No Birthday Wishes To My Son From In-laws

There may be lots of reasons, as @Rihana mentioned for not wishing your son.. if you are so upset, you don’t have to wish her on her Bday.. or send a photo of your son’s Bday celebration to them to see if they respond back with a sorry, we forgot!

But if it were me, I would not cancel their visit for this reason.. maybe for other reasons that you have mentioned, but not for them not wishing my son on his Bday..if it gets too hard, ask your husband to tell them how tough it is for you to manage career and work at home when you host them.. so they will have some appreciation or offer some help.. if not keep things simple, like easy dishes, just dal and one veggie, or same sambar for lunch and dinner.. dont go overboard when hosting.. as long as they love the grand kids and spend time with them, I would invite them..kids, esp in US get much less interaction with extended family and would hate for them to miss out on such fun..

 

Living well is the best revenge. It is a waste of time and energy to dwell on such neglect, real or perceived. You cannot win this battle. Maybe they genuinely forgot. Just send pics from the birthday party to both sides of the family, complete with captions. Here's Munna on the baby elephant, here he is going bouncy-bouncy with his friends on the bouncy-castle, here's the magician pulling a rabbit out of his ear. We all had such a good time! Kids are sooo amazing at this age aren't they? And leave it there. That should be sufficient to convey that they are welcome to be part of their grandchildren's lives if they wish, but life moves on with or without them. What could be more true?

 

A four year old does not care who wishes him for his birthday. He enjoys the party, the baloons, the sugar loaded cake and the loads of gifts. That’s the beauty of childhood. It’s about having a good time and not worrying about what others did and did not do. As far as your son enjoyed his day nothing else should matter. Don’t take away the charm of his birthday by focusing on why IL’s did not wish him and making it a negative experience.

Don’t tie this to their visit to the US either. Don’t make this a quid pro co deal, you wish my son , I host you here in the US. I hope you realize how petty it sounds .
If you have already initiated plans for their visit don’t cancel it now.
If they are disrespectful you set the rules and not let them walk all over you. You control the duration of their visit, make it short and sweet.

 

But if you cancel the trip they will never remember their grand kids birthday. Your action for anger seems to be just a reason not to invite them. You are still confused about inviting them. This incident basically validates your need to not invite them. I'm sorry but not wishing a 4 year old is not a big deal and grand parents shouldn't be treated any different for this. Given them a chance. Invite them with open heart. Time heals everything. Just keep the relationship cordial without much expectation. Everyone can enjoy the trip. Set the boundaries in the initial days so they also know what you are capable of doing.

 

@beingmom, belated happy birthday wishes to your son.

Also, welcome to IL.

On her last visit, was she an attentive, loving, caring grandmother? If yes, I'd let everything else go and host her. No price is too high for the joy, memories and sense of belonging a good grandparent can bring a child.

.​

 

There are 2 separate issues. Connecting them will make you lose the battle.

1) Your in laws did not wish your son this time.
Did they wish him before? Did they wish your other child?
How do they usually wish? By call or by gifting or by facetime or by SMS/whatsapp or e-greeting?
You can analyze the level of love and affection from the way how they chose to show their love/affection to the kid.
And it is not limited to the birthdays. How your inlaws with the kids otherwise?
Do they speak to them? Do they have concerns about their other milestones, like going to kindergarten, School, extra curricular, health etc...
After analyzing all, if you still feel that your PILs differentiate your kids, and take them for granted, then stop expecting any love (including wishes, gifts etc) from your PILs.
Accept the fact that they do not like this set of their grand-kids and move on.
There is nothing that you can do about this. But of course you can slowly make your H see this, and understand this.

2) Inviting PILs to your house.
Inviting anyone other than a loving/helping parent to your house is troublesome. It means loads of work, loads of adjustment and loads of room for conflicts.
But we do have to adjust with all these within our limitations because of the fact that we are expected to maintain relationships for good.
But there is a limit for everything.
You can do only so much.

Make your time table very clear, and let your H know your limitations.
Eg: You can cook elaborated meals during weakend, and make your guest happy
But during weekdays, you can't do much as you are busy with office/kids etc...
So, you and your H should come up with a plan as to how best you can entertain your guests
1) You can cook a simple meal or opt for store brought meals
2) You can take them to restaurents
3) You can allow them to use your kitchen
4) You can simplify the cooking by some ready made stuff
5) You and your MIL can share the kitchen duty
6) Your PILs can look after the kids and other helps while you do cooking/cleaning
7) You can get some domestic helpers
8) Your H can share the kitchen duty with you to cover up the excess tasks
9) You both can give up on your routine plans, and make time for vacations, funtimes, dates etc after their visit
10) More importantly you must accept the fact that this house and this living arrangement is yours, hence no one has the power to dictate you.

If this is workable, then let your H invite his parents, and take the lead in hosting them. You being his wife, help him wherever possible.
Here, you are not sharing any love or affection with them. So, expect nothing from them.

 

Good thinking. It's your own kid, why spoil his childhood by involving him in all this. Let him have a blissful childhood, no need to deliberately make him feel the hurt you are feeling.

As for MIL, FIL , as others suggested send them piks of bday and let them respond.