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Opinion On Reason For Divorce (someone My Mom Told Me About)

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ATI, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    What is so wrong with a woman being “selfish”? I think if women were a little selfish right from the get go, put themselves ahead of others, took their own desires and wants seriously and pursued it, there won’t be so much built up resentment over the years.

    Maybe this lady was selfish enough to get a divorce, take the man to the cleaners and live happily. If she had been selfish from the get go, she could have salvaged a few more years.

    Being blind sighted in a divorce isn’t fun for anyone. Especially a spouse of over two decades. I don’t think living with parents and getting more resentful is the answer. This guy should live life king size, just like the queen seems to be doing. The best revenge after-all is to let go and live your best life. There are no young kids to worry about. He could do so much with the newfound freedom instead of moving in with parents.
     
  2. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Self-sacrificing behavior in long married women is often the *hobson's choice for them. After years of getting knocked about in a low bargaining position within a marriage, they had given up; perhaps that is the reason why stories of women like Mrs.M, albeit the lack of details & backstories, make people in IL go "good for her!".

    *hobson's choice:
    1. a choice of taking what is available or nothing at all.
    origin: mid 17th century: named after Thomas Hobson (1554–1631), a Cambridge carrier who hired out horses, giving the customer the ‘choice’ of the one nearest the door or none at all.
     
    hermitcrab and yellowmango like this.
  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. It's not even selfishness. Its pursuit of Happiness which is the basic right of every human being
     
    hermitcrab, Rihana and yellowmango like this.
  4. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    You ask what’s wrong with being selfish and 10 people “like” it. It is one of the causes for erosion of a relationship if it is not kept under a limit. Assertive of preferences and discussion about those can be healthy. Maybe that’s the word you were looking for. “selfish” especially if not kept within boundary, indeed quite capable of eroding a relationship.
    Maybe if the genders were reversed ans the guy “suddenly announced and ditched” the woman, you wont see as many likes here.
    Either ways, good to see you @Laks09 been a long, long while since a mini or micro-duel in Rel forum posts :blush:
    Hope you are doing good!
     
  5. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It’s because “I” asked. From my posting history they know there is a question there, not a blanket statement.

    This thing called boundary and it’s bounds, individuals get to decide that. Which is precisely why a preference for me is a selfish reason for someone else.
    If you re-read my post, what I’ve asked is why women cannot put themselves ahead of others. In other words, why can’t they ascertain what they are and not comfortable with(bounds).
    A woman could completely be ok with being selfless or doing certain things only after ensuring the family is taken care of. More power to her.
    A woman could also decide that she belongs in the house. That’s perfectly ok. “I” support that too.
    But if at any point in time, she decides that she not only belongs in the house but also in the senate and maybe even in the White House, she definitely gets my vote.
    What I am saying and what people are liking is that women and men can make choices, change their mind, draw and redraw their own boundaries a million times over and that’s ok. It’s the individual’s boundary to draw.

    No more dueling. I’m busy IRL. No time to post. I trust you won’t quote me and compel me to respond again. I need some shut eye. I’m selfish :)
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    True. Look how it eroded the relationship here.
    He never thought of her or her wishes or her mother or her need to take care of her mother too.

    It was always him and his parents and his needs and their need and their expectations and right as a guys parents.
    If only he had been less selfish ....
     
  7. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    And thats where I said we don't know the full story. It could very well be he was selfish or she was or both. We here dont have the information on it except one side.
     
  8. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Ofcourse people can make the choices, but there is a difference between assertiveness and jingoism (not the exact word, but perhaps ya get the gist). The latter does not build a family or relationship. Give and take does.
    And like I wrote before - we are jumping to conclusions on "You go rock Mrs. blah" (M,L,O, something) without knowing the full story, but I guess OP provided something to imagine, connect some dots... and cheer, Wogay! Screw you Mr. M/L/O :)

    Same reason why I haven't been able to post as in past years. No don't count on me to "not quote" :)
    Cheers , go snooze zzzzzz now :)
     
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Even without the background knowledge,you chose to only speculate about the possibilty of the woman being cruel .....not the husband.
    There is a pattern there....
     
  10. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Wrong. Read the first sentence in my post where I said she could be right!
    My main point is we are delivering verdict based on partial info. So, let's not twist this into I am saying he was in the right.
     

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