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No baby,really frustrated..I dont know where to post this.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by hianusuya, Dec 12, 2015.

  1. hianusuya

    hianusuya Junior IL'ite

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    Im a software engineer earning 60k per month and married, it was love marriage. Just im going to tell my story in short.Got married 5 years back soon we came to know that love and lovable person is not enough to live our life happily. Waiting for past 5 years till no children. 2 Years back we went to US for my husband company projects with lots of desire and we planned already how to live there and how to spend money..etc., their I became pregnant.but unfortunately I missed that in my 11[SUP]th[/SUP] week.Soon my husband lost the job there. We had to come back to India and we waited for 1 year to get job for my husband.But no luck.So I joined in one company. It’s already 2 years that my husband didn’t get job till now.
    My parents and In-Laws asking us about the children, they saw all kind of astrologer and horoscope and remedies and result was Big Zero. In our side, we consulted with different gyno, took lot of medicines and gone under diagnostics and the result was another Big zero.
    Yes, I can go for IVF, that one wil be last option for me. But In-Laws are not preferring this method (actually previous consultation with doctors were taken without their knowledge). Even If I have to go for IVF, I have to be in full rest that I can’t do that now because im only the earning person right now in my family.
    Right now im in very frustrated, depressed state. I know if I live this miserable life soon I will become zero.
    I came to this thought few weeks back but I don’t know it is right or wrong.
    ‘Searching for happy life is actually a waste of time and day by day it eats me. Instead of that im going to enjoy my regular day as it is. Here after I won’t beg for, wish for children or wealthy life.Im going to worth and thank the thing ,what I have in my hand.Good job, good friends and the best is my husband. That’s enough for me.Just I want to the live as it goes.No future plan,no thinking(positive or negative),no wishes.Im going to give to others what I have with me.’
    But my husband tells me that ‘actually my thought is full of negative approach.Keep positive.Always think we WILL live life happily’.
    How can I? Already we are in thirty plus…I don’t know when that ‘WILL’ will come to present tense.
    I tried different way to reduce my stress like yoga, meditation but no use. I know that my normal wish I mean every woman in this world have the same wish ,is not working for me. So I don’t want to bury myself in that unfulfilled wish.
    I want me back I want myself back ‘ a girl who was very friendly ,making friends very soon, remove the mountain size obstacles with a smile, not expect anything from others’.
    God fails me, nature fails me, my conscience fails me … I know, no other person in this world help me except me. I have to come over my problem.
    My only solution is ‘DON’T EXPECT’.
    Am I wrong?
    I don’t have anybody to share my feelings, because actually they couldn’t understand my feelings.Then I want to post this in this IL forum.So can my friends will help or advise me.
     
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  2. Telja

    Telja Silver IL'ite

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    DEar OP,

    Felt sad reading your story.Dont worry .. Keep hope.Life wont give all the desires to fulfill.It takes in different ways and in that journey will have to find the happiness in what we go.In your past life you had good job and enjoyed .Now its difficult time.Keep praying to GOD and the power of prayers will sure will end up in positive and nothing is impossible in prayers.Even there are many parents suffering and struggling due to kids .So in that way there is too a good and bad in all stages of life.You keep hope and enjoy the life it takes..Hope one day your dreams too will get fruitful .
     
  3. imhappy

    imhappy Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry msg deleted
     
  4. sugugiri2010

    sugugiri2010 Gold IL'ite

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    u r not wrong... but donot give up , keep trying from ur side, god helps those who help themselves... am sure u will win the battle one day.

    baby dust!
     
  5. aspha

    aspha Gold IL'ite

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    I don't post frequently. I had a long struggle with infertility and was in same boat as you OP. Would like to share my story. Its long so sorry about that! As cliche as it may sound believe in the super power! There is a reason why something has not happened till now, you will now after few years! Here is my story:

    I am originally from Mumbai, India but for last 7 years I am in Boston, Ma and had been trying since 2009. We went the traditional way every other couple does when they decide to start a family. After a year of unfruitful trying we decided to meet the fertility expert. Once in the facility we went through the entire fertility test which came out normal. So we started out with Clomid and timing. We had 5 cycles with this but nothing happened. Then the course went on for IUI for which we did 6 rounds with injectables, again with a disappointment. So finally it was IVF's turn. We did 6 IVF cycles of which we were only able to transfer once but with no good news. My doc told us I was facing premature ovarian syndrome and told us I cannot conceive through my own eggs. Our dreams were shattered. I was completely broken down into thousand pieces. After coming to the terms we decided we will go with Donor egg cycle. So we started looking for donor agencies and a suitable donor. Fortunately, we found a donor from Massachusetts itself and things started moving for us. But when the donor meets our doctor, our doctor called us immediately telling us that donor is overweight and was way too high on BMI and had given wrong information about her current weight. So we decided to drop her. Once again we were at square one. Till then 2013 had arrived. We got another donor who was supposed to go for screening in March of 2013 so for us the wait game began....


