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One Bride for Two Grooms

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji Finest Post Winner

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    One Bride for Two Grooms


    The Wedding Season is here in full swing in Jaipur.5th Feb happened to be one day, where all the roads were choc a block , and I had invitations for 7 weddings, but chose two to attend.I don’t have sons, whom I could depute to attend, so decided on two, giving the others a skip.

    These two were of the lower rung. The first one I attended was around 26 kms away, of the son of an ex Tailor of mine, the grounds next to his house was the venue.He had two kids from his first wife, who died, and then he remarried, and had two kids from the second one.

    This wedding was of the son of the second wife, and all the villagers were around.Well I just went, didn’t eat anything, searching for the fellow to give the envelope. In fact I had run out of envelopes, and just near his house, purchased half a dozen. It had a 1 ruppee coin, and it was for 3/-, and I asked the fellow to show me better ones, the paper was of cheap quality, but the shopkeeper said, sir, here no one will buy expensive ones, sorry this is what we have.

    Well I asked him for a pen, put in 250/- and wrote my name on it, and he said , Sir so much u put, people here in this village don’t give more than 11/- or max I have seen 21/- well what do I tell him , what relation I have with the fellow.So give 21/- and the whole family of 10 go and have a feast eh ! Not a bad deal, and I saw the plates full with food spilling out, for they have given the envelope , and must have good value for it.A Wife of my friend is crazy about attending marriages, and in her kitchen calendar I saw X drawn on certain days, I asked her what is this, she said, these days the kitchen is closed, as we have marriages to attend.Some people just love it, I just hate going to marriages, its something I have to do, period, like going to the loo, u just cant help it, but get it done with.

    When I was giving the envelope I noticed a fellow sitting with the book open, and everyone was queuing in front of him so I too stood in line.The fellow was smart, opening each envelope, counting the money, asking the name, writing it down, and then again putting the money back in the envelope. This way there is no chance of an empty envelope coming in .Normally most weddings have empty ones about half a dozen or so, even in my daughter’s wedding we had one empty one, no name outside.God knows who gave it.

    Well if humans can marry, so can dogs .Bingo’s trainer too turned up on the 5thasking if we are ready to made Tuffy and /or Bingo, there is a black Labrador female, she is in heat, I said u choose the Groom, for me it is ok, but I informed him that Tuffy is a confirmed Gay, he said if not Tuffy, then Bingo will do, I said take yr pick. I told him, will there be an orgy in my lawns,for there is one bride, and two grooms, and they will fight over the female, he said we will let one fellow inside each, and whoever succeeds, the bride and the honeymoon is his.Well Well

    Well the first to go in the lawns of my house was Tuffy, and he just ran away from the lady, she was trying hard to come to him, but our Gay friend well just barked at her, so he was disqualified from the Swyamwar and Bingo was let in.Bingo seemed very interested, and he was sniffing her, but tuffy was watching all this, and was barking furiously, which made poor Bingo cringe, and we could see his tail between his legs, the poor lady wondering what is wrong with her, that none of the grooms like her.She must have felt like committing suicide.

    Maybe, Tuffy was angry, how dare Bingo go near a female, why, am I not enough for him, we both will be happy and gay all our lives.I guess Tuffy must have this song running in his mind from that Rishi Kapoor movie “Hum Do premi, Kutiya Chod Chale, Jeevan ki Saari Kuttiya Chod Chale”.

    Brother and bhabhi were desperately wanting to become granddads, but their dreams were shattered and Bhabhi was so sad. I can understand, that she must be feeling like KJ’s mom,.whose son refuses to get married.But that is life.


    Sometimes I wish there were more Gays around, so less marriages, so less envelopes, so less loss of money, and less of barats and Traffic nuisance. Agree Friends ?

    KAMAL MAHTANI

    Husband was crying in front of the TV.
    Wife – Why are u crying, which serial are u watching
    Husband – I am watching our marriage CD !

    Sardar Was traveling in train, a lady sat on his son’s berth and did not get up.Sardar starting shouting “ This lady is not giving Birth to my Son “ !!!
     
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  2. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Kamal
    In the early stages of my schooling I was taught that a dog biting a man was just an ordinary occurrence but if a man bit a dog, it was great news. That's how news was defined. Mating dogs are as common a sight as a pan chewing man spitting on the corners of staircases. But you have really made it a news by bringing in the concept of the Eternal Triangle! You gave it a further twist by making one of the two a possessive gay!

    You have made it even headlines by selecting an oversized font for the title!
    Sri
     
  3. Soldier

    Soldier Gold IL'ite

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    Pranams to Kamalji.

    One more humorous post. The catchy caption drew my attention. Becos here in Tamil Screens most of the films had the concept of triangular love. So I thought this would have to do with something like that. Only to know later that the grooms in the triangle were Tuffy and Bingo.

    I couldn't make out that KJ Mamla so could not enjoy to the fullest extent. But u sound so cost conscious for the society !!!!!!!! by imagining a scenario of more Gays and less Barats:biglaugh

    What a deviated thinking!!!!!! Nice post once again.:thumbsup

    And not to miss the Sardar joke. Though we have all heard it, its fun reading such jokes. I used to wonder if the Sardars really don't get angry becos in any corner of the world, there are jokes to honor them!!!!
     
