Parents calling inlaws

Hey There Cheerfulalways !

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. Just by reading what you have written about your MIL's behaviour, my blood is boiling. I can't imagine what it must be to endure it. I don't have an angel for a MIL myself.. she is quite the devil in my life but if she had said such things about any of my family members, I would literally catch the next flight to wherever the hell she was and probably physically harmed her real bad. I am not even exaggerating.
I think you should tell your folks about what your MIL has said about your grandfather and ask them never to call your in laws again. They don't deserve it. Plus I think you should really be strong and not take all this nonsense. You deserve better. Women like your MIL will never ever feel sorry for making their DIL's life miserable. They just want to see how much they can bend you before you break and once you break, their goal is achieved. So, you have to stand up for yourself and let her know that you will not tolerate her talking about your family in such bad taste anymore. Once she comes to know that you are strong and will not budge, she will back off. That's typically how it works.
In India, most girls are told right from the start to control their temper and are not allowed to speak up even when they haven't done any wrong. Speaking up in front of your in laws is like worse than committing a murder. Who made these rules and for whose benefit ?. You might be thinking that you are being a good DIL by not back answering your MIL even when she is so rude and insulting without provocation, but you are doing yourself and your children a disservice. Do you want your children to grow up seeing you so helpless and stressed always ?.. if no, then please stand up to protect yourself and your dignity the next time this happens. Yes, I agree, one ought to respect elders but elders must first command it. Just because someone crosses the age of 50 or becomes a MIL doesn't and shouldn't guarantee respect.
Be strong,
me