Oye Balle Balle!

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by prathi, Feb 7, 2006.

  1. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Sardarji jokes - LOL!!!! NO OFFENCE MEANT!!!

    Santa in ICU

    A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

    Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

    The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

    This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

    Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

    Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

    Replied the other, "Santa."

    A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

    Santa responded, "Sagittarius."
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2006
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  2. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Umbalo-Gong

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>[​IMG]Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.


    "Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.

    "Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

    He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

    The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"

    He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

    The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"

    "You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

    "That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger':shock:
     
  3. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Santa's Curtains

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>[​IMG]Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

    He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

    The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

    Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

    The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

    Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

    "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

    Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

    The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

    Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!":confused:
     
  4. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Santa`s Dream

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>[​IMG]Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.

    Doctor: What was your dream about?

    Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!

    Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?

    Santa: I was running in a hall way.

    Doctor: Then what happened?

    Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

    Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

    Santa: Yes it did.

    Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

    Santa: It said "Pull"
     
  5. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Thai Restaurant

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>[​IMG]Santa and Banta, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant.

    While looking at the menu, Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.

    "What would you like Santa?" he asked.

    "I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish," Santa replied.

    "Santa, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish," Banta said.

    "What do you know," answered Santa, "I'm getting it."

    "Santa, I'm telling you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!" Banta exclaimed.

    "I’m getting it and that is the last word!" says Santa.

    A short while later the meals arrive at the table.

    Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta, “Where are my eggs?”:oops:
     
  6. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Bus No.54

    Banta was visiting Delhi for the first time. He wanted to see the Palika Bazaar. Unfortunately, he couldn`t find it, so he asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Palika Bazaar?"
    The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It`ll take you right there."
    Banta thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, Banta is still waiting at the same bus stop.
    The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Palika Bazaar, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
    Banta replied, "Don`t worry, officer, it won`t be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
     
  7. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Bugged...

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top">

    <TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>Once Santa was on a travelling by train. As fate should have, he was in the last compartment.
    Now the problem was, whenever the train stopped at a station his compartment would never be on the platform.
    So the poor guy always had to jump out at stations to fetch water and eatables. By the time he reached his destination, Santa was really pepped up and ran straight to the station master`s office to lodge a complaint. This is what he wrote.
    "Please see to it that there is no last compartment in any train. If you still insist on having a last compartment, please put it somewhere in the middle".
     
  8. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Who is online?

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>Santa calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help ! My wife`s going into labor!"
    The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child ?"
    He says, "No! This is her husband!"
     
  9. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Puzzled!

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>Once Santa and Banta were celebrating in a bar. A man walks into the bar and asks what the fuss is all about.
    Santa says: "We have just put together a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle in under six hours."
    The man says: "So what’s the big deal.
    The Banta. "On the box it says from 3 to 5 years."
     
  10. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Jump to conclusion!

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>Santa and his friend are watching a film in a theatre. Just before the interval they see a man standing on the rooftop looking down.
    During the break the friend says to Santa: I bet the man will jump and break his bones.
    Santa says: No, I am sure he would not
    So they decide that whoever looses treats the other to a drink after the film. Santa loses.
    When they are having the drink, the friend says: I must confess that the bet was not fair. I was seeing the film for the second time so I knew what was going to happen.
    Santa replies: Same here, but I was sure the fool would not jump again.
     

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