Nuclear Family Back To Late-start Joint-family

We had a two room flat in Chennai city proper, purchased 50 years back for less than a lakh.The flat was in dilapidated condition. Out of 8 flats seven were willing to sell and one was not inclined.There was constant struggle for three long years.Ultimately, a good day arrived.We were fortunate to get an international cricket player of Tamilnadu who was prepared to buy all the seven flats and deal with the eighth person on his own and he paid the amt full in DD.Of course all the seven incurred a loss of Rs 7 to 8 lakhs each,Yet the dealing was smooth.
We invested the amt in a senior citizens' home 40 Km s away from the city,spent some three lakhs to furnish. We have moved into the Home recently to have a first hand experience of Senior cItizens' Home living.My husband is in early eighties and is under constant medication for cerebral haemorrage. I am 78, so far healthy. Both of our children are abroad and have teen aged children.They have settled abroad,With our health issues we don't intend applying for Green Card etc and be a source of burden to them.
My DIL and SIL are very nice people and we maintain a good rapport.
If that relationship is to continue for ever, we thought that we look after ourselves.

There is a renouned hospital within 5 kms. For ordinary illness like fever etc, a doctor couple, residents of senior Citizens' home ,have daily consultation for 2 hours. Permanent qualified nurse is there.There is ambulance to take the patient to the hospital in case of emergency.At every flat there is emergency phone and maintenance people are working 24x7..The food is palatable , with less salt and chillis, easily digestible by the oldies.The menu is decided by the diet committee who take care of the diabetics and cardiac patients in mind.Greens, banana stems are regular parts of menu.
We have a kitchen in each flat provided with tube gas,If the menu noted in the notice board is totally variant to our taste, on rare occasions, I cook at home.With lot of greeneries all around, we have a pleasant walk for three km every day.Gym, Activity Centre, Chess, carrom, Tennis courts are there. Every month they have two movies,. There is yoga and physiotherapy sessions in between for people who have suffered fracture. We can have their service at our flat for Rs 200 per session.
For entertainment, we have puzzles sessions, anthakshari,picture viewing etc etc. Monthly twice they have lectures by medico specialists in various fields.
The life seems to be quite ok for us.Nothing to grudge.I find another IL is there catering to various interests/aptitudes. Mostly people are Tamilians with similar culture and background.All are sailing in the same boat with one or two children settled in North India/abroad.

When we conveyed our decision, my son and DIL hesiated
a bit. Last year when my son visited India, we took him to this home.He stayed with us for three days. He also felt the ambience to be very good with nearly 10 acres of open area with lots and lots of trees with specially carved rough non slippery walk ways.
On any day, one has to be the survivor. This will be an ideal option under such circumstances. The flat is nearly 1000 sq.ft with a big hall and two bed room with attached bath.Even if children come here for vacation, they can stay with us.There is lot of play area.

We just thought of this as a contingency plan and also to avoid capital gains tax on sale proceeds of our old flat.
With nearly 6 months' stay here intermittently, we find it comfortable ,safe and secure.
Myself having been born and brought up in a very big joint family of 25 people in a big house without electricity, we had to think many times before taking this step. For the past 5 years we had been in constant touch with many such homes and had in depth study. Finally our destination was reached.
We don't have any regrets.Actually we are very much satisfied and happy here.

jayasala42

 

Happy to read your post. I too believe that one shouldn't go to some far away country, away from our own familiar grounds for a retirement life.
Your situation looks good.
May you live long, keep in touch with us in this forum, and prosper.

 

Thank you for your good wishes.The decision taken under the present circumstances after deep analysis seems good for the present. We like to spend most of our time here with intermittent visit to the city to have a look at the bank accounts, renewal of FDs etc etc.
In my experience, the suitability of any decision is a relative phenomenon. Under crisis, when we don't even have time to think and act, we just are forced to take some steps guided by our conscience with the general 'good' of the family members.Some unseen force helps us and our unplanned steps prove to be a success.

On the contrary some decisions taken after long thought process may not be that much successful.If we are prepared to accept the pros and cons, we can manage any situation with grit.
jayasala42

 

Thank you for your good wishes.
jayasala 42

 

From my experience — don’t expect any thank yous, at least last generation GPS think it is duty of children to take care of parents ...

They will be upset if you try to show it or make them feel in any way that you are doing a favor ...

they are not some statues in the house that you can ignore them and go about your life as if they don’t exist

they expect to be involved or atleast be informed about major things and decisions happening in the house ... it will be taken badly if you just announce or inform after everything is done ...

they will want you to show them importance and they would like to feel that they are important part of your life

They would like to feel that they are contributing in someway at least providing wisdom ...try and see where you can seek their advise ...

fighting with thier child in front of them will be taken as personal offense ... so arguments should take place elsewhere