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Nightmare Houseguest

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by dsmenon, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All

    Hope y'all are doing good! I had a very strange weekend and I am here to vent.

    It all begins early Jan when one of my college mate who I met 5 years ago decided to call me up and inform me that he is coming to my town. Obviously I was happy as I thought it would be fun to meet someone from my past after so long. And reminiscence the golden college days. He tells me he is going to stay with me for a day or 2. Never discloses the full plan and says he will go with the flow.

    The first mishap happens when he asks me to pick him up from an airport which is 60 miles away from my home during the peak hour which I declines and asks him to take airport taxi or uber. the guy lands and calls me just to reconfirm if I am not coming I said no and asks him to text me as soon as he gets in the car. which he didn't. I am working and since I didn't see any call or texts I decided to leave at my regular time. my bad. when I take a turn to my house I see him standing at the porch at this freezing temp. I feel bad and me and my DH apologize to him.

    At this point we are trying over board to accommodate and be nice to him since we made him stand in the cold for a half hour.

    The first pet peeve - he wears his shoe inside my house. A BIG NO for us and infact we do have signs at the door asking to remove footwear. we didn't make a big deal of this but I have a toddler.

    No. 2 - Now we didn't get a chance to cook at home. We order in and this guy starts complaining about the food. But hey I don't care since I didn't cook. And I said for us Indians the spice level might be too low.

    No.3 - We all are talking and having food and he suddenly decided to watch cricket on his fone. Duh! basic etiquette - when everyone is talking have the courtesy to put the fone away.

    No. 4 - Never disclosed his full plans. He would reveal one by one when the time comes.

    Now my husband is a soft hearted and he doesn't bother about all this. The weekend we had a weather warning. So I was not planning to go out anywhere but my DH insisted that he is coming from far and this is the least we should be doing but come back before 4 PM.

    So I took him out to the City and take him around in the freezing temperatures and this guy is all the while looking at the phone. I am trying to make conversations and he is least interested to talk. just on his fone all the time. And when the time comes to pay for anything he just walks away from the register. I don't want him to pay but atleast be a gentleman and offer to pay? nothing..

    Now on our way back too nothing, he is not happy that we are coming back so soon. WE reach home and he walks in with the shoes. I ask him to come back and take his shoes off.

    No. 5 - switching on the TV without asking and taking control of the remote control.

    So now me and my DH are cooking and he is happily watching some movie.

    No. 6 - I call him to the dinner table about 5 times and he slowly gets up from the couch and comes to the table. Eats and no comments what so ever.

    No. 7 - NO GRATITUDE. He doesn't have please, Thank you or Sorry in his vocabulary.

    So now we have 2 more days to go but I am so fricking done. The next morning wake up and make a story about some family emergency and I asked him to find a place to stay. And literally kicked him out.

    I felt bad but after going through all the events I now feel much better and even think what I did is right.

    Thanks for reading ladies!
     
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  2. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi we had a girl stay with us for a few days from India, she was staying and then moving on to the city that she was going to study at.

    Never met her before, a cousin of a cousin, had to do a favour for a mutual relative. She was with us for 4 days and was on her phone all day and night. If we went to visit someone she was be aggressive in asking the wifi password. Some people don't like to share. Then my husband had to drop her to her college which is 8 hours drive each way. I had told her family to book a connecting flight but they ignored. I also told them don't send her on such and such days as I work, they ignored and picked the cheapest flight date so I had to take two days off of work. I guess in a way it is also my fault for agreeing to do the things. But I will not host her again. She was glued to her phone 24x7. If her phone was busy then her relatives would start messaging me that she is not returning our whats up calls and messages.

