No support from husband's family

Laxmi1982 · Jan 10, 2012

I have been married since 6.5 year.
It’s a love marriage and both the parents was against …finally we got married with girls style. Husband side only his mother father and 2 brothers were presented …the second day of marriage me and my husband move to another city were he was working…

No time to understand his family. I was happy with my husbnad..but the same thing..need to MIL and FIL ..give them update….I was not so conformable with them ..Cutler is totally different….1.5 year…went like this, during this time they never come visit us …

My husband got the job in same city.. Initially he kept me with his family. and he used to stay in office guest host because of the travelling issue….during that stay I was totally frustrated……….my MIL only talking about our marriage ..we have done Big mistake. they can not show their face in relatives……..then I have decided to go to my parents house and stay……..that time was very difficult for me to go back and stay with them ..I made some reason to come out from MIL’s house…I direclt went to my husband’s office I told him ..he was not ready to listen anything..he thought I am making some drama…

I stay with my parents house for 1 week..my father brought small house in the same area…
My husband was not ready to buy the house…and he was not ready to talk with the MIL also..then after 1 month we went to MIL’ s house. Because of my husband I have to say sorry whatever have done………..

Then My husband left for Hydrabad…to get better job…..he didn’t call me..and I was staying in a new house alone….I know that time..how I faced the my father and mother..no one was with me…………Then I went to Hydrabad….i search the rented house there..then I called my husband to stay with me………
I thought My life is now easy..but NO….I have to start working ...I have joined some clasees..it was going good..after 2-3 months..My husband called his younger brother to our place ..for further study….
During this period. my Mil and FIL was very happy that we r taking some responsibility….but the Problem was…I have to go early morning for classes…I used to come around 1 pm…my husband was working in night shift..he used to early morning and he slept whole day……..But my brother law was not happy to stay with us..because..I was hardly getting time to cook ..in night time only I was cooking…….
There was a BIG MISUNDERSTANDING happened BIL used tell everything about our lifestyle to MIL …and so on…………

I got a job in Pune …….I left the Hyderabad…I stayed in pune alone 2 years….because my husband was not ready to come back here….then he moved to Pune…
Now from last 3.5 years we are staying tighter………if you can see…when I was alone ..no one come here to see me..not in hydrabad…no where……….

Last year ..My 2nd number brother in law got married..during that weeding. My MIL ..was taunting me..and she didn’t introduce me with any realtives..she wanted me to stay in Kitchen and clean the floors….this weeding happened in gaav……..
I felt very bad..after that I stopped talking with her……….my co-sister is nice but you know in family …she can not talk with me..she always with my MIL and they both are gasping around…

Now My husband talk with MIL and FIL…but I have stop talking with them…
My younger brother in law is getting married in next year….he also stopped calling us.

Only MIL and FIL talking to my husband, they are staying in gaav
2 brother, 1 co-sister are not talking with us. They are staying in Mumbai

Help me plsssss……..I am working , I have a nice job , nice husband, nice home ,my parents supports me BUT NO Husband’s family support.

Should I approach them????

Thank you so much …..and sorry for my story…….

ProudIndian · Jan 11, 2012

If you donot get along with in laws don't interact with them. Focus on your own family and live happy. If you approach them again there will be conflicts, fights so better live peacefully now onwards. If they approach you talk to them nicely as much as you can. Try to forget past.

Laxmi1982 · Jan 11, 2012

Thanks ProudIndian ..for your reply...
this is what I am trying to do but my husband felt he is no more with family members....I have my family support, they always come and visit us...mu hubby always feel bad..no one cares for him...for him I am planning to talk with them....I can not see my husband situation....

mybaby1 · Jan 11, 2012

It is abvious for your husband to feel that way.You try to put it infront of your husband that no relation is one way.You have tried your best to adjust with his family but its them who are not ready to go with you so its not any fault on your side and you have tried tto your limits and now its not possible for you to take any more humiliations.

Just ask him(giving examples of events which happend to you by your in laws) that if such taunting or actions would have been done to him by your parents how far have he gone for them to still be in a relationship.
Most of the times men want women/wife to adjust with their families and dont find any wrong in their family.This is what i can see with your H also. Adjustment should be allways from both the sides.

For your mental peace just be firm with your decision.when you both will spen time, an have children he will come out of it..

Laxmi1982 · Jan 11, 2012

Thanks mybaby1 ...

My H never go back talk to his father and mother about our problems..he though we are elder one we have to handle our problem..But some time I feel very bad..when I am alone.I am ttc also..no one is here to understand me.. some time we need husband's family support ..all the time i don't want to go my parents house and ask them help ..for any big discs ion we always include the my father....( to buy house or make any money transaction )( we always think if we go to IL's place they will never allow us to buy anything.. because they want to have all money which we have ..).

I have 2 brother in law..one got married last year...one will marry this year...both are staying in Mumbai.........in IL's house..and now FIL and MIL staying in their hometown..

Now everyone thinks..I am the one because of their brother/son is not talking with them,...My H only calls to my FIL in a week..
Yesterday..i called them , I talked to them 10 mint..i felt good..Why I should run ..I have not done anything wrong.....
My problem is - Should I approach to BIL and Co-sister and visit them ? ( last 2 years we didn't went their.last time we all were gather in my 2 BIL's marriage in gaav .....after one year they came to my place for pujaa..but that end with fight between FIL and My H )

Laxmi1982 · Jan 12, 2012

Hi Mybaby 1 , thanks for your reply,..I am also thinking to keep minimum relation with IL's.

mybaby1 · Jan 12, 2012

Hi laxmi,

you know some times it happens when we want to catch something it starts running more fast..sometimes it happens with the persons also more you try to come near they will go far and when we stop doing it they come to know the emptiness..

About your husband not sharing yours problem with them.. i would appreciate that..just think if was of nature of telling each and everything to inlaws... ohh god it would have been a unbearable condition to you trust me because girls parents never think any ill about their damaads but its not with inlaws... they would have found an excuse to humiliate you..so be happy for this dear...

Laxmi1982 · Jan 17, 2012

ya you are right...I am also TTC from last 1 1/2 yr ...so I know what does that mean ...

So I am not going to run to catch any one......

take care
Laxmi