On the path to seperation and divorce

If someone is putting these kinds of conditions on the partner, I would rather say s/he is positively acting towards breaking the marriage.

I faced similar situation of adhering to set of conditions laid out by the guy for being able to be in the marriage. Marriage is not signing a set of agreements among the two parties.

One thing which does not get into my head, why is he going for separation, not for divorce. If this is what is in his mind, the space of separation is not likely to help him out for good.

Good that you have got a lawyer of ur preference.

Love

 

Don't worry about the custody sharing issues....it can be tailored to suit both your needs...for ex DD stays with you here for most months and then goes and stays with him in summer vacations and stuff to maintain "status quo" for the kid. Just ask your lawyer, they will give you more ideas on it.

NB

 

Peach, there is a control war between you two. Your DH is unreasonable from the point of his attitude and way of behavior, his mom is only becoming scapegoat here , though you may not have talked to her for years for valid reasons. Even if his mother flies off the planet today your life with him is not going to change. Mark this....the couples compatibility is what is important and when it is not there. Many people keep fighting on issues like these, sometimes kids, sometimes friend.

He is unreasonable to you but I also see he has a good heart. It is very complex. I feel as outsiders we cannot see the entire picture from start to end what has happened but given your description it seems he has lot of resentment. May be when you used to get angry, aggresive and later changed the relationship deteroriated and he is not able to forget .. However as a good husband he should try to save marriage and only if you or spoues is adamanant, uncooperative he can say divorce. To me you look still approachable towards reconciliation but it depends how you are putting your words, communication, time, etc...

 

Peach I feel he is not at all prepared for divorce. A person who wants divorce will not send this message that he is ready to explore possibility of changes and marriage workable . When a person goes to file for divorce that is when all the options have exhausted. Communication has broken to the exteme end. I am not saying that reconciliations dont happen in court. In Indian more than 40% cases filed for divorce are reconciled and parties start living together. However your husband notice is leaving you more confused even now. You are not aware even today what is that he wants... he too is confused...

Also bear in mind the fear of divorce leaves people confused. If that fear is taken care more people can taken step to divorce and get out of miserably lfe. One of the way to get rid of fear is to prepare mentally and know what all can happen in divorce proceedings and how life will be after coming out of rotten relationship.

 

Dear Peach , your H is putting you in a corner and has taken total control of the situation.
He has stated his terms . Either you toe the line and accept his view of a happy meaningful marriage or accept separation on his guideline.
He is ready for a reconciliation on his terms or a separation. He is not into divorce as yet . Maybe he is trying to scare you with divorce in the near future.
But this is legal jargon, why not talk to him personally so you have no regrets later ? State your terms and conditions .
Right now everything is about him and his choices and what he wants .
Now the ball is in your court .
You can stoop to conquer, forget your ego for a while and agree to his conditions or go ahead with your plans of separation/divorce.
Think about it so that you are clear when you talk to your lawyer.

 

My gut feeling -
1. First sit down for a day and think through, and write down your expectations.
2. Then you can talk to H to see if you folks can work on some plan/expectations that is agreeable to both for reconciliation. This will take some time.

Looks like he's also confused.

 

Both PEACH and her DH have not mentally prepared for divorce yet. It is extremely hard to prepare oneself for divorce and come to that point where it is called Over. Kids complicate it more. This sending notice and all is half hearted. or with some hope that things might change.

However this can also be first step towards divorce if things are not take care of .