Opinion - Thread - Does Counselling Work In High Conflict Marriage

The question is not about changing, but rather, do both partners want this marriage to work? If one wants to leave, there is little for the other person to do. Now, if they both want to make the marriage work, but one of them (but usually both of them) don't really want to change, counseling can give some perspective on the situation. If there is still no change, a temporary separation might be worth a chance (doesn't have to be legal).

I will not say my personal life is a success story, but counseling helped me regain the confidence I lost while being helplessly dependent to my emotionally abusive husband. Counseling did not help him change, but it did help me become strong enough emotionally to deal with him. Eventually, directly or indirectly, my husband has changed - the fear of me permanently leaving him has made him work hard to fix the marriage. We were somewhat informally separated for a month or two, which may have played a role.

 

If one doesn't want to change, naturally the change is applicable to other person. It is kind of one sided adjustments, and is happening in many families. If the other doesn't want to change either, it ends up in separation. So the adjustment load falls up on mostly women. By the time men realizes that he has wasted his married life, despite having a good wife, he is reaching 60. I feel men are sometimes not intellectual in saving their happiness with their wives. They think that their mother, sister, brother , father are all coming under first round of priorities. Under second round, all the others, including wife are there. Naturally the wife feels that she is getting ditched and snubbed by her H. Sometimes men are forced to do like that by their parents. Otherwise, they curse and don't let their son live peacefully all through his married life. After their parent's life, H adjusts with wife to a greater extent. Now it's wife 's turn to play the role. She takes everything in her hand and rule (her mind senses freedom and is free to live her life after her middle age). Transformation plays a major role in a woman's life. These words are quoted from many of my friends real life situations.

 

Oh. I think I have answered irrelevantly for ur Q. Sorry for that.

 

I feel that's accurate. I did have to take drastic measures, before seeing real change.