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New Era Mothers In Law And Their Ultra Modern Dil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by blessed, Nov 8, 2019.

  1. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi
    Back again after a long gap, little review about myself for the new comers and those who have forgotten me, we are three sisters all married with grown up adult kids, I had very hard time with my in laws (all in my previous threads) presently very happy all problems resolved:grinning:.
    I have a daughter who is now doing her masters in US, so this title has nothing to do with me, but from what I have observed I sincerely feel these days MILs ( say between 48 years to 55 years) are so very adjusting , tolerant and try their best to be a great MIL and at the same time I find these younger DIL's are so much with attitude, I may be wrong in general but have personally seen and heard number of incidents in and around my family and friends circle:coldsweat:.
    Recently my older sisters Son and DIL visited from US and stayed for 3 weeks in India, she had to stay at her in laws place as her parents had gone to Australia for their older daughters delivery , I understand this is a vacation period for both of them, so my sister went beyond her limits to make their stay pleasant, throught her stay DIL use get up between 10.00 to 11.am (yes this their holiday its okay)not once she has picked her own plate from the dining table, either my sis or the maid had to do it, always in T and mini shorts crossing her legs even when she sits in front of my BIL, I some how felt very uneasy but my sister is okay with it, just would like to hear other ladies views
    My immediate neighbor is also a new MIL, she is just 49 years old, both her Son and DIL are working, I see her toil the entire day from packing lunch boxes for her Son and DIL to serving them dinner at night, even that girl will never lift her finger in her new home, I dont understand is this some kind of hotel lodging, but this neigbor gets very nervous if she see's her DIL sulking for no reasons, I wonder whats happening, are our generation crushed between our old cultured Mothers in law and ultra modern DIL's.
     
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  2. kveena

    kveena Platinum IL'ite

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    I think it depends on the personality of the mil and dil which plays a vital role in deciding the fisherman and the fish.Be it any era there are very few mil-dil who are like fish and water unlike many who are like fish and fishermen.
     
    Amica, meepre, shravs3 and 4 others like this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice thread. I have a feeling it will run to pages. : )
    If a problem is resolved because the person is no longer around, it is called gone, not resolved. : )

    I think I know what you are saying. I see pictures in FB and hear about the lifestyle, vacations and other life events of the 24-30 age group kids who are married, and often wonder, 'wow how times have changed.'

    Is this the son and DIL who took parent like care of your niece who lived in the same city as them (they were "cold" towards your sister during her visit, and later the actual reason became known?). If so, that might explain your sister going beyond her limits.

    Coming to the specifics of waking up between 10-11 am and not picking own plate from dining table -- was the son also waking up around that time and leaving plate on the dining table? If so, fair enough.

    I felt happy to read that a woman is able to treat her in-laws' house like her mother's house. If your sister is really okay with it, and not just tolerating it, that's a refreshing change.

    Does the son help around in the house? Did he help before he got married?

    What should be different? After they come home from toiling the entire day at work, the son changes and relaxes on the sofa with the TV remote or on his phone/laptop, while the equally-tired woman should change and go to the kitchen to help MIL?

    Then, the neighbor has a problem such as unable to deal with a sulking adult. In our household, if a person young or old enough is sulking for no reason or silly reason we generally ignore them.

    If it is a hotel lodging for the son, I am personally happy to read that now the DILs are getting or taking equal treatment. And maybe with both working, they are able to afford sufficient maids, and if no grandkids yet, packing the lunch and making dinner might be something that keeps the MIL happily busy.

    Though I prefer that all able-bodied people of both genders in a household try to pitch in rather than one set sit and the other slog away on a routine basis.

    For the record, whenever I visited India, if I insisted on carrying my plate or my kid's or husband's plate from the table, or anybody's plates, or even tea-cups after chai/cofee it would give rise to so much discussion and protest and fun "Ms. DIY from America" comments, that I learnt to simply get up from the table, go wash my hands and settle down on the sofa. This was in both my parents' place and in-laws' place. Only sometimes, like if I was the last to eat, or guests were over, was my help needed and welcome in clearing the table.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2019
    Positivity02, SunPa, Amica and 5 others like this.
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Forgotten you ?
    Every time I look at Deepika Padokone pic, I think about you :).
    I even read your post in her voice and konkani tinged accent.:rolleyes:

    Regarding mils....if you read the forum, most continue to be same .
    Some have changed for the good.Good for society if this is happening.

    Op...you have had more than your share of atrocities from your mil and sils.

    Be happy that things are changing and if there is any justice in the world then atleast your daughter should get a good mil who accepts her as a daughter. You deserve to see that change for your daughter.

    Be happy for the changes that are happening in a few homes.

    As for your sisters home...nothing alarming happened. The young couple had a good vacation . If the sister's family has accepted it and were not inconvenienced , then all is fine.

    As for the other overworked mil, she should tell her son to keep help at home to help her if he and his wife do not have time to help around the house.
    No one should have to slave around all day and the son and daughter should atleast pay for the maids to help her out.
    The expectation of helping her should be from both son and dil .

    The girls who have been raised well will know how to find their rightful place in their marital home,whether nuclear or joint, without exploiting anyone .

    Amongst the good mils and good dils,there will always be the bad mils and the bad sons and bad dils who will believe in exploitation.

    If there is change ,be happy for our daughters who may find a slightly fairer world to live in future.:beer-toast1:
     
    Amica, blessed, shreepriya and 4 others like this.
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    If your sister and her family itself are fine with it then why bother?
    When there are some MIL's who are trying to be good with DIL accept the change and move on. Some people cannot accept this change no wonder our Indian society is still the same.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2019
    Amica likes this.
  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Both Son and DIL should pick up their plates, help their older parents , not sit around like king and queen of England.
     
    sweetsmiley, Amica, rgz and 1 other person like this.
  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am wondering if OP would create similar thread (Traditional mother and ultra modern daughter )
    when her sisters daughter or her daughter visit them from abroad and wonder how they would be treated.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2019
  8. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Silver IL'ite

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    -
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2019
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Gold IL'ite

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    @blessed I'm assuming both the DIL's come from rich background. Waking up at 10 or 11 am every day is not often seen in middle class families. I think those DIL's should have come with good package . Money has more power in MIL-DIL relationship .
     
  10. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Same old story , one individual taking other adjusting person as granted ...
     

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