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Parents of Partners !!!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Malar2301, Feb 23, 2011.

  1. Malar2301

    Malar2301 Gold IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]
    A bond that unites any two entrepreneurs into Partners in Life is Marriage – a relationship that ties two hearts with the rope of love and trust.

    Everyone acts well as individuals. Means, as a mother (mother’s love it’s obvious!!) And father they love their son/daughter at most and always does anything that makes them happy. There is no ego, no comparison, and no revenge. On the other hand as son/daughter they always respect (some exceptions – it’s obvious) their parents, shower their love and fulfill their dreams. Parents cannot accept if someone speaks ill about their children and vice versa. Now everything will be fine until a marriage happens to the younger ones.

    “You need not worry…here after she is my daughter”, “You are my boy…”, “and you can consider me as your mother…” - Couple of usual sentences that Mother-in-law or Father-in-law repeat during the marriage or initial few days. Though certain people stand by their words, for many of them it’s kind of usual dialogues as soon as the marriage completes.

    In reality, a mother-in-law acts always a mother in law. She should think in mind that “she has left all her family and has come to her family….Will I do that to my daughter if she is in her position???” One of the reasons may be the possessiveness. Initial days she struggles to overcome her possessiveness on her son. Only after couple of years after gaining confidence on the daughter-in-law the problem fades. There will be good difference when she acts as mother.

    Both the bride and bridegroom expect that he/she who enters their life should look after their parents as his/her parents (it’s obvious again…). Now it is the turn of the bridegroom “you should call my parents as amma (Mom) & appa (Dad) only…do not call them as Athai (Aunt) or Mama (Uncle)…they will love to hear…”. He tries to bridge the gap between his wife and his mom – Nothing wrong. Bride on the other hand thinks… “Why should I call them as my mom & dad…only my mom and dad deserve that…” – it may be because of the love she has on her mother or father – Nothing wrong again and also no harm in calling so. But the same thing won’t happen with him. He won’t be ready to call her parents as mom and dad.

    The reason behind this is we are not ready to accept our partner’s parents as our parents. We always see them as aliens. We are ready to call our friend’s parents as Mom and Dad. Why not consider our In-laws??

    Both of them should think deeply that “for me my parents are the best…I do not want them to get hurt by any means…likewise for him/her too his/her parents would be best…why should I deny that???”

    When you respect your partner’s parents, the love on each other grows automatically. That will make the bond stronger. “See…he/she loves my parents as I do…what else I need…”

    Though the above stuff is a known one…yet I want to re-iterate here. After all we are human beings and we tend to forget. Reading such will kindle our thoughts again. And also when a thing is told repeatedly by different people at different times, we kind of accepting it unknowingly…that is why this try.

    I have just knocked your door of heart…Open to read through and let us give a thought to it…Thanks!!
    [/JUSTIFY]
     
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  2. RemyaSatya

    RemyaSatya Bronze IL'ite

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    Nice One Malar...
    Narrated well...
    My experience is different... and you may find it funny...
    @ my home, I am very open to my parents, and we are more of friends than anything else... I fight, I demand, I shout, I advise...:crazy and they do the same...
    @ his home, its kind of a perfect parent-child relation, in all ways which gives more respect than anything else...
    so initial days of marriage was a different experience for both of us... where he is wondering why this girl talks like this to her parents... and Me wondering, is he so goody goody.. will I spoil his name too
    we call both our parents amma-appa... or daddy-mommy...
    after sometime, My mom is finding it more comfy to talk to my Dh, than me , and they do exchange secrets, and talks everything to make fun of me... I am really Jealous...
    I do fight with her for that.... :evil:
    so whenever I say no for her things and advise her, she finds it better talk to him and get my approval than talking directly to me... and he is as goody goody boy... say "yes" to everything... Bow
    I am losing all my power and control... and I do fight with him for being so Good boy

    Even my 12 year old sweet little sister... is doing too much, he wants to talk to her sweet anna and get things done... luckily, I have made my part clear with my better half, even before marriage, that dont interfere between we sisters, when we fight on her study matters... so I guess I still have have my voice atleast there....So, he is trying hard to keep his word ...God knows till when... :confused2:

    So Far.... so Good....
     
  3. iniyamalar

    iniyamalar Gold IL'ite

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    Nice post.
    I guess these days the problem is much less. With so many opting for atomic family style,who is living with in-laws these days.

    :thumbsup Nice thought...and very well narrated.
     
  4. sureshmiyer

    sureshmiyer Silver IL'ite

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    Understanding is the key

    you have said it so well

    cheers
    suresh
     
  5. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    Nice post, malar

    Raji
     
  6. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Good post Malar, each one's thinking is different.

    love
    viji
     
  7. iswaryadevi

    iswaryadevi Platinum IL'ite

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  8. ILoveTulips

    ILoveTulips IL Hall of Fame

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    Very nice post Malar. Yes, initially the posssesiveness a mom have on her son makes her to behave rude with the DIL. Once she understands that and play low, the situation fades and finally she will start behaving like a Mother.

    Another thing is we DIL are in new world, we speak to many, read a lot..so we know how to talk or at least if insulted know how to overcome that. But MILs are old people. Family is all they know. Thats their world. So trying hard that somebody new shouldn't overshadow her importance is very very natural... We DILs should be big person here and forgive them and let them know that we are there to love the family and embrace their values...

    Very thoughtful post! Hats off dear!

    ILT
     
  9. Malar2301

    Malar2301 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Remya...its sound good hearing yours...you are very lucky to have your DH so comfortable with your family...Keep enjoying!!
     
  10. Malar2301

    Malar2301 Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah Malar...it seems to be less comparitively...as you said now-a-days people live a kind of nuclear family. But people being in joint family need to have lot of patience and open minded to accept things...Thanks for dropping in here to share your views!!
     

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