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Parents Issues

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sweetria, May 19, 2018.

  1. sweetria

    sweetria New IL'ite

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    So I am back on this forum after a long time and need advice on an issue which I am unable to get out of my mind. So recently my brother got married and my parents spent a lot on jewellery and clothes for his wife and on everything else wedding related. Even my sister and me were supposed to be given gifts but they did not give anything to us. My mom does not make any decision on her own and she just says that dad has not told her what to gift us yet and almost a month has passed since the wedding. Me and my sister have given good gifts to my Bhabhi and brother and have spent quite a good amount on it.
    Now when my husband asked me about what I received then am unable to say anything as I don’t want him and his family to think bad about my parents.
    But I m just continuously thinking that how can parents not gift their daughters anything.
    I am not expecting anything from them but our society is such that they want to know what I got. Please advice as to how I can bring myself at peace from this issue.
    Thanks
     
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Not getting into a debate over the societal norms, why not ask your own dad directly when he's the deciding person?
     
    September2015 and sindmani like this.
  3. IamAlia

    IamAlia New IL'ite

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    I guess the best would be to speak to your father openly about your issue and tell him you are unhappy about not receiving a gift. May be the thought did not cross his mind or he does not have the money.
    Only he can tell you the right reason.
     
    KamalaVasu and September2015 like this.
  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    I think your parents gifted you the jewellery & clothes during your wedding if i am not wrong, now it's your brother's wedding and it's his/his wife's turn to get gifts. I think you should not feel bad about this. May be your parents spend huge amount in the wedding, so may not be in a position to spend more. You should consider your parents situation instead of feeling bad.

    Why should they give you & your sister gifts? Why can't you & your sister give some gifts to your parents....if it's your brother's wedding, then it's their son's wedding right?

    If your parents gift you something, accept it happily...if not still accept the situation happily. Foundation of good relations are - Adjustment, compromise & accepting the situation and people as they are.....what others will say shouldn't be a problem to you because those others and society is not your family members. If your in laws and husband question you about gifts, tell them your parents already spent lot of money in the wedding and you told them to not to spend any more money for your gifts.

    Please don't feel bad about my response, I always feel sorry for parents who spend their life in raising their kids and satisfying their kids needs by sacrificing their own wishes. Once kids settle down in the life, then it's the turn of parents to enjoy the life without any obligations and commitments. We should not bother them with these petty issues in the name of customs and traditions. It's our turn to protect parents in their old age by keeping them happy and not to bother them with these petty issues. My suggestion is not to bother your parents by questioning about the gifts. Instead of that ask them if they need any help as they already incurred huge expenses in the name of wedding. Help them if you can.
     
  5. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Gold IL'ite

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    I guess your parents would have spent even more or at least equal for clothes and gold for you and your sisters' marriages . Now it's the sons marriage it's his turn they are doing for him what they did for you .your dad has avoided means he has monetary issue or he needs to save for himself now in old age .

    As for society it has many evil expectations are you ready to follow them all in life ? You can explain to your husband your old parents have spent lot for your wedding already. Now it is time for you to think what you can do for parents .

    And our society rules are not universal. There are also many women in this same society who pay for their own marriage and gold, many are helping parents financially too. I know it's not possible for everyone but at least should not keep monetary expectations from parents after marriage . If someone questions you abt the gifts, tell them proudly that you are not in favour of married daughters taking monetary gifts from parents but should help parents instead.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2018
    shyamala1234, Naari, kcb and 3 others like this.
  6. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Is the husband asking you about what you received? He should not be & if he does , then if I were you I would consider him very greedy. No dignified husband asks his wife what she got from parents!

    If he still does, just show him one of the jewelry pieces you recd from parents during wedding & say you recd that to cover for them. Though the right answer to such a husband shd be “nothing, so why don’t you head to Kay jewelers & buy me something, since they didn’t! “
     
  7. deepd

    deepd Gold IL'ite

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    I understand your situation totally dear. Same had happened with me too, I had given Gold and other gifts along with clothes to my SIL but mother never bothered to give even a small gift to me or my kids. Its not that we are being greedy or we really need some gifts. But it feels bad when some friend or relative from in laws side asks about it.
     

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