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Now it is her turn it seems:(

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Feb 7, 2012.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear all,

    I am glad that you all are with me during this very tough, but an important phase of my marital life. Hope you all know my past and my attempts to fix my marriage... Actually I must thank God first for giving me such a wonderful time have a sit with my husband and talk about our life. Also, I must thank him as well for coping up with me....

    It looked like he understands everything, and feels bad for not being able to play his role as a husband/dad so far. He just started to look things from a different perspective other than through his mom's eyes... Al though he doesnt agree to accept all my complaints against his parents, at least he accepted that something was not right. He agreed to observe things in the future with all the past happenings in mind. Specifically he agreed to give priority to US (me and kid) and try to manage his parents accordingly... I was so glad after hearing (indeed, after observing the changes) his words. Since beginning he has been promising so much of this sort, but never ever tried to change.. But this time I felt a change in his behavior/acceptance, hence felt happy:thumbsup

    It is not that he has changed his mind out of the blue... Its because of all my constant attempts and initiations.. Although most of them hurt both of us in many ways, I tried to show him the light.

    Things were good so far... Last weekend, we visited our native and had a nice time together with the kid. He was so helpful, he cared me when I became sick.. and what not... I was in real heaven by thinking that all my problems will come to an end... He too faced a couple of interviews and the good news is that he is getting a job next week (although it is not a great one, but with good salary):thumbsup

    Moreover he agreed to see a doctor for counselling sessions.. How good???

    All of a sudden, my MIL visited us... Indeed his younger brother invited him (only him) to their home over dinner (since he has just arrived from UK on leave) and he did visited but didnt have the dinner there.
    He said it would be great if we could invite his brother over here for lunch and tell him everything (from the beginning and how his parents interference have damaged our lives and that's why we wanted to maintain a gap now). I agreed and allowed him to go ahead.,

    When he invited, his brother initially agreed... But the next day when we called him just before the lunch time, his mom (MIL) picked up the phone and said he wont come today... No reasons given...
    When husband tried again, the phone was ringing but no answer... We waited till 2pm, and then closed our doors.

    No reasons given for the absence, but the next day when we were about to go to a doctor (i had a flue) both MIL and BIL visited us. We were rushing and they were just here like a very casual visit. I didnt even look at my MIL's face but rushed with my chores/dressing etc...
    They stayed just for 15 mins, didnt speak anything important.. and left the home.

    Husband again called him directly and said that "you were on a wrong time today, and asked him whether he could come back again this eve?". They live 100m away from us.

    BIL agreed to come and as usual didnt make it till late night... Again we switched off the phone at 10.00 pm and locked the doors for sleep.

    The next day, my husband again called him to see the reason for his absence. He actually wanted to speak up this matter with his brother as he felt uneasy to talk directly with his mom. I see no problem in it, so i let him on his way:)

    When he called him, surprisingly his brother and mom were at the airport to go to Malaysia on a trip. My husband was not informed about it till last minute although they keep on calling him (for brain washes) almost daily and we live in the same locality as well.

    BIL said he cant make it till next month as they wont be here in India... That's all...

    I took it as an opportunity to explain to him that how badly he has been used by his own parents as a pickle for their taste, and now they didnt even consider him as part of their family. But he has been losing his own marital life and family by listening to them... As usual husband kept silence... but off late FIL visited him when I was out and brainwashed him as usual.

    TODAY... We are back at my work station with the kid... Husband is as usual.. and my mom is also here again...
    During our drive to office my husband said my mom wanted to tell us about her trip to Malaysia yesterday, but you pretended as busy (rushing to hospital), hence she didnt talk... She felt insulted and my brother too felt bad about it...
    He continued....that my mom is going to visit a famous temple there and I asked her to bring a thread (holy) from there.. Hopefully she is going to bring one for all the 3 of us and bla bla bla... I couldnt concentrate anything after that.

    What is this man? I thought he will understand... I thought he will start seeing the points... I thought he will get a clear picture by this incident (that his bro continued to avoided the meeting, went to Malaysia without informing him etc..etc..) but he says he has made a request to them.....means he is all HAPPY with them and my initiations were just nothing..

