Parents -ponder Over

DURGA RAVI · Oct 13, 2005

It would not be exaggerating to say that two most power-filled words are
'Sorry' and 'Thanks'. Indeed, every one of us would have used/use these two
words for unaccountable times in our day to day life from our child hood
till end. Be it for small, simple errors to those errors than can not be
pardoned when one uses the word aptly is relived from the stress of guilt.
So much power is filled in, in the word 'Sorry' indeed.

Similarly another power filled word is 'Thanks'. No other word would match
or on par with the word 'Thanks' when we want to express our gratitude's to
the one from whom we receive any kind of favor or favorable complimentary
words. Both the words sound very simple yet consist heavy meaning contained
in it.

What has to be concerned and pondered over is that whether the children in
the present generation are aware of the importance of these two words. In
other words, the expression of guilt or the gratitude is becoming less in
them. Rudeness is being exhibited in them very often indeed.

I may sound strange to some but then let me go little deep into the subject
that supports not only my view but many as well.

A lady who worked as a teacher for many years indeed opined
that the children in the present generation or not so polite with elders or
with their peers. She said she many times observed children pushing their
cycles into the lift in the multistoried residential buildings and sometimes
if it dashed the inmates (even if they or older people) does not bother to
say even "Sorry" and perhaps act as ignorance is bliss, to illustrate one.

When we were strolling, my friend congratulated her friends daughter for
winning reward in one of the competitions and we were surprised that the
girl (belongs to middle section) tossed her head in pride saying "Yah" in a
most impolite way and did not thank her for wishing. My friend indeed
repented for having wished her at all.

Retorting with one another among the peers has become a common sight in the
present days. No amicable or polite way of interaction is seen among them
surprisingly. Even a decade back children were not so rude while interacting
with their peers or with elders. It is indeed alarming trend in the present
which needs immediate attention.

Surprisingly a lady was commenting that she insists her 31/2 year old child
to talk back rudely with the friends in case they trouble or tease him. When
I told her that it would be better to teach the child to ignore if someone
teases rather than being rude she replied that children in the present
generation need to be brought up with rude mind attitude to face the rough
world.

Astonishingly this kind of opinion is not of only one parent but many.

Perhaps, the children are being induced to be rude by the parents in the
name of coping with the rough world around. The world around us is not an
alien place but consisting of people like us only. It is indeed a wrong
notion and it would be dangerous if continued with the same trend for the
future generation as well as parents too. With single child or two being the
present trend, most of the parents are affordable to provide many facilities
to their children and able to explore them greatly with the help of
advancement in the science. Perhaps unawares, most of the parents brag in
front of their children for the facilities they have provided to their
children which lead to arrogant behaviors of the child ultimately leading
the child to behave impolitely with their peers or friends. Similarly
various factors if analyzed reveals that parents are at their fault for the
rude behaviors of many children in the present generation of course with
exception of few. Its high time for us, parents to analyze our way of bring
up the child. It appears most of the parents are treading on the wrong path
with wrong notions which is robbing the polite behavior in the child. let us
parents remind that if we bring up our children to be rude with their peers
or elders tomorrow in future we should not repent if the child (our grown up
adult by then) behaves in the same manner with us as well, as they are
getting used to it from their child hood. Time and an issue to be ponder
over indeed!

G.V.K.Durga Ravi

MUSCAT.

kavya · Oct 16, 2005

It is not just parents, it's what they see around too!

Hi Durga,

That was nice article - started off very well about the 2 most powerful words everyone of us unlimited number of times - Thank you & Sorry. Yeah...I do agree, that we use it very rarely meaningfully.

I might not fully agree with the piece of your article that says today's children are rude because of how their parents grew up and they using the two powerful words for the sake of it. Though it might be one of the reasons, it's also what they see around in the society.

I had been in the US for quite sometime and I have seen people there use the words 'thank you', 'sorry', 'excuse me' too often. Nothing against the US and the people there, but thinking about how they use it, they use it more like a voluntary action, but many don't have the time to pause and take a look into your eyes when they say those words. They mostly think they are courteous by just uttering those words.

While, I had been to the UK, I have noticed that the English are very well mannered people (from children to the adults). When they say 'thank you' or 'sorry' they just look into your eyes and utter those words. You know that gives a good feeling when you receive of that kind. It seems meaningful.

Now, I would not just attribute this behavior towards parents. It is the society in which we grow up and what we see around, we intend to behave that way. These days people are busy and inorder to match up to the business they tend to rush in everything and turn out to be rude at many instances.

This is just my thoughts...

