Oye Balle Balle!

quickies _ Honestly no offence meant!!!!

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SARDARJI BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner. Q: Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
A: Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.
Q: Did you hear about the Sardar skydiver?
A: He missed the Earth!
Q: Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs?
A: He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
Q: A sardarji going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the
middle row.
Q: Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
A: "Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up
Q: What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
A: He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SARDARJI THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the sardarji doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the sardarji stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do sardarjis work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
Q: Why can't Sardar dial 911?
A: They can not find the eleven on the phone.
Q: How do you confuse a sardarji?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you keep a sardarji in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a sardarji busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q: Why can't sardarjis make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How did the sardarji try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? -
A: because below 18 was not allowed !!!
Q: What's the difference between a sardarji and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why do men like sardarji jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
A: Jus-one Singh.
Q: What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
A: Jus-beer Singh.
Q: What do you call 10 sardarjis standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call a sardarji in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a sardarji with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a sardarji in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: Why did the sardarji take his typewriter to the doctor ??
A: He thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
sardarji: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
sardarji: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
Two sardarjis observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
sardarji#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
sardarji#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and
try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
A sardarji was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, he said to himself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.

 

Smart Sardarji:- for once

A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "your turn".

He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.

The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep

 

Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" (Idiot! He's taking the phone and saying he's not there.)

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. Oye, I am only following the instructions 'Answer in brief'.


A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

 

Sardar comes back to his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine". To this sardar writes a note and sticks it to the pole.... "Thanks for the compliments".

 

A letter from a Sardar's mother to her son....

My dear Lotta,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from home, so we moved 25 miles away and are safe now.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with him for his new house so he would not have to change his address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a
little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Beppo Singh fell in! the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Genda Singh, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.<SCRIPT><!--D(["mb","
* * * * * * *
There isn\'t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
* * * * * * *
Love Mom.
* * * * * * *
P.S : Lotta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already posted off this letter.\n

\n\n",0]);D(["ce"]);//--></SCRIPT>

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom.

P.S : Lotta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already posted off this letter. </SPAN></P>

 

Sardar and the race

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes.

First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a
parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu
removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he
also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and
pant and jumped out.

Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to
fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said

- " May Bhagwan help you".

Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming
past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see
who is faster"

Saying so, he let go of his turban.

 

Sardar and the barber

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy

so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees

to wake him up when the station arrived.

This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees ,

the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell

asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.

When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he

went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and

suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.

Said his wife " What's the matter?"

Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and

woken up someone else"

 

Punjab Police

Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the
Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The
judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission. He
who captures an adult LIon and brings it back alive in the fastest time
will be adjudged the best .

First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an
hour with a Lion all tied up .

Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied
up lion .

Lastly the sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour,one hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis .The judges give up and decide to search for them . They go into the forest . After some searching , they find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree. The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You @#$%@!You are a lion)

 

some more

Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.


Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my
house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....


Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ...