non-indian older woman + indian younger man

cyan

i generally dont write and am a silent reader but wanted to chime in with what i know. one of my hubby's cousin got married to a girl of different country/religion. he was the only son and the parents are highly educated and in cosmopolitan city in India, travelled all over the world. He is the only son and it was very tough for them to accept it. mom travelled to meet the girl and came back to india and had a heart attack(nothing to do with the girl, but she realized how serious her son was about the girl and found it tough to accept).
I have personally seen her suffer through the ordeal, all the convincing sessions given to the son. finally, they accepted but got them married according to hindu culture in india for her peace. all said and done, there was nothing wrong with the girl except the religion/culture

just wanted to point out that it all depends on how strong ur bf would be. nothing to do with what you can do or learn abt india culture or how you can impress them. my aunt was not impressed atleast she gave in for her son.

on the positive side, there would be no expectation from you to follow all the rules that are usually expected out of typical indian DIL, nor ever have to live with ILS in India because of the cultural differences.

good luck and for your sake, i do hope your bf is true and honest man and will stick with what he has started.

 

Cyan45, I read all your replies. You have great sense of humor (charms, in your words) and must be fun to hang around with :rotfl For your sake and everyone, I pray that your to-be in-laws have some grain of Bollywood stylish filminess. You will have a great life if all goes well in the end....

From some of your replies, I feel your BF is a Punjabi or at least North Indian. So far so good. That his parents are college professors is little worrisome. For, here in India, teachers generally are a prudish lot, unyielding. (I should not stereotype. There are some jolly teachers too. I was the prudish one, though.) Does he ever talk about his parents? What does he say? Were they strict or jolly. What impression have you got about them?

Are you going to travel with your BF to India? (travelling shots and all) Not sure how real life will works, but in films it does wonders. :-D Overall, everything depends on how strong your BF is, how he survives their emotional blackmailing.

Good luck, girl. Hope for the best.... :thumbsup

 

cyan, while it is true that we do not see many inter-racial marriages, its been changing. More and more people are venturing into this and people in India are far more accepting of their daughter-in-laws.
So, dont get discouraged at all.

I have read only 2 pages of responses and I am sorry if you already told this; I havent noticed much reference to your side of family. Did you tell your parents/siblings etc that you are dating someone outside your culture or you introduced him as friend?
Usually, when you introduce others to family, its a sure sign that you are very serious about this relationship. Perhaps this will give him a cue that his turn is fast approaching.

Good luck!

P.S: have close friends marry people form other cultures and they have never been happier!

 

If he is willing to take you to India to meet his family, I think he is very serious. There will be some /a lot maybe of adjusting on both sides, perhaps more for you. But if it is going to get permanent then I say all obstacles can be overcome. Good Luck and wishing you both all the best of luck.

 

Hi cyan
I have two interracial weddings in my family which are quite successful and I know few others in my friends circle which are also going strong! And sadly one which did network out and the couple divorced , which I feel can happen in any marriage.
My cousin is married to a american of Irish origin and they have three kids , married since last 12 years .but yes he honestly admits that he married her for green card but then thought she is the best for him and thanks to god things worked out well for them. And amongst her three dil's my aunt gets along best with her foreigner dil
Second one is Greek american mix and she cant have kids( some medical prob)
Which was known after few years of marriage when they could not have kids , this TTC and other stress lead to lot of issues and then my aunt( boys mom) wanted him to divorce her and marry a Indian girl but I am proud not say that my cousin bro did not bend to moms pressure and stood by his wife. They are now happy with each other and may adopt a baby soon.

I feel such marriages can happen and work out only if both the partners are willing and honest. If you are american citizen check thoroughly that guy is not marrying for green card only.
Also try to know more about his family and culture and see how much can you adjust. As a Indian boy he will be very close to his family which could create probs later. .

But yes age could be a issue here but I'm sure if guy is genuine he will convince his parents.
Wish you the very best for your life.

 

Naksh1 - :iagree I second Peacetips

Naksh2 - :exactly: I third Peacetips and Naksh1

Naksh3 - I fourth all the above wise peoples :biggrin2: peacetips, Naksh1, and Naksh2

hehe sorry OP....this def'ly not directed at your frend. just a general note.

Green card: ruled out. PHDs dont have to worry about gcs much noh? they get in like 6-8 months......

Intro to frends: firt thign poeples like me would do is give an intro to frends....to brag n make t hem jealos ... :biggrin2:

Intro to frends is not needeed....intro to Family is wot is highly neeeded :exactly:...ASAP... else ...i would say Tata Bye Bye and cheerios. God Bless You and Good Byes.

 

I agree with naksh and all of his split personalities.

While looking for shoes online, check out some lehengas too.

Show up at their place wearing it. Watch yash chopra movies for more ideas. They might say :yes:

I don't think you would need any shoulders to cry. Our ladies are a lovely bunch you know.
So you will find hands ready to help you with the saree pleats. (predators keep off please...:rotfl....:hide:........)

Good luck op. :thumbsup

 

Cyan ..
Abt this situation what I feel is wait some more time and get the response properly from him and his parents as well.. in india soceity/family are more value than personal thoughts.. I have seems many relations like this and sorry to say that at the end goes negative ,, so think twice take time let him have a strong postion and prepare to accept you..