  4. natpudan

    natpudan Gold IL'ite

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    Kamalji,

    The 250 you had to shell out really must have got the humor gas out of your balloon and more so the 3 rupee envelope. That's the reason it sounded less humorous for the standard you have set here amidst us.

    It was nice of to pick your tailor's son's wedding rather than any high class (glass mate) friend of yours.

    As for as the title goes, I am amused how you missed this title:

    GAY RAMS......Hey Ram.

    Tuffy & Bingo will best suit to adore this title.

    I have seen some marriages where they open the envelopes, count the cash & announce the gift amount & the person who gifted.

    But all this after the lavish meal, otherwise probably some might not be allowed to enter the meal area.

    Inflation has not left it's mark on these gifts - expenses have gone up but the gift amount remains the same as the past.

    The husband must be a dare devil isn't it? He had the guts to relive the pain of the past.:biglaughby watching his wedding video.

    Sardar is damn lucky - laluji is not the railway minister or else he would have seen to that the lady gives birth to sardar's son. Mamta ji reads this, she would blame the marxists of the bengal for the sardarji's nuisance & seek the dismissal of the bengal government.:)
     
  5. radsahana

    radsahana Silver IL'ite

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    dear kamalji,

    i am laughing so much:rotfl that i cannot express anything in words. Sir u are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    P.S. Dear soldier.

    About KJs. He is Karan Johar, the Director/Producer of hindi movies, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Kabhi Kushi Kabhi GUm etc.... He also made movie "DostanA" which is based on Gay theme

    His friends circles , are SRK, Kajol, Farah Khan, who all are married, and he is not. So Kamalji is making pun on him, his mother must be saying, why he is not getting married, even though he is amidst of all married friends or she is doubting whether he is gay??
     
  6. Soldier

    Soldier Gold IL'ite

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    Thank u Radsahana!

    I guessed KJ was Karan Johar but it just skipped my mind that Dostana was his creation. Actually not in the habit of viewing many Hindi films but nowadays daughter makes me watch selectively and hence I remember seeing Dostana too which is based on GAYS.
     
  7. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi !

    I see that everyone is rolling down the aisle holding their splitting sides after reading your report of the wedding and swayamvar scene. Believe me, I want to laugh too, but I'm so overcome with piercing sorrow for Lady Labrador that I cant bring myself to click on the smiley. The poor poor girl ! What humiliation, after being inspected and sniffed at , to be rejected outright by not one but two idiots at the same time !
    Yeh hamare desh ki Culture itna gir gaye hain ki not only human brides are subjected to such horrendous apamaan by insufferable bride-inspecting MCPs, but even our poor doggie- sisters bhi aise victimise kiye jaate hain ! Hai Hai kya shameful state of affairs ! Le lo hamari shraap ! May all you guys turn gays, as you wished, and eternally suffer your own company for you don't deserve the company of precious sthree jati !:boo:


    :rant:rant:rant



    Chalo, ab bhoot nikal gaya . Hope you had a good wedding feast worth every paisa of the 253 rupees you shelled out.
    You're wondering about an empty envelope you got for your daughter's wedding , get a load of this : For my wedding I got a beautifully packed box that contained a beautiful porcelein figurine. With the pedestal broken apart ! No wonder there was no namecard attached to the gift . But i will be charitable and assume that it broke after it was thrown into the collection bag by a careless cousin. Thats what that clever guest would have expected, na ?
     
  8. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    dear kamalji,

    i was touched that you chose to attend the wedding of your tailors son rather than the other weddings....it must have made him so happy,no?
    I tell you ,you are tying much harder for your tuffy and bingo than your daughter Sita.what a good man you are:)
    and what makes you think gay weddings are not elaborate affairs? people who are not afraid of flaunting it do celebrate it in a grand style,you know.

    ohhh and i am quite shocked at the empty envelope...Aisa bhi hotha hai???
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2010
  9. Meenupanicker

    Meenupanicker Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji
    Its true Feb s a month with busy schedule of marriages and also anniversaries.That tailor must be very happy with your presence , blessings and also the gift for the SK said he had not seen anyone gifting that much.I am also irritated by the queues during wedding and someone announcing the name of person and amount and seceratary noting it in the notebook.Simply because it doesn't match the total atmosphere of marriage .
    What a lovely presentation of gay affair that too with pets.Bhayya and Bhabhi's longing desire to become GP GM,couldn't stop laughing ...................
    So next time don't make any dear doggies sad with your
    bingo nd Tuffy.
    :biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2010
  10. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji,

    When I read the title of this post I thought you are back with analysis of Rakhi Sawant's swayamvar part 2 (now that Rahul Mahajan has taken her place).

    But never did I imagine that I will be reading about dogs. I really felt sorry for the dog lady in question. For any female from any species, be it humans, animals or reptiles being rejected by 2 males at one go is a strong blow to the heart.

    Thanks for making me smile and as always I enjoyed this post too.
     

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