband so chose wisely n have a successful 2nd marriage !
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2017 at 6:01 AM
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