Oh Rhesus!

he biggest question facing the nation now is why Sachin Tendulkar refused a bungalow allotted to him as a bominated member of the Rajya Sabha. Nothing else matters, the entire Sachinolatorous nation is racking its head over why the willow wielder declared that he would stay in a hotel at his own expense during the parliament session.



Granted Sachin is rolling in moolah but still going by hotel rentals and five star meal costs, his wallet could end up losing lot of weight. So what made him take that decision?



One theory is he is frightened of being allotted a bungalow near Rahul Gandhi’s but I think I know the real reason..Sachin is scared of monkeys.



Lutyen’s Delhi is under a rhesus monkey invasion and even VIPs have not been granted an exemption by the simians. One former minister with exaggeration that comes naturally to politicians recently said that about 200 monkeys were swarming all over his bungalow. While the monkeys are free to harass us,a whole tribe of animal rights activists will be up in arms if you are responsible for even a single scratch on a monkey, not to speak of Hindu fundies who would yell murder and sacrilege because a relative of lord Hanuman had been hurt.





Thus it is safer for Sachin to stay inside the closed confines of a five-star hotel instead of in a bungalow.



So while our fellow primates are free to scratch and bite you, you have to grin and bear it with fortitude. I, as a resident of Lutyens’ Delhi, should know. My colony has been invaded by the simians too.



The other day when my wife was away, someone rang her up. It was a lady who wanted to complain about monkey harassment. She obviously thought that the DW was the panacea for all monkey ills.While the wife is a member of the area welfare association managing committee, she is definitely not responsible for making the monkeys disappear but the lady thought otherwise.



She launched a long description of how a monkey pulled her sari. I almost got the impression that the ape was playing Dusshasana to her Draupadi, but she hastened to add that it pulled it from a clothesline.



Later she called again when the wife was back and went on a shouting spree on phone accusing my better half of doing nothing to get rid of the monkeys. The wife banged down the receiver after all attempts to convince the dear dotty lady that the monkeys were not her responsibility failed miserably.



It is a loss –loss situation for us Homo Sapiens. The monkeys can’t be culled and nor can they be relocated. There was only a temporary solution---another primate species.



The otherwise fearless rhesus monkeys are just terrified of langurs. One langur is enough to frighten an entire gang of rhesus monkeys away.. So the area welfare association hired a guy who owns a langur and everyday he makes a tour of the area with his pet.



While they see the langur the rhesus monkeys say without saying like Arnold Schwarzenegger “I’ll be back”” and scoot. And they are, within a couple of days. The result is a whole lot of sequels like Rhesus II. III, Rhesus Returns and Rhesus Strikes Again.



The langur guy is laughing all the way to the bank as our monthly subscription to the Resident Welfare Association has been jacked up to pay him. And the apes are having their quota of fun too. The only ones who aren’t laughing are the ones on the top of the primate pyramid, the humans.



Looks like keeping a langur is a great business opportunity. I am surprised that no one has launched a National Langur Corporation so far. With software sector reaching the saturation point and rest of the economy stagnating, supplying langurs to tackle the rhesus hordes could really open new avenues for the service sector.

 

Kamalji Lutyens Delhi is home to rich and influential men but not also to commoners like me. We too get a bit of benefit of the fallout of what the big guys get. Unfortunately the monkeys have been thrown in as an unwelcome bonus. The langurs are a great business op for an enterprising businessman like you.

 

SAtchi, the monkeys are still superior to politicians. They don't indulge in multibilluion scams and don't pretend to be what they are not. Their level of integrity is much higher.Politicians deserve something far worse than monkeys. They deserve to be locked up for ever.

 

Kylie thanks. I think monkeys offer the only rational explanation here.

 

Viswa when it comes to stealing Monkeys are cottage industry while politicians are large scale industry. Snatchings and organized felony cannot be compared. That way monkeys are morally superior to politicians. Be careful some monkey may develop a grudge against you for saying the simians are qualified to be politicians.