Pandigai Naal...festival Day...normal Day

peartree · Sep 15, 2018

Srama said: ↑

Dear @peartree

Beautiful write up and like @kkrish wishes I do also hope that Ganesha removes obstacles for our future generations and like @Laks09 mentions, your post sums up the sentiments of most of us away from home during the festival days. Having kids a little older than yours, I also feel that just I feel they have come to appreciate the importance of these festivals to me, it is time for them to fly away from the nest. I hope they will continue at least pausing for a moment on these special days thinking of how important it was to their mom Oh well, like you have so beautifully written all we can do is continue to do what we know best, take delight in little moments like the one your daughter you gave you and live cheerfully. Despite all that we go through, i know we are doing the right thing and when I meet a local parent at school, wishes for the festival and hopes that a national holiday to celebrate at least one of our festivals may not be far off, it makes my days and makes me extremely hopeful.

Happy Ganesh Chathurthi!
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Thank you so much @Srama Simple gestures from the kids that somehow reflect the values we have given them indeed make it all worthwhile and hopeful!!

peartree · Sep 15, 2018

troubledmom said: ↑

Very nice writeup.

Though I have been celebrating this and our other festivals for many years I could never understand the ‘what’s the big deal’ attitude of spouse and kids which I tried to overcome by frantically trying to recreate ever more elaborate preparations each year.

But when I read your writeup it clicked in my head - for me it was a festival day, for them it was a normal day. For this insight alone which you mention in passing you get a big thumbs up!
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Aah, this It only clicked in my head when I read your comment!! I think at one point, I should stop making it about a desparate way to make the kids acknowledge it and only focus on the pleasure and peace I get for myself. I think that is the mature way to go about this. Thank you for the perspective

peartree · Sep 15, 2018

Thank you everyone for all your kind words of appreciation to this post. I had to collect my thoughts to come back with a response. I really appreciate each and everyone of you for your comments and likes and I am happy that this snippet of my life resonated with you all on some level. It is comforting to know that I am not alone.

Navigating through this journey of parenting is hard, harder than I thought it would be. There is this constant struggle I face as a mother in figuring out if I am curbing their ability to grow as individuals with choices and likes and dislikes of their own, when I place certain expectations and hopes on them, or if I am doing the right thing by imparting the values and traditions I grew up with, things that I found great pleasure in being part of. It is very hard to find that happy medium!! It is even more annoying when the husband acts and seems like he has it all figured out. Raising the children in an environment that I am so unfamiliar with myself often scares me and I desparately seek out the comfort of familiarity, trying to recreate situations and environments that I grew up in, that I found so much peace with!

As I watch my daughters grow up and develop their own personalities, I often feel like I am in an Out-of-Body experience. It seems surreal, like I am watching a movie unfold or something. When she seems comfortable in a language, accent that is so completely different than ours. When she learns things in school that I did not know of at her age. When she interacts with her peers and sounds so different than when she sounds with us. When she knows terms and words that we don't know or understand. My biggest fear is I will be unable to relate to them and their experiences as they grow older.

But as many of you have mentioned, it is also these same children who give me hope. Hope in little things during the course of everyday life. Like when she chooses "rasam mammu" over Pasta for choice of dinner. Like when she would refuse candy from someone because it may contain gelatin and she has been told we do not eat gelatin. Like when she would casually hum a thillana I would have played for them sometime. Like when she would be careful about not walking near the umaachi shelf when she has shoes on. Like when she will suddenly ask me for the ragam of a song. Little things like this.

Recently, on a trip to the Indain store, she was talking to someone and when the person enquired where we were from, she promptly replied Chennai and when they asked further where in Chennai - "Mylapore" - pat came the reply, without skipping a beat, without looking at me for assistance. She got an icecream treat from me that evening :-D

iyerviji · Sep 15, 2018

Very true dear. Parenting is not an easy job. The mother has to play abig part in bringing them .When I read others post here I feel whether I have done properly as a mother. In IL there are so many successful mother's. For a mother her children are always kids even after they grow up. Some feel that after they grow up we should not advise them. But I feel sometime or other they will remember our words and act accordingly.

Thyagarajan · Sep 15, 2018

peartree said: ↑

Thank you everyone for all your kind words of appreciation to this post. I had to collect my thoughts to come back with a response. I really appreciate each and everyone of you for your comments and likes and I am happy that this snippet of my life resonated with you all on some level. It is comforting to know that I am not alone.

Navigating through this journey of parenting is hard, harder than I thought it would be. There is this constant struggle I face as a mother in figuring out if I am curbing their ability to grow as individuals with choices and likes and dislikes of their own, when I place certain expectations and hopes on them, or if I am doing the right thing by imparting the values and traditions I grew up with, things that I found great pleasure in being part of. It is very hard to find that happy medium!! It is even more annoying when the husband acts and seems like he has it all figured out. Raising the children in an environment that I am so unfamiliar with myself often scares me and I desparately seek out the comfort of familiarity, trying to recreate situations and environments that I grew up in, that I found so much peace with!