DURGA RAVI · Oct 16, 2005

Reply

Dear Kavya

thank you for sending your views on my article. On the whole, I feel that you have accepted that the children in the present generation are rough and rude in their behaviour with elders. I indeed forgot to add the last line in my article which explains the ultimate object of penning the article.
Let us not forget that "Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot!" I hope you got the drift, right?
Anyway, your explaination about western culture will be an eye opener to those who try to ape them, lets hope.

DURGA RAVI.

kuttimayil · Sep 11, 2007

hi all,

The problems being faced by the present parents are mostly because of generation gap.

This age group of parents are like medium of transition from old generation to new generation.

The new generation ie our kids are being born and brought up with silver spoon, the way in which they don't understand others' problems like we do. they don't just bother about their parents and brothers/sisters also. they are growing independantly which we never did in our childhood. we played together/lived together/enjoyed together with our relatives/friends/neighbours.

The old generation sometimes, is not willing to accept the changes of global technical advancement. In the in-between gap, the middle generation, is facing the problems of tackling both. we hv to satisfy both of their needs without disappointing them in any way. if we are unable to do that, then we have to face the consequences.

i've been in the process of bringing up my son in a way such that he should respect others, others' feelings and grow as a mind-healthy child. but still i face the same probs mentioned. they are lost in the world of TV, video games, and other activities which occupies most of their time and mind.

we should be strong enough to point out their faults and we should advice them to go hand-in-hand with both technical advancement as well as our tradition, culture, togetherness, hospitality, etc.etc.

eventhough my language is not so good, i wanted to express my feelings about this generation gap for a long time. hence, i wrote colloquial english. sorry about that.

uma.:yes:

arch174 · Sep 11, 2007

hi everyone,
this thread is very interesting & topical ..
I fully agree that today's children r equating their confidence at an early age to mean that they are the bosses..no one stops to say thankyou & sorry does not exist in their dictionary..not even a 2 yr old can say sorry..
Myself , as a parent I make it a point to say sorry if I make a mistake.. & expect the same from my children..I wonder if most of the parents do the same..
children r indeed very smart & they learn by example..our example..I am not ashamed to make a mistake & say sorry..that is my message..
besides parents are also human ..children will respect us even more if we accept our mistakes in an adult manner..

Kamalji · Sep 11, 2007

Dear Mr.Ravi,

wonderful article,and sorry to see so few comments on it.

Yes todays kids are mostly rude.And i blame the parents for it.The kids do as the parents do, plus the parents encourage their kids to be snooty,and bossy.They dont realise this will prove bad for their child in the coming years.

I amy be wrong, i am still old fashioned where values are concerned.I have seen those kids who push their bikes in elevators,they do exist.

Thanks for the wonderful article.Regards.kamal;

Shanvy · Sep 11, 2007

hi durga,

Thanks and sorry are two powerful words....yes children dont like to say sorry or thanks.....

It is upto us parents to practice and preach...

I for one teach my kids..saying sorry does not make you small...but it takes a lot of courage to own up a mistake and say sorry....

Thanks..also the same...

It should start at home...i dont mind saying sorry to my kids if i am wrong and also thank even the vendor..who comes home..so kids learn to do the same....

rajmiarun · Sep 11, 2007

It is the parents who should inculcate the words Sorry and Thanks at a very young age.

I have taught both my kids to own up for their mistake. But I have seen them refusing to say sorry on those occasions when someone say they have done something wrong which they have not really done.

Infact my son who is two years old will wait for the elders to say thankyou and after a few mins if you are not telling him thankyou for something he has bought you or he has done you he will say welcome and walk off. And at the same time he will thank you whole heartedly even if you give him a glass of water. I am proud to say that he has taken this habit from his sister as she is his role model

subbutr · Sep 12, 2007

Yes dear Durga ravi,

Well presented post with meaningful message on how we teach our children and how they respond.

The basics of Life are being taught at home first, as what we are will be our children.
Motivate the kids for being the best citizens of the future.
Subbu

Vysan · Sep 13, 2007

Hi,

That was a nice article with lot of inputs from various quarters...

It is inddeed two great words.... Sorry & Thanks...

Nowadays thanks is used as a mere formality.... and sorry never comes out of anybody... why should we talk of children alone... Even elders, even knowing that they have made a mistake they couldnt accept it and say sorry... I have seen this a lot in corporate world....

For saying sorry, we need lot of courage....I feel lot of people lack the courage to accept their mistake....

Unless we imbibe the values in our kids they are not going to learn thes things...

Veda