non-indian older woman + indian younger man

OP,
I have serval male cousins married to non Indian women...there was some degree of apprehension on both sides for most of them-at the beginning. As they got to know one another, the brides (and their families) get along quite well with their inlaws. There are always adjustment issues but everything is brought out up front and people maintain their boundaries well.

We had someone come to our house to check one set of aunt and uncle after their son got engaged Both sides agreed that it was only fair as the same thing would have been done for an arranged marriage to an Indian. If you know someone trustworthy, inform your bf that this person would like to meet his family as a go between for your parents/you.

Good luck.

 

OP, its best if you ask him to introduce you to his parents first..maybe thru Skype or something...just out of concern for you...if he is serious, he will tell his parents about you soon.

 

Lol. Same question posted in the singles sec by a guy seems to be getting totally different FBs. Looks like the race factor took over the age factor. boy!! Are we a weird lot. :coffee

 

hey cyan, first heartly welcome and all the best for you relationship and that you both will have a beautiful happy life

just my 5cents about it...

You are right some ppl feel uncomfortable if informing in skype (or other online video chat) but you really think a person who is not having the courage to do so will have the courage to do in person? Maybe the calls will come then but maybe its better so start that from a distance then being in person in that trouble? Maybe some relaxed information will be good.. like slowly getting them used to the idea (first talking about a good friend, then showing you in skype or introducing you on phone, then slowly when they guess tell more and more about you to put you in good books... then neither in person or in skype the concrete truth...) sometimes slow and steady infos are better then shock treatment and you will have the security he is willing to inform them
otherwise where will you stay there initial days if they are not informed? And where if they reject you? Will he joyn you in hotel/friends/relatives place or stay with his parents?

Im not sure if i got that about his friends right.. so you guess he might hide to not spread there some rumours about the date/relationship in India at the moment? You tried to "accidentely" meet those ppl and check "a tiny bit" his reaction??? It cud give you hints about how he feels about your both´s future

That his parents highly educated and from a metropole city i wud judge as a good sign

btw, you are very mature and thoughtfull person to check and think about all this before, hats off

 

Yes you are right, but if i remember right the single section thread was speficially about the age factor as she refused to start a relationship due to that reason at all while Cyan is already since a half year in a happy relationship with her hopefully future hubby... so we all asumed he is fine with her age i guess so the question about parents/society/friends and how to introduce and wether he is planning long term or it will happen became most important.. but good point out... its a point too what he feels in front of friends and parents about that factor and if they would get an additional heart attack coz of it...

 

OP, did you say he is the only Son ?
You might want to check with him about his future plans if he would settle down in US ?
IF yes then what are his plans about his parents when they get old ?
Are his parents in a closed family circle where cousins can take care of them?
Does he plan to get his parents to US (and live in a joint family) ?

Note, going and settling in India is not something practical for you. I mean the life style and stuff.
Its too early to ask these, but earlier the better.

 

To be honest your bf will face some serious opposition from his parents. Marrying someone older is something most Indian families cannot digest. And being an Indian he may succumb to the pressure.

He may be marrying you for citizenship. It happens and I don't think you can figure out his intentions so soon!

I have not read all the replies...

 

Dear Cyan,

i wish all your perceptions should be true. from the past dicussion i can understand that he is having very matured attitude and mind set. but pls dont decide this will applicable to his personal issues. indian men some time became emotional fools.
dont wait for the right opportunity to knock your door. create your own possibility to know his intention. let him to play his role in this proposal. as you said if he has backbone then we will celebrate your marriage.

All the best.
Radhika