Parents/siblings

It is too late - water under the bridge. The best and the only thing is to minimize further erosion. Ensure that the dad uses the savings towards the house loan before the wedding. Otherwise they may end up in one of the brother's house. Then the wives may not be too happy.

 

Somehow something does not sound right. If all 3 children were equally competent and interested in becoming doctors, don't know why parents would do partiality. Maybe something more is there to it. I have a feeling the sister was more hardworking/better at studies so they provided her higher education as per her potential and no one should resent that.But if there was a deliberate partiality, it is wrong of parents. And, if so many sacrifices have been done for one particular child like selling the property, then that child should feel the obligation and take maximum responsibility of parents .
But since she seems to be selfish , and parents are also encouraging that by using their savings for a wasteful expense(wedding functions/rituals) instead of completing their home loan. One should first concentrate on closing loans instead of wasteful spending on functions/rituals.Since, she is not willing to take responsibilities, then you should tell your friend to take care of his parents alone.That is the right thing to do. After-all they are his parents and he should take care without calculations/expectations.That is the moral thing to do.He should not become bad/selfish because his siblings are like that. He should do what is right. It is not because of his gender, but every child should take care of their parents to the best of their capacity.He will surely get emotional satisfaction form doing so.

 

Women fight for equality when it comes to rights but shirk away when it comes to duties.Your friend's sister has taken parental support to gain. She should support then back in their hour of need. If she won't, your friend should support his parents to the best of his abilities.

Disproportionate sex ratios, dowry system, marginalisation in education and health care etc can be resolved only when women take on responsibilities along with rights.

 

First and foremost what is right is to care for the children that you brought into this world. With all due respect to bad/selfish and moral/right thing to do etc,. your children didn't ask to be born; so your duty is to plan for their future, irrespective of whether they are going to take care of you or not. After budgeting, if you have any left over, you sure can help your parents who are in a way irresponsible. I am sure majority of the folks will disagree.
As for the wife, if your friend's income is limited and she has your friend's children, she has vested interest. Philosophy and reality are different )
I have seen instances where the oldest one sacrificed and at the end, could not help his own children. Rest of the family became well to do; but no one extended help to the oldest brother's children.

 

well said @Topaz49. I totally agree with you.

Your friend's responsibility order shuld be Children, Wife and only parents...
No need to worry abt siblings wedding.. she should have savings and ask your parents to settle the loan amount and then do some savings for future..

If she is planning to tie knot with Another doctor in grand way and to settle nicely, she need to spend for that in her own money.

And if possible ask friend's wife to start something for earning...
Worst case scenario, your friend shuld be able to provide food to parents..

 

I guess the story from brothers does not add up , the youngest ones studies come up last, so the decision for the elders not going to medicine must be different .

Each child is responsible for parents , looks like brothers wants to escape their repaonbikity and sister is also not too willing.they have to discuss together and come up with a plan.

If sister is earning well, she may have to take more monetary responsibility.

 

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"Many people in society will not sympathize with the son if he asks his sister to share responsibility even if she is earning. ....society expects sons to take care of parents alone."

First of all times are different. In olden times only boys inherited; now per Indian law girls have equal share. Olden times boys were sent for higher education and they were biased towards girls and their education was not considered important. That is not true. On the contrary, girls are not only educated and they give gold and get them married too. Due to the changes in the society, wedding expenses should be equally borne by both sides and if parents financial situation is not strong, the educated boy and girl should take care of their wedding expenses and not put parents in debt.

It is time for the society to change and treat both boys and girls equally in all aspects.
It is now almost accepted in the Indian society - to fall in love and marry, inter-cast marriage, even divorce. Dowry is illegal and I know of cases where even when boys family didn't ask for dowry, girls family wanted to give it as symbol of their status. I also know of girls family advertising indirectly dowry in the community and corrupt the system to get better qualified boys.

In my own family two of my nieces (both IT educated) 25 years ago refused to marry if the boys family asked for dowry and didn't give their parents any choice. Their father indeed found very good boys without dowry. Ultimately, their father turned down dowry when their son was getting married in spite of the fact the girls family wanted to give dowry. Yet, their daughter-in-law's father took large amount of dowry when their son got married. That son could have told his father "you didn't give dowry, so I don't want you to take the dowry. Youngsters are the only ones who can initiate changes in the society.

It may not be very easy or comfortable; but, parents change if children stand up for the changes. At the same time 5 years ago one of my other niece (well educated IT) wanted her parents to pay dowry as the boy was from US and she felt it was the less cumbersome way to come to America. BTW, she is in US making more money than her husband. She could have easily come on her own; but, all her cousins were in US and it is her desire to get here as quickly as possible without struggle. That is selfishness on her part in adding burden on her parents who already spent a lot on her education. Children if they love their parents also should not burden their parents.

Olden days arranged marriage can in some ways be justified because children were married at much younger age before they were fully grown adults. Of all the things adult girls and boys should have the freedom to choose the single most important thing in their lives that affects their future is selecting their own mate.

It is time to completely stop arranging children's marriage, taking dowry and about time to treat both boys and girls equally. That is when we are going to progress and not have children as retirement funds. If you can't afford, have only one child and give him/her the best possible opportunity to survive in this complex world and at the same time be responsible and plan for your retirement.

No excuses for breaking down what is discriminating and changing the society and it is the responsibility of the youngsters to stand up to bring about changes in the society..

 

Whatever you are saying is correct. But realistically in this case, what can the son do if he cant afford? He cannot see his parents on the streets. So he only has to support by cutting from his kids. The sister, because of whom parents are bankrupt today refuses to take responsibility.Although maximum responsibility should be hers in this particular case. So my suggestion was clearly for worst case as sister is not willing I genuinely want to know what can son do in such a case because I'm sure none will like their parents to be helpless and abandoned in old age.What is fair is different matter and practical is different.

 

@Topaz49 Fair is that the parents should have been responsible with planning , sister should have taken more respomdresbility . But practically , I think now the son should only take care because of the situation. Afterall someone hashto taietcare of parents now. What option do you think there is ?