On the path to seperation and divorce

I don't where to start my story. H and I are married for 5yrs. We have a 6 month old premature baby. having a premature baby, complicated pregnancy and a miscarriage nothing changed H.

H swept me off my feet before marriage. Probbaly didn't want me to back out of the marraige I guess. I was in us working in reputed companies and earning big bucks. He was in India. He wanted a finacially indepent girl and person who would share finacial responsibilities. H's momther is a divorce and my parents seperated when I was 21 due to fathers extramarital affair. Thought he would understand what kids go through when there is a broken family and said yes for the marriage. He changed so much exactly the day after marriage. He told he didn;t have any feelings for me on our first night. WE went to honeymoon. but no sex. Accidentally touched his hand on the second day of marriage and he shouted infroont everyone and said why are you falling one. What will relative think. He never lets me come near him. he is always rude and in an irritating mood. He never involves me in any decisions and he never shares anything with. He hardly ever has a conversation with him. If i started any converstation he could says there is no compatability between us and we should get divorced. Due to the fear of seperation and divorce I never opened my mouth. If a word comes out of mouth his packs his bags and leave. So I was tried to avoid such situations.

Yesterday, he kept get irriated with me for no reason. So I said what if I did the same thing to you would you take it. He said there is no point in talking to you and packed his bags and left and he would file for seperation leggally. After reading so many posts here, I thought I need to stand up for myslef and say enough is enough. So I didn't stop him. He left and came back after 2hrs and asked when is the next feed for the baby. I didn't answer and he went back to watching Tv. I aksed him why did he come back. Untill we are legally seperated he would be living in the same house and more over since he is having paying the rent its his house. I said I will leave and i don;t want to live with him. He said I cann't take the baby untill the court decides who should the baby stay with. I said I will call 911 and inform and take the baby. He said If i have a problem staying with him then he would leave. I asked is this some kind of joke that he plays on me every single time. So he left. No calls since then....

Not sure where my life is heading from here... Its never wrecking...

I kept moving with him for last 5yrs and had been left with no friends.

I have 6 month old baby and not sure how am i going to manage all alone....

I deperately need a shoulder to cry... I just hold my tears as I don;t to inront my orecious little angel

 

Thanks coffelover for the quickest reply. I will not leave the home without the baby. If I have to take the baby with I plan on consulting the lawyer or call 9 11 and leave.

I have a GC. Had been into consulting jobs since H keeps moving as he is into professional services and is required to work on the client locations. Thought it be easy if we stay in one place rather than him commuting on a weekly or monthly basis. Since baby is premature and weighed only 3lbs I didn't have the heart to leave her in a day care. Planned on staying home for an yr untill I feel comfortable leaving her in a day care.

Just waiting to find out next course of action from H. Not sure how to handle if he comes back. I want to put an fullstop to his tantrums and packing backs and irritable behaviour once for all.

I wish to have a happy life with or without as my baby's well being is more important than sustaining this relationship with constant bickering.

 

Riya,

He is very close to his mom, grand parents. He has lot of friends. He is extremely nice to every one and would out of way to help people. He is a very good friends circle. You he invited friends home for dinner and made me cook on the day my closet maternal uncle passed away with a heart attack. He invited freinds when I had wisdom tooth exracted and when my face was completely swollen. I was not ready to cook then and he order food from outside. We used to have his friends every single day for dinner. If no one is around he finds an excuse to go out and make phone calls. He never spends time with me. If I ever questions he would say i should have married someone who spend time with me or some one who is romantic and he is not the romantic kind. If i say I don;t how to resolve these issues he would have he is also feeling the same way. If ask him how we solve these issues he would say we are not compatible thats why keeps suggesting divorce. He says because I beg him to stay so he is staying married. I jsut gave up on all counts to reconcile any differences.



He never calls his friends or family from home. In 5yrs of marriage he hardly shared anything with me not even intimacy. If I ever try to get intimate with him he snaps at me so rudely that I never dared to try again. I never understood why he married me in the first place. May be he thought I would be a free ticket to USA. He is never open to a dialogue. He either used to treaten with Divorce or pack his bags.

 

@ Tridev,

Before we we got engaged his family and him were really nice. I spoke to him for 8months before we got married. I liked his board mindness and his frankness. Once we got engaged his mom started asking for dowry and aslo said all the expenses should be boren by us. She aslo went to the point of not distributing the wedding cards. My mom said they should had such talks before enagment not after and we are we are ok with breaking the marriage. While all the elders were talking I asked him if he interested in dowry and I said am against dowry. He said he didn't such intentions and they only asked as it is customary in our caste. I let go of it at that moment. Untill the day of the marriage we shopped around just me and him untill 9:00pm and had so much fun. The day after marriage my mil cried saying that she wanted a very pretty wife and expected lot of dowry. Bascially my parents did give me some jewellery , some property and she wanted me hand over all that stuff to her. I said no way. I accidentally happen to touch his hand on the same day and he yelled at me in front all the relatives. He said on firts night he didn;t have any feelings for me and he doesn't want to live with me. I never mentioned anything my mom and she didn;t have anyone to support us. So I kept begging him and pleading and asking him why is being so mean.

Then he came to us and completely ignored me once get got the job and his drivers license. Since I had been earbing more than him and had been in us for couple of yrs before mil always said I need to be kept under control thought I never showed anything of that sort to him.

Mil wanted a baby a month after he was in us. He would just starting being intimate when am sound a sleep. he would pretend it just happned without his knowledge. I told him am not ready for kids and would sleep in the livingroom if he did any such things. So refrained. After few months he started being nice untill I got pregant and then started his tantrums. He would get irritated for no reason, snap at me for no reason. He would invite his freinds or drag me to his friends house when I was a month prego. He would I don;t care about your prego etc etc.. I kept quite as thinking about the health of the unborn child. In the end it resulted in miscarriage. he never felt sorry. Then no sex or intimacy for an yr. He never intiated or if I tied he snaped. Then I said my biological clock is ticking and we decided to try. We tried for a month and got prego again.The behaviour repeated and he said he just freaked out. Had a complicated prego. It didn't matter. he picked a fight for not inviting his friends for thanksgiving. Well, I was a strict diet and had been taken 4 insulin shots aday and I was not ina condition to entertain.

Anyhow, Here is the latest development- He left yesterday night after I said I will call 911. He didn;t call untill today evening. He calls in the evening and says he needs some shoes and some stuff and asked if it is okay if he comes in or I would leave it at the door. I said he can pick up whatever he wants and can leave. he picked up the stuff. I was feeding baby. He said he wanted to feed the baby. So I gave the baby to him and left the room. He says bye and take care. I said if picked up everything. He said what ever he could think of he did. I said don;t call or come again. He said what if he wants to see the baby. I said go to court and get visitation rights. He what should he do untill he gets the visitation rights. I said i will call him when i will a little better and let him know.

 

He got his GC throigh me. I have my GC. I am not working at the moment but have enough savings to take care of myself. there is nothing more to the story other than him making independent decisions, him leading an emotionally dettached life, never having a dialogue.

He came home with en excuse of picking up his stuff and seein g the baby. he said will talk when things calm down AFTER few days. I said its over. He said untill things are finalised he would come n see the baby evryday. I am not sure I just allow him or consult a lawyer at this point. Just trying to ease by mind at the moment. Don't have stregenth to pull myself. and I have no friends to go to. Don't want to freak my family out.