Overbearing MIL before marriage? What should I do?

Saumyamom · Dec 22, 2011

Looks like the lady had OCD or something like that and that too coupled with a psycho,no-brain-of-his-own son..What a combination!Good riddance....Please fend him off in case he changes his mind in the future of which i see a very strong chance.These signals are good enough

SriVidya75 · Dec 22, 2011

swan02 said: ↑

He basically said "Well this changes everything. I don't think we should go through with the marriage. You are a good person, but nobody is happy with this marriage." I mentioned to him "I wish you nothing but the best" and hung up. He called my father right away and said "we've called it off, I'm sorry."

That was the end of it. The very next morning, his mom sent an email "Things are off, please don't send the jewellery back my mail, we will pick it up in person."
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Cry as much as you want to.........but you are still a single sweet girl....and your true love will eventually find you...however if you had married this guy....god only could have saved you from divorce....

this guy is utterly nonsensical and to top it he is totally putting the entire blame on you....(even for he not being able to feel connected to you....) and by the way why will he even feel connected to you...when he is sooooooooo much into wondering what his mom wants and thinks etc.....he is better off marrying his mom maaa!!!! really...laugh it off and be happy that your past karma or blessings have saved you from such a nasty family.....you are one lucky lady....beleive me...after couple of years you will turn back and thank your parents and god for what happened.

Sandybeach · Dec 24, 2011

Dear Swan,
Thank God you got off this risky ride before it reached a point of no return. The Mom seems like a limelight hog who wants to run the show and star in it. Only insecure people feel the need to show others down to feel good about themselves and the Mom clearly belongs to this category. What they did to you was pretty heartless, they now have plenty of air to pump up their ego at your cost. They probably realized that you are not the kind who massages their ego and dropped you. They are probably on a lookout for another person they can step over to seem taller. The whole my religion is holier than thou attitude is funny. but what you are feeling right now is not unusual. Any relationship into which you give some of yourself does hurt if it ends. You thought of him as a partner whod be with you for a long time to come, and now the truth is that he wont. It is definitely hard.... You will get over it (and him) for sure, but this is a difficult phase (which of course shall pass). I would say dont think about it, move on but I know that is easier said than done. So instead I say look forward to the day when you will look back and reminisce how God helps us out of sticky situations in various ways-some of which are painful but who knows you may realize later that all this happened for a reason (and also discover the reason,if you are lucky).
Wish you luck!

ars · Dec 24, 2011

What the ...... You were engaged to the son and you gave the diamond ring to mom too.
Omg I am glad you dumped the psycho family.

iyermaragatham · Dec 24, 2011

My advice to you is call off the wedding. my daughter is a physician and something like this happened after she was engaged. His parents were very controlling and he didn't have the backbone and my daughter called off the wedding. I can't believe in this day and age there are people like this.

aaral · Dec 24, 2011

Please dont feel bad, everything happens for a reason. You will find a better man than this. because of his and his mom's attitude life would have been very difficult for you. Better few days of misery than lifelong sorrow.All the best.God bless you.

swan02 · Dec 25, 2011

Thanks all for your advice

swan02 · Dec 25, 2011

iyerponnu said: ↑

Swan,

I was pitied, branded arrogant and stupid.. people who seemingly supported the break-up decided that I would not get a good groom and were suggesting really unsuitable grooms. I felt that my world was crumbling around me. There were times when I used to sit up crying thinking about all that happened. In the brief period I was engaged to him, I had begun to dread long distance phone calls (the ringing used to be quite distinct), lost all confidence in myself.. It took me almost 6 months to go out without being asked what was happening with my wedding..

Thank you for sharing your experience Mythili. I am infact going through the same thing. Perhaps moreso than I had expected. I remember when we were having all the doubts, at one stage I told my parents "We are blessed, we live in the US and nobody cares about these things." Fact of the matter, is people do. I had some of my female colleagues calling me out of the blue. I showed surprise that she called after a year and her response was "Oh you know...I didn't call earlier because of your broken engagement...you will be depressed and all." Silly and heartless since the wedding was just called off a week ago, and she called after a year.

Some of my friends who were involved with planning my shower and putting in effort for the wedding were mad at me. That I called off the wedding without discussing with them. What am I suppose to tell them? I didn't call it off...I just didn't put up with what seem like pure dominance and disrespect and they called it off?

It is a difficult period indeed. But when I look into the future I feel even more scared. I am back on shaadi.com, and I see the same people I saw on there 2 years ago when I was looking. And the same ignorant attitudes and lying - especially about marital status, age. Guys who are 40 are writing their ages at 35. Previously married people, denying people married.

To the above posts, I would love to meet somebody well known to me through friends or famiy. But fact is, there simply aren't that many eligible Indian men in our circle when we stay in the US. Hence we resort to shaadi.com, and other seemingly less personal sites. I have nothing against these sites, but after this last experience, I wonder whats in store for me...
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Sandybeach · Dec 25, 2011

Our society is pretty brutal to someone who is already low. I wish i could email you a story of someone I know which is similar to what has happened to you, it's quite touching. All I can say is, hang in there my friend because it is not as bad as it seems right now! Have you thought about dating someone who is not an Indian? I dont see how Indian men are any better or worse than anyone else out there. This will really open up your options, unless you have some specific reasons why you want to marry someone Indian... Maybe your parents can step in to help you here? You know, their friends...and their friends...word of mouth....and the rest. You never know! I agree with you, meeting someone online is probably successful in some/many cases, but it is quite scary to not know what lies beneath! As you said you could perhaps talk to your friends about wanting to meet someone, but maybe after this whole thing cools off a little bit... That is because i think it will avoid curious inquiries which you definitely dont need right now. They could still have those questions for you at a later stage, but by then you might be in a better position to handle them. Take care and let your work keep you engrossed in it so you dont have a chance to revisit all the old stuff!

ivlakshmi · Dec 25, 2011

Hi Swan,
Be happy and greatful to god tht u came to know about their true colors before marriage itself.. It takes some time to get over and u will surely get over..
no need to worry about others comments..
Now a days men are marrying and leaving women after marriage... so u r lucky to find true colors..all the best ..hope u hav a best future.