Parents Role In My Life

Once you are an adult ( 21 and over ) you are responsible for any decision that you take , this includes saying yes and not putting your foot down when you had doubts about the alliance your parents brought for you. Most parents want the best for their children, including yours.

 

I can understand ur view. From now on try to be independent in taking decisions. I think u are doing that now. Many children especially girls go through being more emotionally dependent on parents (both or one of them). After marriage women change and learn to become independent.

 

Op,you are partially to blame.
You stood up for your parents,why not for yourself?
You accepted all the decisions of your parents because you wanted to be the good girl. You wanted that tag.

I was not independent but put my foot down when I saw red flags. The red flags were not red enough for my dad but I stood my ground. After that I had to hear snide comments for a year till my husband's proposal came ( again arranged)
I was also a good girl but some things in life are too important and we have to take a stand. Period.

Now that you are fine with your husband,try to make a happy life with him.
His mother is not with you. Why are you craving for her blessings for your daughter. You are an educated women. If the grand mother means well,she doesn't have to be present for functions to bless.

There are more important things in life that these functions. Be happy with your parents blessings or go for a short vacation instead .

 

If there is anyone to be blamed, I would blame you for the mess you are in today.
Because, it was your life, your marriage and it should have been your choice.
You must have been assertive about all those red flags at the first place.
If a young, educated, vibrant woman could not understand these red flags, how come your old, orthodox parents understand all this?
Your parents gave you education, and it was your turn to use that education to set up your future life.
Regardless of all your educational capacity, you chose to overlook your H & in laws faults, and blindly hoped everything would be all-right?
I assume your parents would have hoped the same too!

It is very much irresponsible to say you blindly trusted your parents, and nodded your head when it comes to serious decisions like marriage?
If that so, what is the point of attaining adulthood, and having education?

 

There are two ways to look at your situation. Either you look into your past and blame everyone including yourself for this mess or look at what's in your hands right now and make the best out of it .

Nothing good is going to come out of repenting on why your parents chose this family or why you acceded to their demands. Nobody is to be blamed, neither you nor your parents . All that is done now so no point justifying or rationalizing anything . Don't let anyone make you feel worse by saying that you chose this so you are responsible . Well, if you are responsible for all bad thing that have happened to you so far , you can also be responsible to overturn everything and try to live life as per your terms right ?

The silver lining in your case is that your hubby is in your side unlike most couples who have issues with their in laws . If your hubby is with you , half your problem is solved . To me you seem to be a good, responsible wife and that is why your hubby has been quite supportive of you . Your family now is you, your hubby and kids so as long as they are happy, you are good to go. And now that you are a grown up lady , you don't have to depend on your parents to say yes or no so you better stand up for yourself and take charge . How you do it that you figure it out !

 

Op...marriages are a big gamble. Arranged marriages are more so.
The best parents can do is make all inquiries and if things still go wrong, stand by their child and support.

Your parents may have missed the red flags but it looks like they do stand by you .
No point in looking for blame.
No marriage is perfect. Look at the positives and work towards improving the negatives.
Best wishes.

 

First of all you need to be more assertive..and confident of yourself..
I don't understand when MIL abused...before or after marriage? And did she abuse you all for?
You could have cancelled the wedding but gave in to family pressure and did not..
U do not have to be obedient always, think for well being also...
Parents think for good of the child, sometimes it back fires...they maybe feeling guilty as well..
And sometimes even if enquiries are made for arranged marriage alliance, nothing is 100 percent..there are some MILs who are highly educated and are in respectable professions, with no red flags..entire family may appear very good ..they appear to be of high thinking and soft spoken to outside world..but after marriage they shout at DIL and harass her...then what can be done?
What's over is over...you cannot go back in time..neither can you indulge in a blame game with your parents and create more bitterness..
Most important is husband..
You mentioned that he is a reasonable person...so pls focus on your life with him..
Utilise the support which u get from parents and enjoy family life and concentrate on career..

 

Like most parents, your parents struggled to provide you good education, get you married and be by your side when you have issues with your MIL.

I am sorry, but it is completely your mistake. You should have fought harder and said NO if you did not like to get married. What made you get convinced then and find faults with your parents now? Why cant you resolve the issues with your IL's and why do you expect your parents to deal with your MIL directly? Who knows, your parents were sucking it all up because they did not want your MIL to give you more troubles because they decided to pick a fight with your MiL. Being a well educated adult and a gazetted officer, you should be able to take charge of your life and solve your issues by yourselves. Your husband supports you, which is a big plus.

What else do you expect from your parents when they are supporting you as much as you can?

Just because you gave in, when they convinced you to get married, you cant push all the blame on them. If there is anyone to be blamed, its you. You should have stood firm and stuck to your guts.