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Parents calling inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by cheerfulalways, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. cheerfulalways

    cheerfulalways New IL'ite

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    hello, I am married for over 4 years with a baby.My Parents and Inlaws live in different cities.my parents call inlaws regularly on all important occassions like festivals, newyear,aniversaries,birthdaysand when inlaws not well.I share ok relationship with mil the reason is till today i have not replied her back . she has behaved very badly with me for all these years.I do not reply her back,try to ignore.Now last week mil decided to celebrate my baby's first bday for that she invited nearly 50 people but none from my family.she told me that she is angry with my parents as my parents did not attend fil's retirement function.My parents were unable to come that time as my paternal grand father was admitted in hospital , my dad being the only child was taking care of him.my dad called fil to congratulate and also said sorry for not being ale to come. my parents told me that i should not come to visit my grandfather (I wanted to meet him badly)due to fil's function.Mil says that my mom should have called her to say sorry not my dad and my parents have shown disrespect so she did not invited them for baby's first bday. We paid for all the expenses, she told me that if my relatives will asl abt my parents not present,i will say that ur grand father has expired.hearing this i was in tears , i hate her for saying this.my grand father is better now but i dont want my parents to call her this new year to wish her, but my parents are saying that they will call her .I dont want them to call her after what she said abt my grand father. what should i do
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Do your parents know what they said about your grand father? Well, if in spite of knowing everything, if they still want to talk to your in-laws, there is nothing you can do about it. Can understand how bad you feel about it.
     
  3. cheerfulalways

    cheerfulalways New IL'ite

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    no, I did not tell this to my parents ,i know they will be be very hurt and i am very attached to my grandfather., so not able to forget this statement of her's.should my parents call her this new year,i know she will create big scene if they dont wish early morning.she passes sarcastic comments to my mom for calling late (last diwali my parents wished them in evening)
     
  4. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    hi

    I think let your parents call your inlaws - because if they dont your parents will be insulted more which you certainly dont want. Most inlaws feel that the girls parents have to always bow down and accomodate to them - and even when the reason is genuine, they feel that they have been insulted and deliberately ignored. So, atleast to maintain peace let your parents call... but when the time is right, you can tell your mother not to call or even if she calls, let her just be polite and short., and not encourage any other talks other than the wish.

    my inlaws didnt send a formal invitation to my parents / grandparents for my daughters 1st birthday but she sent to the rest of the world.... when i asked her, i was told that there was no need for invitation because they would come anyway. My grandparents being the oldest in the family did expect the courtesy of a formal invitation and i was sandwiched inbetween ...this and few other insults to my parents made me want my parents to cut ties with my inlaws totally and my parents disagreed. They said it will later reflect on me...so they continued to call and wish for every occassion. After couple of years, they slowly stopped....and neither did i care about my mils taunts...and now my mil stopped taunting and now has a courteous relations with my parents.
     
  5. cheerfulalways

    cheerfulalways New IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies for ur replies,my mom and sisters was shopping like crazy for my baby.they were very excited to celebrate my dd's bday,Dh told me not tell them about this celebration else they will feel bad and hurt.
    mu mil is really happy and was telling me indirectly that all those who have shown disrespect to her by not attending fil's function will feel insulted.mil thinks that my parents know abt this celebration and she is happy.
     
  6. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't people believe in karma anymore.
    Along with saas bahu tv serials I thought these bi....hy mil's watched the religious swamiji's shows.
    All I can tell is ignore mil big time and act as if you are not affected and show you are having a good time.
    Try to stay with your h or other people though out the party. Don't hang around with mil.
    When she lies about your grandfather and people come and ask you or give you condolence you correct them right than and their. Tell them the truth about your grandfather in presence of your h. Pretend like you did not know that mil was lying.
    I am glad your h understands you and watching all the drama his mom is creating. One day he will speak up.
    You need to have patience till than and tactfully give back to mil. Don't involve parents and turn the good people into your nasty mil.
     
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  7. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    your kid is your parent's grand child as well.i really don't understand how you could accept ur MIL's words just like that for not calling your parents?please tell your dh that you need your parents for the function at any cost and ask him to talk to your mil.be strong.
     
  8. inlovewithmylyf

    inlovewithmylyf Platinum IL'ite

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    Ur MIL deserves a big punishment for doing all these kinda evil things... I think she is not aware that God is watching all her atrocities... Tell her on her face boldly that she cannot say to anyone that ur grandpa is dead when he is alive... What does this lady think of herself??? If ur husband does not talk, u talk... Time for u to open ur mouth and give her as much as she wants... And ur parents need not not call her... Why should ur parents lose their self repect to such a bad woman... If ur parents are worried about ur future and wanna call her, tell them that u will handle her well and they need not go out of their way to please this lady... All those who insult her will feel insulted??? Tell her that when the guests come home, she is the one who is gonna get insulted badly when ur gonna say that ur grandpa is alive and healthy... Cant ur husband say that ur child is ur parents grand child too and they will have to be with her for the party... Instead he is telling u to not let ur parents know about this... If ur parents and sister come to know of this one day, just think how much its going to hurt them...
     
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  9. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Do you live in your mother in law? Who is spending the money on the function??? Just ignore your MIL> Some women want to show their power this way. If they are nice to their dil, the women in our society don't give her respect. It is stupid and arrogant behavior. I am so sad for these women. I am also a senior, but not MIL yet. Let your parents come. They have the same right like your in laws. Be honest with your parents. I am positive that your MIL will act better if they attend the function. After the function, have a direct talk with your MIL and husband. Be direct. You are just starting your life and you want to have happiness. It is going to be a heated discussion, but be firm and clear the misunderstanding. I am sure that all the misunderstanding wouldn't go, but you can feel better.
    Enjoy the party. All the best!!!
     
  10. Mrudhani

    Mrudhani Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I doubt if your mil is a woman. How can one be so brutal and inhuman??
    Who is she to punish your parents (jus becos they have begot a girl..is it??)...does she think she is the god of this world??

    I think your parents should definitely refrain from her to save the left over self respect they have atleast!!
    There is no need to wish this lady for new year for her crooked behaviour...Make them aware of her originality , so that they will also behave with a tact....

    Moreover, how can she deprive them of attending their grand kid's b'day...Its their grand child as well right??
    I think you should educate her (politely or however ..that is your choice) about what she has done.

    I am curious to know whats your husband's take in this??
     

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