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No support from husband.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Aboli1, Jan 24, 2012.

  1. boredatwork

    boredatwork Bronze IL'ite

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    Aboli,
    Given the kind of atmosphere u have at home I strongly suggest u talk to one of the
    Planned parenthood centers in ur city. I am posting a link for the centers in LA (the city in ur profile)
    Health Centers – California – Planned Parenthood

    They will talk to you about options u as a woman have to prevent unwanted preganancy.
    Remember its ur body and u should be the one in charge.
    I understand that this is not the preferred way to do it ..ideally u and ur DH should be discussing this but since ur H is not being reasonable..and is abusive ...u are perfectly justified in taking charge of your own life.
     
  2. Aboli1

    Aboli1 New IL'ite

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    Hi Pranjjal,

    Thanks for the support, you are right my MIL wants a boy baby that is the reason she treats me so and somewhere she feels I may take her son away from her after 4 daughters she had a son, very possessive , jealous type. Once I even said my husband that I will call 911 he said if you do so I will harm my self inspite of that I took the phone he started to slap himself,If I be aaressive he is a demon, he can do anything. I can call my mother but I dont want her to come, my mother she comes and do all the work when they purpose is done the talk bad and agains her later in the past I have experienced so I dont want it to be repeated.
     
  3. Aboli1

    Aboli1 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Sabarimathi,

    I am in a golden cage, all looks good from far only I know how my life is I did try as you said but they were fights every day every min. and so I thought to stay quite just because my daughter needs me as well as her father,I know he will pay for what he is done but when I don't know.
     
  4. Aboli1

    Aboli1 New IL'ite

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    Hi ShriVidya75,

    I am not intrested to have another child, my husband know he can become a father by just paying the hospital bills and then leave me to suffer on my situation,what can I do when he forces me he to know I am not intrested because after my daughter was born he and his mother use to taunt me she is dark, thin and all crap
    But now his mother wants a grandson, even if I have another child I wish to have a baby girl I have a sister I know the depth of our relation,if its a boy sometime in future agin that SIL drama will arise at some point.
    I gave all the reasons for not having another child as you mentioned but he is stubborn.I am helpless.
     
  5. julietpeach

    julietpeach New IL'ite

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    Hello Aboli
    I have seen in most of the houses the same drama. The problem is if the husband is more cunning and too cleaver he acts as if he has split personality. That fellow he acuses us, behaves like a psycho in house injures himself does all the super drama just to scare us and keep us in his control and when one tries to call the 911 they try to harm themselves. But what you donno is when u call 911, the cops just dont believe him blindly. Its not india to bribe them or nor they come under any influence. they will try to evaluate his nature. psychologists will come into the picture. and even if he bluffs or blames you and does al the drama etc, the psychologists will eventually find out . All ways rememer one thing dear gal, these so called drama people will leave some clue how much ever they act in front of the cops etc. So try to be brave. And one more thing mainly.... if you stll stay there suffering, living like a slave in that house, dosent it occur to you that its gonna have a negative impact on your child? she is observing everything. So if you try to stand up against him and resist his dramas she will also learn to have courage. Your situation is indirectly teaching her to him scare, timid, lack of confidence etc.never ever cry infront of your baby gal.focus on her growing. your resisting your husband it self teaches her to be brave. In every act of your teach her to be more courageous, confident, cleaver, honest,down to earth etc good habits. focus on them. And mainly dont just get tears in your eyes,and loose your confidence in front of your husband.


    ATTENTION READERS:

    I would like to ask all of your openions abt the psychologist counselling and the tests that they do in order to prove that these types of partners are really cunning and hostile. How far I am correct. I got to know this from one of my friends. Can you guys please throw light into this aspect so that many who are going through this problem can gain confidence and step forward.

    NO HARSH COMMENTS PLZ.
     
    4 people like this.
  6. sabarimathi

    sabarimathi Gold IL'ite

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    Julietpeach,

    Awesome reply ! Do u think u need a psychologist to authenticate this behaviour. I can give a certificate just by browsing thru' her words ! I'm not ridiculing y'r idea; that's not my intention either. Just imagine the scenario Aboli is in. Speaker phone, comparison with dh's sisters, MIL taunting her [ she didn't elaborate , but that sh'd include all her manipulative dramas ] , and to top it all , this wonderful sadistic , jealous dh. I feel he is jealous of her - perhaps her beauty, her innate ability to manage everybody and everything including her delivery, and so on and so forth.

    All i would say is , be very intelligent, smart , learn the tricks of the trade . Don't be dormant forever. Be a volcano to such in laws [of course in y'r dh's absence ] , at the same time being v. kind and gentle to them in front of y'r dh . Be with him, be for him b'cos u're a team.

    Alboli,

    I think u can take take my cues from above and proceed. Remember, most of us go thru' this and u're not alone.U're not awarded a degree for learning to live in a marriage, but u're blessed to live a hassle free beautiful life with y'r dh and kids. Don't commit to something which u're not intersted in or u think u can't handle.Be barave. Tell him bravely in a high pitched tone. Make y'r story public - not in IL, but in his family and friend's circle. Wait and watch for results.

    Good luck,
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2012
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  7. Aboli1

    Aboli1 New IL'ite

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    Dear Sabarimati, Julietpeach

    Thanks a lot, I know I am lacking a lot when it comes to my confidence since 5 years my husband is supressed my confident so much that I am scared to do anything I know I was not like this always before my marriage I was working and Independent, the fact is staying with such people around me I am psychology effected. He was the one who said me before wedding that my English is better that him and now he says you cannot speak properly.Anyone with good English coming to US will inprove but my husband ?
    Most of then they ask if I have done my schooling in US and he questions about my language.There are many times where he used my emotions and let me down. I must gain my courage again I know ,and with you all ladies I am so happy that there are so many of you standing for me.Each one of your reply is really great strength for me to fight back.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2012
  8. Laxmi1982

    Laxmi1982 Silver IL'ite

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    I am felling very sorry for you .
    If the Indian man treating his wife like a servant...dont you think you have to think for your relation first..How long you are going stay with humiliation...
    Aoli don't take me in other way...but I feel you need to sort this first then think for 2 child...
    and pls don't go with your Mil and sil;s words...they are some people in world..their work to trouble others ..

    In Hindi their is phrase
    anyan karne vaale se ..anyan shan karne wala bada gunehgaar hota hai


    Take care dear
    Laxmi
     
  9. Aboli1

    Aboli1 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Laxmi1982,

    I know those words are in bhagavad gita Draupadi was hepless then and now even women are helpless
    I dont know when God will help me,How Draupadi could not help her self even I cannot do in most of the matters.
     
  10. Laxmi1982

    Laxmi1982 Silver IL'ite

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    Why are you waiting for god to come and help you...you have to help yourself dear...
    you have such lovely daughter ..live for her....think for her future.....don't waste your time to blaming yourself...try to be happy whatever you have right now..
     

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