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Only so much and no more!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Srama, Feb 5, 2012.

  1. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    [JUSTIFY]
    Have you ever been in a situation where you are expected to "doing/being only so much and not much more"? Looks like I am a magnet for such kind of situations and there never seems to be anything that I can do right (what I do doesn't seem normal even in normal situations, so forget about the one I started off here with!) - I mean, just enough so that it is right for all the parties included, including myself! Yes, yes I was in a situation AGAIN last week and one would have thought I should have learnt lessons for I have been THERE so often in the past. No sir! I have not! What can I do? How can I learn these life lessons when the only time I get into these kinds of situations is with the ones I deeply care for and cannot do any other way than doing my best? While I know that, do they know that? If they know, are they willing to see that I cared and had to step on some toes? Well it is not easy I guess and I at least know it takes time!

    Anyways, what is interesting is, a favorite Children's book of mine "A fish out of water" kept popping up in front of me begging me to read it and my DD kept bringing it every night to read it to her as well and read I did and even spoke about how much I love this book! And I have done this reading and re-reading of this very same book for the past 9 yrs, yes really! But, I did not hear the message till the incident happened last week and like always everything fell in place after the whole week’s confusion and I got the message! Finally! Hopefully!

    Anyways the story goes like this -

    A boy goes to buy a fish and is told "when you feed a fish, never feed him a lot. Only so much and no more! Never more than a spot or something may happen! You never know what!" The boy is happy feeds the fish but feels the fish looks so hungry still, so he feeds a little more and soon the fish begins to grow bigger and bigger and bigger that the boy first transfers him to a flower pot, then to a big bowl , to the bath tub (because it can hold his father!) to finally calling the police to help him. They decide to transfer the fish to local pool but the fish keeps on growing! The boy then remembers that Mr. Carp had said to feed only so much and not much more and calls him finally for help. Mr. Carp comes with all his tools dives into the pool and eventually comes out with that fish in the small bowl and says don't ask me how I did it but here is your fish - from now on, remember what I said!

    Here is a link to the book http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Fish_Out_of_Water_(book), but I have to say, it is best enjoyed in print!

    Here's what happened to me and what I learnt from it! Last week, I was like that boy looking at a beautiful fish with wonder and only eager to help but just like that boy I failed to remember "only so much and not much more, or something may happen you never know what". Somehow, I was suddenly dealing with that fish of a problem which had grown in to monstrous proportions in no time - as seen by others. The fish was not the problem, the food that was fed was not the problem, the boy was not the problem for he read what he thought was right on the fish's face and acted but there was a problem - of that BIG fish! And to make matters worse, there was no Mr. Carp to help me. Oh Boy! 'Only so much and not much more' is such a difficult phrase when it comes to relationships! Ask me about it!

    So trying to be like the grown up that I am, I braced myself and faced it all fairly and squarely. Yes that flutter in my heart was always there, my ego was bruised, beaten and crushed, I wanted to cry foul and say I was only trying to help (for I knew that fish was hungry), how can I be limited by 'only so much and no more' - but I knew the situation nor the people in the situation were even that worried about what I did, to pay any attention to me. They were only worried about where they were when all this was happening and why they had not paid attention! It is a different matter no one noticed that at least I had paid attention! Only fair, only fair!

    As always, to sort out my own emotions, I sought help from the universe and it did come albeit as a fortune cookie after a good Chinese dinner with the very same group of people - "No snow flake in an avalanche ever feels responsible". It made my day! I was of course like that snow flake, still beautiful just falling down not knowing that it was with the storm about to cause that avalanche. How can I feel responsible? It was an avalanche waiting to happen and I was just that snow flake that happened to be there and just became part of the problem - as seen by the others! By itself, just a lovely snow flake!

    I showed the fortune cookie to everyone around the table with relief and joy in my voice but I can assure you, no one paid attention to this little snow flake for the avalanche has happened and the consequences are to be dealt with, by all affected. Who can look at a snow flake and appreciate it however beautiful it is! But I had to learn not to feel so responsible, to again go back and look at the whole thing and all the people involved as an empty glass and to start fresh, again - for after all, there is some meaning to all these relationships and a reason for all of them for being there in my life.

