On the path to seperation and divorce

dear


its very easy to say...u don worry..... but.....pain is always pain..... which cannot be shared...

but... here i have to say.... don worry..... nothing is with out good of something...
so don loose ur confidence....

 

Hi Peach just think about what you are going to lose, if its worth enough declare impromptu truce , wave a white flag. Break the stalemate , say that we will take care of everything together,his mom family etc.
You have said that your H is cornered by his family and by you here. You understand his position so well , why not make it easy for him.
Imagine yourself in his position, between mom and wife , we are not talking about who is right or wrong just him.
If he is adamant then maybe his mom wants this separation and is least bothered about breaking his marriage . Does your H have other siblings who can take care of mom by rotation ?

But why let him decide your fate ? He wants separation, to think about his life , sort of a trial divorce. Tomorrow he may walk back in or go for divorce.
Could there be some other problem , have you missed something ??
What do you want at the end of the day ?

 

Fine Peach , wait for sometime for his next move.
One thing that strikes me is why go thru a trial separation thru a lawyer ? Both of you could have done it mutually too like being posted in different cities and living away from each other.
It appears that he is doing it to appease his mom though his heart is not in it. His control freak mom is wrecking his marriage and he is trying to save it . This way he can say that he is living separately and talking to a lawyer to make her happy. Thats why no talk of divorce.
Its a bad timing for you as you are in a vulnerable position with an infant to take care and no job.
He could have waited for another year and then walked out.
But this tough period will also pass .
Take care !

 

Hi Peach,
A big hug for you from a friend. I was in your situation and I can understand the pain. Pls dont make the mistakes I did, I was emotionally very down and alone with my dd and I agreed for all the conditions given through my dh's lawyer because I want to somehow end the situation. Even though my H's anger and abuse is root cause of our seperation he didnt talk about anything regarding that instead he gave a list such as I should be good hm etc and whatever he agreed though my lawyer he didnt fulfill even one. Please listen to your intuition, as we women have strong intuition and take decision. Have your mom or someone close to you with you for emotional support and stay strong. I will pray for you

 

Hi peach,
How are you doing. R u alright.

 

Peach

Atleast now he came out in the open and told you the truth. Appreciate him for that , see no man would like to accept such things that too when it comes related to his performance and sex life. its like a big time EGO thing for them...so think how he had made effort in this direction to atleast open up infront of you that too at this stage when you both may/may not live together.

Empathize with him and ask him what are his plans to address the issue and whther he wants to go for any treatment or therapy? what does he think about handling it so that both of you can live happily.

Discuss the solutions for the problem at hand..dont make the problem at hand bigger by looking at the problem itself. you need a solution...but if you keep looking at the problem and blamme him for the past..he would further distance himself...and will be convinced that you cannot accept any shortcomings.