It is ideal to speak up and take action in time. But often the woman, even though living abroad and an equal contributor in the marriage, is still held to the traditions that were practiced decades ago. They forego living as a joint-family but 6 month long visits remain the norm for years. And eventually after the in-laws retire, their GC is sponsored, and they come to live with the son in the U.S. The woman has little or no say in this matter throughout. Short of walking out of the marriage, there is nothing much she can do. In such cases, the women evaluate their options, and often they feel that the marriage is worth putting up with till the kids are out of the house. In fact, the idea of a future divorce which will cause less disruption to the kids makes the current more bearable, and hence the woman decides to bide her time. Once a marriage is dead for one or both the people, and at least one of them wants divorce badly enough to initiate it and see it through, it is each for himself/herself. They can be civil to each other, but each has to put his/her own interests first before and during the divorce. Finances, standard of living, and retirement plans take a big hit. Unfortunately, giving too much notice can backfire. We often read in IL: he is a great father though a bad husband. So, divorcing when the father-role becomes less important might actually be a kindness in disguise rather than speaking up years earlier when the children are still young.