Neighbors Ignoring Me...how To Deal?

@anika987 I apologize if my post was hurtful in any way. It was not my intention.

All I want to say is to not attach unnecessary meaning to people's behaviors. My point is sometimes we tend to examine the other person's behavior towards us with so much detail that it leads to incorrect conclusions about the other person!!

During my wedding, there was this uncle of mine (my mom's cousin) who did NOT come for my wedding even though my parents invited him and his family. We're a pretty close knit family and we were quite surprised that he did not come. But at that time, we all jsut expressed surprise and did not really have the time to think why he did not come and all that. After a month or so, I was just generally chatting with his son (my cousin) and asked him why they did not come and my cousin said that his dad was upset with my mom about something and that he had cried and pleaded with his dad to come to my wedding, but his dad refused! Now, I was really surprised, because we are in general not a family where adults fight and not talk to each other and all that!! So I asked my mom what was the deal and she had no idea either what she had done to cause my uncle to be upset. When my mom called to ask my uncle, he did not reveal what had happened apparently, and I guess he himself, by that point was embarrassed that he was angry about whatever it was. Till today, none of us know what exactly he was upset about and why he did not attend my wedding!! The following year, my cousin got married and my parents all went, and everyone just moved on like nothing happened. My point with this story is sometimes things just happen and neither party is intentionally or willingly trying to hurt or belittle another person. I think just thinking that people are usually and inherently nice is just a good, positive way to look at life, and results in a lot of peace of mind.

With your friends that went ahead without inviting you, it could be many things. They could have just planned an extempore outing. It could have been just convenient for them three at tha time to go.... there could be a million reasons. I just feel like that shouldn't be a reason for you to think of yourself as any lesser or think of them as a gossipy, unfriendly bunch of people.

Now, when I am thinking about my own interactions with my friends.... I can see some of my friends probably think of my like you do (I know my friends don't... but if they do...). I do not have the time to interact with them like I did when I did not have kids. I definitely have my kids enrolled in more classes than they have. My husband travels quite a lot and hence, if I go out for a girls night or something, it is only on my availability. I definitely call some of them only when I *need* something from them, because other times, I just do not have the time. But when we do meet at a common place or a common party or something, we catch up and chat and move on. That really is life!! A friend of mine is SAHM and she usually offers to keep my daughter if they all have a day off. I cannot extend the same favor to her, because my situation just doesn't allow me to. And we both understand that! It's just life!

 

We can have different opinions, but I do think it is a bit arrogant think that another person is really interested in details of your life like your visa status/financial status etc. If someone doesn't like me, the first thing that would strike me is that I probably have some quality that they find undesirable. I would not think that it is their bad attitude that makes a likeable person like me not liked by them. It is this thinking that I find a little too much. But again, that's how my mind works!!

 

Human relationships are complex everywhere. Those who put on a smile brush it off and go about their own business survive. Not being judgemental and not assuming helps. Also don’t give too much importance or get attached to these transient relationships. Be a fun friend if it clicks it s good if not move on. Friends can be non-Indians too and away from our neighborhood.

 

OP, If you are looking for a company of an introvert. Here I am . So most of the time I don't know what to talk. Also I don't like the typical talks on silly things or gossips etc.. But sometimes I find one or two who match with my wavelength and I can connect and talk . Also I invite only those people who I am comfortable with to my home. At the same time I admire all those people with so much social skills. My dh is like that. These are individual difference. I think the body language or the way we talk, choice of words, genuine interest in others etc..influence it. We cannot become somebody else. So be happy with who we are. I think its good to maintain a happy, cheerful, attitude. If some one is not interested what is the point in chasing them. Don't worry about it too much. Talk about general topics unless asked about you. I have noticed that some people want to talk about them selves. Honestly not many are interested in it. I simply ask something and try to be good listener. We can connect with people that match with our wavelength not with everyone. So be open minded and dont approach anyone with any prejudices. We dont know what is going on in their mind.

In your case , if the neighbors are not interested, don't chase them. If some one is destined to be in your life, they will come to you and show genuine interest in you, then go with that group. If not, find something that is interesting you and your kids like others suggested. Everyone is busy & its hard to find time for others. So they select people who they are happy with. I think it is good to have one or two good friends than many acquaintances who dont make any difference. It takes time to build a good friendship. So find ways to make you busy and happy. Dont spoil your peace of mind thinking about these neighbors.

 

Right everyones arrogance level vary(I mean views)

 

Sure. Or perspectives!! We could call it whatever we want.

 

As I told you before itself, ladies and groups don't go hand in hand. I don't want to diverge but it's not easy to maintain group friendships, only men have that kind of temperament. People take offense for no reason sometimes. This woman I was talking about who is the boss of the group felt bad that I called her 2 year old chubby!! My exact words were "Oh look at her she looks so cute like a round ball". I actually loved the kid. Yes, she was on the heavier side, so what, she was so cute !! She retorted that I had big cheeks and I was fat as well and that I took everything negatively !! Because I used to always explain myself for everything, I was negative ! It hurt a lot and I told her straight to the face that me calling her baby chubby and her calling me chubby are not definitely the same. She apologized later, but she STILL had the freaking grudge. A few months later, someone slipped it up that the girl's pediatrician put her on the higher percentile for weight (more than 90 it seems) and that's why her mother was upset! Why should I be targeted for that? I learnt my lesson after a couple more encounters and stopped talking about babies. Now, I am totally uninterested in anyone's kids because I have my own and I am not so thrilled at the sight of babies. Yes, I feel they are cute, but that's all to it. My attitude is, let their parents enjoy, why should I bother? People change with time and I think you should just forgive yourself and realize you can't control people's minds. Deal with you inner demons.

 

Everyone in US for sure had similar experiences. From my experience always make connection to more people and don’t limit to one or two nearby your community or your husband’s coworker families. As time moves on we can’t have same families who had good relationships with us a year go will stay..being human the way we talk, interest, kids, life style, etc will change.

If you feel 1 or 2 friends are good for you try to do potluck...or get connected with new people when you go to some birthday parties, groups, library etc

I did a big mistake just connected to 2-3 apartment friends and few my husband coworker families. But later on it doesn’t exist as they got new circle and when they moved out of apartment they totally disconnected but I took initiate to talk but nothing worked.