    Days were passing by snail's speed. Then something happened. Something which had never happened with me in my entire menstrual life had happened. I missed AF. Initially I thought it was due to stress and anxiety I am late on my AF. But my DH was optimistic! On day 7 of my missed period he started pestering for a home pregnancy test. I was reluctant about it as I was pretty confident that I am not pregnant after all the pains and disheartening results and even with help from the modern technology nothing worked then how come suddenly I am pregnant. But to put his and my mind to rest we did the pregnancy test a week later which came out to be positive. My heart skipped the beat and we were confused, happy, surprised, scared everything...We were in shock of denial. To confirm we immediately called our fertility center and they called us ASAP for blood work. With a suspicion in our minds and keeping our fingers crossed we went for blood-work. I was never scared of blood draw earlier during the cycles but this time I was dizzy and nervous...We came home and the wait game for much awaited phone call began. Each passing minute felt like a day...And suddenly our phone rang...My nurse from other side was telling us “Congratulations, the test came back positive...”and I was I knew it would be a false alarm....then again nurse said no it’s not a false alarm my dear, u seriously are pregnant and we would like you to come down for ultrasound a week later.. Now, we were in complete disbelief. For next 7 days we took tons of EPT's just to see that positive sign....Finally the day arrived for our u/s. AND.....there it was.....our baby....breathing inside me.....forming....I really was pregnant with our first miracle and joy. We could clearly hear the baby's heartbeat. At that point I was 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant!!!!!!

    And now have a happy healthy baby boy who is years old.

    Don't feel stressed about age. I got pregnant when I was 33 and by the time I delivered I was 34.

    The most important part, ignore your in-laws and their comments and views about any kind of treatment. I feel its none of their business. If they cant support you its best they stay tuned out.
     
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  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    If you need to do IVF, then do it.
    It is none of your in-laws business. It is your child and your life, not theirs. Inform them as and when needed, but they really have no place in your reproductive decisions.
     
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  7. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    I like your new thought. The less thinking you do about having a child, the more healthy your mind and body will become. It's funny how things work sometimes. I wanted a girl on my first and second pregnancies but I delivered boys. On my third, I said to myself, I might as well have another boy so I don't have to buy new baby stuff but I ended up finally having a girl.
     
  8. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP, If you wait for happiness, it will not come. Meaning if you think, I will be happy after I my Dh gets a job OR I will be happy after I have a child, you will just keep waiting. Remember this, Happiness flows to where happiness is. Be happy in the now. Don't wait for it to happen BUT have faith that it WILL happen. Believe that it will happen when it is meant to. Now, be greatful that you have a job. Can you imaging what would have been your situation had you also not had a job? How would you have survived? YOu have a good Dh. Good famiy. Be greatful for the little things. That will keep you from being stressed and that might be the key. A friend of mine went through a lot. She had various fertility issues, had surgeries, did multiple rounds of IUIs and IVFs nothing worked. her doc told her to take a break from all medications and trying and stressing for a baby. She did and then got pregnant when she least expected. She delivered in November. It will happen for you too. Think Positive. Keep a journal to write down things you are greatful for and write even the smallest piece of happiness you got everyday. It will help you be greatful. Have faith!
     
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  9. happyperson

    happyperson Gold IL'ite

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    Hello dear

    I had been in the same boat. I was the only earner in the family and had to take IVF route after so many pains and heart breaks. I took huge amount of loan to do IVF and we are blessed with a baby boy. He is 5 months now. So if your husband is supporting, you can try an IVF. You need not tell anyone on the treatment.

    Take care of yourself
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Dear OP

    I was born 5 years after my parents' marriage. Needless to say, my mom would have gone through all kind of stress/stigma and trauma because of the delay.
    But today, I have 2 siblings of each gender. My mother is living with me, and she has seen 5 grand kids already. What more she could ask for?

    Prioritize your life's tasks together with your husband.

    1) First of all, he needs to settle in a job. Two years of wait with no hope is frustration.
    He should support you financially to manage the life after the kid.
    As a full time working mom, with the added stress of being the sole bread winner, you might feel stressed out after becoming a mom.
    So, encourage him to find a job asap. Make it as a first step.
    Perhaps, he could get some job with less pay. Perhaps a job in a different city within commutable distance.
    I would always advice career oriented people to find a job that comes your way, and look for a better job while you are working here. No one would prioritize someone who sits at home for 2 years. Also, chances are high to lose interest, updated knowledge and work related contacts if he stays idle at home.
    I am sure he can find ANY DECENT job with his qualifications, if not his preferred job.

    2) Secondly, relax. Once your husband started earning, you will automatically feel the sense of some relaxation.
    You can take some leave and risk your career for the fertility matters, if that requires frequent rest etc..

    3) Don't involve others about your plans. Follow your doctors. If you are not convinced, meet an alternate doctor.
    But follow their advice, be it diet, exercise, routing check up, etc..etc.. strictly
    If their advice is to go for IUI or IVF, then try that too. You don't have to inform others about it.

    4) Continue your healthy life style. Yoga, diet, exercise, and some fun filled life is more important. Since your husband is great, you may consider some outings with him.
    Remember.. We married woman miss our fun filled outings and honeymoon days a lot because of our kids' responsibilities. Why not enjoy the fun.

    Having a relaxed mind helps to improve your fertility matter.

    Loads of baby dust to you !!
     
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