1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Not sure my husband really loves me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by lolly, Dec 13, 2011.

  1. lolly

    lolly New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    I'm married for 1.5 yrs and we have a 9 month old kid.

    My problem is I'm not sure whether he really loves. As he mostly does not do anything that makes me happy.

    Right now I work from home and I also do 95% of the household chores in addition to taking care of my kid. I'm really frustrated as I dont get much time for myself. I have lost almost 8kgs in the past five months since when I came to my husbands home after delivery.

    Earlier we had problems where my husband was not willing to send me home for delivery around 7 months. I wanted to go as I was advised bed rest by my doctor. So my mother stayed with me until 9 months and took me home for delivery.There was many problems during this period and my mother also suffered for sake of me.

    My husband does not like my parents from then and never allows me to go to my mom's home.Now that I'm much tired and feel that I need some rest for my mind and body for few days he does not allow me to go.

    Why does he behave like this without thinking from my point of view?. Should I go or stay back as he wishes?

    The reason he says is that he cannot be without me, But the way he behaves and treats me is different.

    When I was pregnant he has hit me,chucked me out of his room at midnight for that reason I said that I was upset the way his mom spoke to me.

    Also now when I came home with my kid he started behaving that his parents are only important to him and continued to scold and insult me in front of his parents. I never complain about my in-laws to him and whatever it is I dont speak back or react to my in-laws.

    If I react the news will go to my husband and he will scold me again. It happened once when my husband started to hit and abuse me saying it is due to their consent you are staying and living with me how dare you speak to them like that.

    Sometimes he behaves with me well speaking and laughing.Sometimes he says that he has taken a wrong decision to marry me( he was the one who said that he liked me...he is fair handsome and I'm dark )

    My problem is he never understands me and does not want me to go to my mom's house.He keeps complaining about me about the work I do and the time I take to do but never praises the good thing I do.

    If I start to speak about my problems to him he says stays here if you wish otherwise get divorce and go to your parents home.

    How to make him a happy husband and make our married life a successful one.
     
    Loading...

  2. shruthisp

    shruthisp Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    463
    Likes Received:
    252
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Looks like another Momma's boy husband.. Hope senior ILites would give better advice..
    Guess a thread should be started to help out to help all young ILs by seniors on "How to live with Momma's boy husband without losing selfrespect and peace?"
    All i could say is, Please Stay strong for ur kid.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. priyaj1986

    priyaj1986 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    217
    Likes Received:
    95
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Lolly,

    I feel sorry for all your sufferings.. I am married for 6 months and my hubby also behaved the same way. He trusted his parents very much than me. I felt very embarrased since they are not worth his trust and they used to behave badly with me in his absence. We used fight whenever i tell him the truth about my in laws and asked him not to believe them completely. But slowly by God's grace he started understanding their true face and now he is 90% fine.

    All husbands think that wives should work only for their family. You should slowly make him understand.

    You can write down on a paper how much you love your husband and you can reiterate him that you are spending your life only for him and keep it in a place where he can see it in your absence. You can patiently describe him on how much it hurts you when he speaks ill of you in front of his parents. But do not keep mum for everything he does since he will start taking advantage of it. Be bold and tell whatever you think politely.

    After all he is a human being and will change some day.

    All the best..

    Regards,
    Priya
     
    3 people like this.
  4. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,027
    Likes Received:
    440
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    hi dear,
    i might not be the correct person to give an advice .. yet m pouring in my thoughts... just try not to complain abt anything and forget the idea of going to ur parents house for sometime... dont ever discuss ur (this) urge with him.. instead try and concentrate on urself.. as ur working from home... try to work smart.. take the tips on this site.. time-saving tips for working mom etc.. and make best use of it.. and also give the best parenting u can to ur kid... try and look fresh always esp when ur husband returns home after work...let him admire ur smartness in ur work.. try to create everyday to be different... u have ur hobbies... and let him wonder wht ur upto always.. this would take sometime but worth giving a try...

    my hugs to u... :) keep in touch...
     
    2 people like this.
  5. GeethaMR

    GeethaMR Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    314
    Likes Received:
    75
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    I am sorry, I have nothing to add :( But hope and pray that your situation turns for the better.

    Geetha
     
  6. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,430
    Likes Received:
    1,785
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    IL, cannot tell you, if your H loves you or not!

    Physical abuse during pregnancy?? That is terrible!
    So, domestic violence was not a one-time affair?? Watch out and stay safe (in marriage or not)! Talk to a close friend or your mom about physical abuse!
     
    2 people like this.
  7. IlovemyMom

    IlovemyMom Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    534
    Likes Received:
    298
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi lolly,
    Feel very sad about your situation. I think you have to be bold and talk to your husband. Let him understand for both husband and wife their parents are important. If he really means that he cannot live without you he wouldn't say get divorce. You said that sometimes he behaves well with you. During that time why don't you slowly say that you love him a lot and he is sometimes hurting your feelings. make him understand that he is wrong.

    Some point in your life you have to talk back and be bold. Take care.
     
  8. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    672
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    have you spoken to your dh reg keeping a housemaid?since both of you are working-you can have a housemaid to do all household work and cook also.some men do not like to hear complaints-so give him some suggestions for the problems and ask him which he would prefer.
     
  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,921
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    You have tolerated a lot of abuse from your husband , he will not change unless you do.
    If you continue to be a doormat you wil be treated like one. Say no DV , there should be no next time ever. You have to learn to stand up for yourself and assert your rights.
    Just going home to Moms place to rest is not going to help.
    Its obvious that your DH does not respect you since he hits you often. He is using you as a punching bag for his frustrations.
    You can try improving your situation by being firm and say no DV or you will take strict action.
    Get a maid to help you and also cut down on your home business or employ someone as now you have to take care of your baby too.
     
    2 people like this.
  10. priya4prabhu

    priya4prabhu Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    987
    Likes Received:
    67
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Most men menatlity in india is that they should not be changed after marriage, especially by the woman he is married to.. After seeing so many serials and movies, they get the mindset that DIL come in and separate the man from his parents. Or they would think the DIL always blames PIL.

    Thats why many advice us not to say bad things about to PIL to your husband during initial days..
    THats all manufacturing defect, what you can do is for few days just ignore about your parents, and try to mingle only with your husband and give him a confidence that you are not here to separate his parents from him. Do not feel bad for your parents, quite a while considering the fact you yourself struggling wiht your pregnancy, so be calm and tell your parents too, try to get his confidence. But if you show him too much love, he will again get back to his "Safeguard parents state", So be careful while dealing..
     

Share This Page