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Nuclear Vs Joint family

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by riefa, Dec 14, 2011.

Nuclear or Joint family, which one you prefer

  1. nuclear family

    86.1%
  2. joint family

    2.5%
  3. joint family with boundaries

    11.4%
  1. riefa

    riefa Bronze IL'ite

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    hi riyagan, love your style..
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2011
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  2. bhavatarini

    bhavatarini Silver IL'ite

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    hmm whatever advantages disadvantages I would like to live with inlaws ..because I can never think of living with out my kids! I dont want any parents to goi through that.. talking about independence when only you and your husband lives .. you will have to change half way to adjust to husband , little more to kids why not little more to inlaws .. one can be independent mentally as bhagavad Gita says .. mana eva manushyanam karanam banda mokshaye.. means its mind which is responsible for being trapped or being freed!
     
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  3. kAlyaniShAnti

    kAlyaniShAnti IL Hall of Fame

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    What I have seen in my family and that of my friends, I can summarize it as below.

    NF preferred by Young Generation (and also the Older Generation prefers to live separately from their DILS/Son-ILs), because
    1. Independence
    2. Financial self-sufficiency, hence JF is not a necessity
    3. Distance keeps the relation better, than getting into daily differences and rifts

    JF opted by Young Generations (and also, Older Generation) because
    1. Kids need someone around, so Grand Parents are one way out
    2. Financial dependence, where exists
    3. Parents need someone around

    It is a need-driven world.

    But the question is, do the present generation think of the future when they themselves become a part of the Older Generation? What will they choose that time, JF or NF?

     
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  4. riefa

    riefa Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi bhavatarini, it's such a nice and true quote from bhagavad Gita, all things come from our mind only.. Unfortunately hardly we can always control our mind to adjust the situation..
     
  5. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    Ladies,

    There will be no choice if ILs have only one son and if one of the PILs die (never think of this even if i hate them a lot), we have to take care of other one. We cannot tell one to live alone in their old age and no son will do that.

    Mine is same...even if i prefer to stay NF, i may have to some time in the future live with anyone of them or maybe both of them. No choice, what say??

    I say this becoz my mother is a widow...i know what she is undergoing without my father...My bro is not married yet....
     
  6. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi there,
    if u had asked me this question when i was not married 8 yrs back i would have said i don't mind staying in JF.i get along very well with old people & have enough patience to listen to their endless stories about when they were young & so on...rather love the stories of old time.

    but my hubby was already living alone for more then a decade when we got married & he really loved his independence.he never consented to go back to his native town even when we faced huge finacnial crunch & had hard time .
    Now,i also prefer NF structure & am rather a fan of JF.recently ,my bro got married & opted fot JF setup.i did my best to convince him to go for NF .he is still in JF setup.
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2011
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  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Loved the way you analyzed the situation KS. To your last question, I don't think the question will arise, because the chances of the next generation opting to live in a JF will be even lower. And from our own experiences, my guess is that even we - as the older generation - would prefer to live in a NF or retirement home rather than have daily khit pits in the house.

    Although the JF sounds a wonderful idea, especially if it is really it is touted to be (i.e. with people from both sides of the family living under one roof in "relative" harmony - pun unintended), in reality it is too much to expect. After all we all have differences of opinion even with our own parents and siblings. But those tend to blow over because we have known them since we came into this world. But to expect every individual in a JF coming from different backgrounds and with different natures to adjust to one another would probably be unrealistic. Believe me, if such a situation were possible, I would have definitely opted for that. Besides these days people selfishly tend to narrow down the definition and spirit of a JF to mean only the man's side of the family - which is not fair at any cost.

    The best situation as someone mentioned above would be to have homes close to each other, so that help is available while retaining one's independence. Only one has to learn to ignore some of the negative aspects such as comments etc. and get on with life.
     
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  8. pinky6

    pinky6 Platinum IL'ite

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    i always prefer nuclear family:thumbsup coz it gives more space for newly married couples to build a strong emotional bonding and good understanding between each other:).......Lack of privacy may adversely affect freedom of couples in a joint family system and too much of interference from the elders..........:bonk
    coming to the other most important issues of life that is " finance" we can achive more financial stability in NF:thumbsup than in JF......... i expirenced this in my personal life..................
    and one more importent issues are "stress and misunderstanding", these two are the root cause for the separtion of husband and wife and this can be avoided being in NF.......
    i agree with other members here that joint family is good for our future generation(kids) but it is wise to think of present than thinking of future........
    as for as me is concerned it's wiser to choose living in nuclear family.......:cheers
     
  9. priyankanath

    priyankanath Gold IL'ite

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    I would prefer Nuclear Family anyday over Joint Family!

    I love the independence and the fact that I can do all my work myself and my way. I have a small kid (10months old) and my in-laws are here to stay with me till my DD is 1.5 years and after that we will put her in a creche. Yes they take care of the baby and all but their constant interference in every matter is not something I am very comfortable about. We belong to 2 different schools of thoughts.....and its better to live apart and have a good relation rather than staying together and fight everyday and keep harbouring grudges.

    It would be good for both of us. Plus sometimes due to my FIL's brainwash and all my DH misunderstands me(something which never happened in 5 years of marriage) and I feel Disgusted about it :bonk

    So NF all the way!! :)



    Priyanka
     
  10. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Even if i haev brother i would not like my brother to be in joint family. If we go to OUR PARENTS home we might disturb others like bro and bhabhi. Also we might not FEEL ITS OUR HOME, rather would feel its her home now.
     

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