    I think my MIL has started her part of brainwashing as per her own style, and that's the most suitable one for my husband... Now I feel, its better move on rather than wasting my time here
     
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  2. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    This seems to be never ending saga.

    Fine he justified his mom and brother behaviour. First make him fit for you..afterwards think of making him understand about his ppl. Make one point very clear that you dont want to listen abt mom or brother do...these things will always be there. Ask him to take responsibilities of you and your kid first. Tell him that you dont just dont want to talk of or listen abt his parents, sisters, brothers, their problem till he takes responsibility and you have a normal married life.

    If he again start talking of nonsense just tell you dont to listen to it as you want peace of mind and rather ask for his plan of actions everyday. Keep him occupied.
     
  3. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Tugga...tried sending you PM but your inbox is full. Please clear it:)
     
  4. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the response... I didnt expect any suggestions or advises as I think I had enough for my problem. I too understand what is to be done and I think that I am on track...

    I just wanted to write the updates for those are interested to read my story, as well as to keep a track for the important happenings (may be for future records). And also, I felt like venting with you guys as you are the ONLY people who know my story from the beginning.

    It doesnt mean that I dont want to receive any ideas or advises to make my life any better.. I welcome any new formulas that I havent still tried yet.. I am hoping to try that too...

    Just for kidding... One of my best friend has asked me to see whether my MIL has done any black magic (Seivinai) to us as I am repeatedly suffering from various health issues from the time I have decided to stand up and fight back against her moves. I am getting professional medical advises and moving on, but I hear the meaning of one Tamil saying that " Noykum parkanum peykum parkanum" means if you have a health issue you need to consult a doctor for the illness at the same time you need to see if there any devils influenced in you. Not sure whether i have translated it correctly...
     
  5. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Hey tugga,

    I have been silently reading your posts, but hadn't had a chance to reply to your posts. After reading through your posts, All I can say is call your husband 'DUMB'. I dont understand for some reason men tend to behave this way. Even in my case, the hypocrisy of my in-laws will be so evident that my husband refuses to see it and still keeps on justifying their actions.
    Not sure if anyone has made this suggestion, I suggest that you move away from your in-laws. The more your husband interacts with them, the more brain washed he gets. Do not declare an open war against your in-laws. you will lose as your husband is still on their side. Stay secure on your part, keep your finances safe. moving away from them would definetely help as the interactions would be reduced.
     
  6. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    I have already moved out from their town (I never lived with them, but it was my native where they came and settled after our marriage from their village. Now they made me move from my native just to avoid further complications in my life. But since its my native, I happened to visit here on vacations or any festivals and hence meet them. Further they used to visit us regularly in the name of meeting their son and grand son)

    I am very clear that my husband will never see the light, hence I am going to stop even think about changing him for now... I have secured my finances, secured my emotions from future black mails, and secured my kid from his influence as well.... Now I am going to concentrate on raising my kid and career. I am not going to think about in laws or husband for now...at least for my own sake of happiness.
     
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  7. bebe

    bebe Bronze IL'ite

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    Tugga, your husband will ALWAYS justify his mother, because its HER live and appeoval he seeks. Either accept it and move on, or keep on loosing your energy on this.

    You wont be able to make him see reason, the counsellor will, but give the therapy some time
     
  8. vini31

    vini31 Gold IL'ite

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    this is the best way out, all the best n god bless u
     
  9. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Tugga...
    You have done so much for your H and for this marriage..Any girl would have given up half way...
    DOnt worry now.You are doing right by thinking of your kid and your finances...
    Hope your son is doing fine and in great health.Take care of yourself.
    And dont worry about the black magic stuff...Probably you are a bit stressed out so its taking a toll on your health...Just eat right and take care.
    Your H is not going to leave his mother coz no son does.I have seen my H and MIL..Their mistakes are eident but still he will come nagging me so I avoid my H completely...I have had my own share of trouble in my life and trust me..The day I started living for myself and my son..Life became alright....Best of luck dear...
     
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