    “Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” ― Richard Bach I couldn't agree more with you Mr. Bach! Oh the lessons I learnt, the perspective I gained is undeniable! And I have chosen like that boy to feed only so much and no more. Never more than a spot or something may happen. AND NOW I KNOW WHAT!!
    [/JUSTIFY]
     
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  2. knbg

    knbg Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Sabitha......
    I could relate to your plight completely....as I was in a similar boat...,some years ago......and learned the lesson.....

    Your "Fish" story and Richard Bach's quote along with your subtle naration of your situation re-inforced the lesson I had learned years ago......

    A 'Refresher' indeed, your post is to me......or a 'Fortune cookie'.......!!!

    Enjoyed and assimilated your post dear......!
     
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  3. Uttaraa

    Uttaraa Platinum IL'ite

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    Srama,

    The more I read your posts I feel you should also publish an appendage similar to 'Guide to Shakespearean Literature' ;-).

    The reason being the depth of the subject dealt in your simple and meaningful posts. Basing the premise of your narration on children's tale, you have drawn parallels in your life beautifully. Now all of us have encountered the same situation and reprimanded oneself as the feather that broke the camel's back but you have reasoned it positively as a flake that was part of an avalanche! I am stupefied here with your greater sense of coherent thinking.

    The best simile I can use to describe your style of writing - 'Mona Lisa Smile'. Scratching my tiny brain really hard that is the best I can come up with. Your uber style of writing is abstract and can be interpreted at different times in different ways by different people. It is just like a free-flowing conduit filled with void and each person streams through it with emotions, feelings and experiences from one's life !

    Not a slight mention of your context but each of us can seamlessly blend it with incidents of our life and nod the head ..yes yes I have been there..I know what it means..

    I feel this kind of abstract writing is very difficult to maintain as a rhythm in your posts. But you have aced it over a period of time. And also the icing on the cake - the ending of most of your posts could just be the beginning of a lively conservation. You do give us a lot of homework aftermath, hence the guide! :queen
     
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  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Sabitha,

    I can completely empathize with your feelings. So often we go and try to do something good with the best of intentions only to have it blow up completely in our faces and then think "But what did I do"? It is really nice to be able to see ourselves in the right perspective as nothing more than a pawn in the grand scheme of events. Take of the "I" and life becomes much simpler. :)
     
  5. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    OMG!!! What a great a lesson and words...

    I Loved it srama and day by day i'm becoming your fan...I cant help it .. Your writings always had (though 'm very new to IL and read only few of your snippets) such an aspect which makes my mind to think about it for days together..

    And this "only so much and no more" .. I have been at the both ends continuosly in my life.. (Receiving so much when didnt asked for or required for .. and Giving much more when the others didnt needed/ cared) and i'm still learning the art of giving only so much that is intended in every relation and do fail manytimes in understanding / realising that optimum level...

    And I could completely relate to this as i often go through this.. but fortunatley there are some people whom i can open up and explain (no matter whether they understand and appreciate my stand or not .. atleast can listen to and sometimes provide their own gyan too..)

    And what a profound statement it is..

    It made me feel good...:) :)
     
  6. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you Bhargavi for such a sweet feedback!!
     
  7. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Dear Uttara,

    you will believe if I say I have read and re-read your response and it still brings a smile, very similar to the Mona Lisa smile you speak of! How can it not? You get me girl you do! you really do! That alone is enough and then I get this fabulous feed back from you!!
    and now you do know why there is no need to speak my particular situation. When I learn these lessons I do want them to be just like the way you have described, for me and others.
    Thank you Uttara....I often feel I wish I knew a way to write just a million thank yous and not say a word for your responses for often I am searching for them. You made my day! Thank you and nice to see you back!
     
  8. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you Satchi - you have summarised it so well! Thank you for your response!
     
  9. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you Pallavi4me for such a lovely feedback.
    Thank you for those lovely words. You have no idea how happy I feel knowing that some of my snippets make you think longer - I write them after going through the grill for so long my self ;-) Welcome to IL and snippets in particular and I know you will enjoy being here and it will be a pleasure to have you for you do have a way with your words!

    You are so right when you said 'only so much and no more" applies not only to giving but also to receiving. It happens all the time and it is so easy to get carried away!

    Thank you for your response!
     
  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    At the risk of repeating myself...I have to say ..u just amaze me each time with ur snippet.
    How very true...feed only so much and not any more. Isnt that the hardest lesson to learn in life?To know where and when to stop....when the urge to keep on going is ever so strong. I find it esp hard walking that delicate line as a mom.Thanks for reminding us my dear!
     

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