    There is just no phone etiquette in this day and age.
     
    nakshatra1, GeetaKashyap and dsmenon like this.
  3. googleearth

    googleearth Bronze IL'ite

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    I kind of feel like laughing at your post (I am sorry) and your husband is very nice. My second cousin came to my state to study from India and being the always please all relatives kind of upbringing I would let him come to my house pretty frequently and he would stay awake for entire night talking on phone/whatsapp/skype. We stayed in apartment at that time with shared bedroom walls it was so frustrating to continuously hear somebody talk though in the other room. But the straw that broke camels back was his apartment got infested with bed bugs and he came to my door with all his left over belongings my husband said bye bye to him from the door and he is never allowed to step in our house. we have moved to another state thats what we told him. :smirk:
     
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  4. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    I know, some people I have seen has no phone etiquette. In the middle of a conversation, pick up the phone and check FB or WhatsApp or insta. WTH??

    And also what I understand is they don't value someone else's time or patience.

    I just decided I will not host anyone else other than my close family. No extended family or friends. and when someone is coming I have a set of house rules, that no matter what, u have to follow.

    Oh please do laugh! the whole post was a vent/ humorous. your DH is funny and I can play the scene in my head. :)
    And this guy keeps talking about how he has travelled to places and visited many countries and blah blah blah..

    Ugh!!
     
    GeetaKashyap likes this.
  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    @dsmenon ,

    I have been in your shoes and I have had so many bad experiences that I can write a book on this topic. Our faults are, we stay near an airport and in the past (before gaining the worldly wisdom) we were excellent hosts! Now irrespective of what our visitors assume we avoid hosting most of the relatives with some excuse.
     
    dsmenon likes this.
  6. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    We get excited when someone comes over, especially from India. the issue was with me only, I should have nipped it in the bud, saying not available. Sometimes.... :p
     
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  7. BoysMom

    BoysMom Senior IL'ite

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    @dsmenon

    I am in your shoes but the person is my youngest cousin.

    He is always on the phone and makes me spend more on eat out in expensive restaurants and outdoor activities, leaves his coffee cup in the same place wherever he drank , these things I could adjust atleast.

    My children are preteen and teens now. Considering their age, I have set few rules for others at home. like no drinks at home, no tv shows or movies with the content in appropriate for children.

    He breaks the above rules which is hard for me to tolerate. Told him once for the movie. He also provokes my husband with the drinks at home rule and creates rift between us. Everyone is glued to TV if he is home while I am in the kitchen.

    Still I keep inviting him with the reason he is the only family in a far away land. Don’t have the nerve to stop..
     
    dsmenon likes this.
  8. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    It's very sad that your friend did not value your effort and time. Did you get a chance to ask him if there was any emergency in the family which is making him go back to use his phone frequently? While you know he's browsing fb, whatapp ,insta etc a question like "Is everything fine back home? You seem to be worried and using your phone a lot " sort of a question may have given him a clue how annoying it is to keep using phone.
    I remember an incident . When a few freshers joined our team I was assigned the task to give them knowledge transfer. 2hrs was assigned daily for this training. These two grads fresh out of college still didn't know the work etiquette. While I spent my time not working giving them training the two weren't serious it and kept fidgeting with their cell phones. On the third day of the training I asked the guy "Is everything normal at home or if something is bothering him ? Going back to phone is distracting the training session and I'm unable to concentrate completely. He apologized and stopped bringing his phone along from next day.
    While the scenario is different above definitely put forward to your friend sometime when u get a chance through a casual chat like whatsapp or common chat or something and glad you kicked him out as soon as possible. He didn't deserve your hospitality. I don't think even I can stand such people.
     
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  9. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    I wouldn't invite someone like this ever again. Even if he is the only family. This is so not done. You cannot break the house rules period. And u r a guest behave like one. PERIOD
     
  10. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Anusha - He is watching soccer or something in full volume. So I know it is not an emergency. I did tell him that we don't use any gadgets at the dinner table. That is a rule in our house. He would royally ignore all these comments.
    Arey, I am walking with this guy in the streets of NYC and he is glued to the phone. It looked like as if I was the tourist and he is someone who live in NY. I even told him that in certain states there are laws that would fine you for looking at the phone while u r walking. But who cares..
    The more I think about it, the more I get angry.
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.

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