As I watch my daughters grow up and develop their own personalities, I often feel like I am in an Out-of-Body experience. It seems surreal, like I am watching a movie unfold or something. When she seems comfortable in a language, accent that is so completely different than ours. When she learns things in school that I did not know of at her age. When she interacts with her peers and sounds so different than when she sounds with us. When she knows terms and words that we don't know or understand. My biggest fear is I will be unable to relate to them and their experiences as they grow older.

But as many of you have mentioned, it is also these same children who give me hope. Hope in little things during the course of everyday life. Like when she chooses "rasam mammu" over Pasta for choice of dinner. Like when she would refuse candy from someone because it may contain gelatin and she has been told we do not eat gelatin. Like when she would casually hum a thillana I would have played for them sometime. Like when she would be careful about not walking near the umaachi shelf when she has shoes on. Like when she will suddenly ask me for the ragam of a song. Little things like this.

Recently, on a trip to the Indain store, she was talking to someone and when the person enquired where we were from, she promptly replied Chennai and when they asked further where in Chennai - "Mylapore" - pat came the reply, without skipping a beat, without looking at me for assistance. She got an icecream treat from me that evening :-D
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I enjoyed reading the narration reminding the NRIs their past period of celebration in India especially in Chennai and in other parts of India. A dejavu indeed.
2. Young couple with kids of 3 or 4 year old celebrating the VINAYAK chathurthi a la Tamil nadu
With mention of buying vinayakar idol made of clay and gathering other pooja materials and preparation of kozhakattai etc., evidences how you enjoyed the day amidst your routine chores!
3. Wish your kid and family all the best you had always wished for.
Regards.

troubledmom · Sep 16, 2018

@peartree,

If you really want your kids to ‘get it’ take them to India during one of the big festivals. Nothing like celebrating Diwali along with half a billion people. Without any additional effort on your part they will understand what all the fuss is about. Luckily your kids are still little do it when the older one is 10 so both are old enough to remember and enjoy. It is really worth it.

periamma · Sep 16, 2018

@peartree Well written about festivals. Your words show how you follow our culture and traditions. You who are all far away from India celebrate our festivals with full devotion. Don't worry ma .our roots are very strong and sure future generation will follow our traditions

shravs3 · Sep 16, 2018

periamma said: ↑

Don't worry ma .our roots are very strong and sure future generation will follow our traditions
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Very true . My dad used to see if it’s a good day to purchase anything big/ valuable . I used to wonder why is he being like that.
After coming to US , for buying a car I asked my dad which day is good for car delivery

Rihana · Sep 17, 2018

PT, good one. Beautiful. Both the straight from the heart content and the captivating presentation. "... still dark outside..." and ending with "...glance outside and there is daylight." Felt nice to read it on Thursday and was thinking of it over the weekend but waited for contiguous time to post response.

By coincidence, was sitting away from usual spot with laptop, so read the snippet in a place I rarely use computer. After reading I glanced at the shelves nearby and the Ganesha statue gazed back serenely at me. The lone "God" in the house. Never found the heart to put it anywhere else. It had been placed there by someone special visiting from India. Mind went back over the many years it has been there. Had a slightly irreverent conversation with it in the mind about obstacles and the slayer-of-obstacles job description. : ) At dinner, I visited the topic of faith and belief once again with DH. Said, "Not really practicing festivals means no special dishes get cooked ... kids miss it?" All while enjoying the prasaad neighbor dropped off. He said, "Well maybe, but you can pick a day, and make special food ... and kids will know the feeling of special day cooking." Aiyo beeeg mistake.. he realized it even before he completed his sentence. : )I inquired, "Does that mean I do no special food cooking ever?" : ) : )

We ended up all of us talking about the Ganesha Amar Chitra katha, and the Bal Ganesh DVD that enthralled my DD and sometimes brought tears at one kahani-mein-twist moment. Used to be a funny feeling to see her move from Dora the Explorer to Bal Ganesh seamlessly.

Heart-warming narration. Brought back many memories (of a different kind) for me too, and parts of the post kept playing in the mind long after reading it.

Amica · Sep 18, 2018

@peartree What a delightful and relatable snippet! I was nodding along at every line.

Your 8 yo DD returning didn't make me cry. Nope. But people need to stop chopping onions around me.

I don't worry too much about our traditions being forgotten. They've survived for millennia; they'll survive our migration.

Our parents' generation modified our rituals to accommodate their move from rural to urban environments. We've modified them a touch to accommodate our NRI lifestyle. The next generation will modify them, too. But they will always follow them because this is what gives us our sense of identity and belonging.

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